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Parent Emeritus
Adults - but still children in our minds ?
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<blockquote data-quote="goldenguru" data-source="post: 76602" data-attributes="member: 1545"><p>Quoted by Fran: "but in gg's case, she got her daughter back and she is doing ok"</p><p></p><p>I struggle with this statement Fran. Actually, I never did get my daughter back. I had a daughter ... and it seems that at about 14 years of age I lost her. To drugs. Drinking. Mental illness. Residential treatment. And so on. I literally lost YEARS of her life.</p><p></p><p>I missed proms. Dating. High school clubs. Band concerts. College. </p><p></p><p>I lack those mile stones. Those rights of passage that steer our lives from one season to the next. I am stuck ... I think ... because we never passed over those things that clearly delineate childhood from adulthood.</p><p></p><p>It's like going on a trip. You drive through state after state until you arrive at your destination. Thats what happens when you parent a 'normal' kid.</p><p></p><p>When you parent a troubled kid ... you drive and drive and but its disorienting because even though I have reached 'the destination' ... I didn't pass the mile markers that measured the journey.</p><p></p><p>Yes my daughter is doing well. But, it seems to me that I lost her at about 14. After four years of drama ... she moved out. I have missed those rites of passage that have moved me from being the mother of an early adolescent to the mother of an adult.</p><p></p><p>And just as my 'trip' analogy would leave one a bit disoriented ... it seems that missing those important years in her life have left me disoriented in terms of relating her to as an adult person.</p><p></p><p>Does that make any sense??</p><p></p><p>I do respect her adult behavior .... and try to verbalize it to her regularly. But sometimes my heart is sad for the teenager I wish I had known better.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="goldenguru, post: 76602, member: 1545"] Quoted by Fran: "but in gg's case, she got her daughter back and she is doing ok" I struggle with this statement Fran. Actually, I never did get my daughter back. I had a daughter ... and it seems that at about 14 years of age I lost her. To drugs. Drinking. Mental illness. Residential treatment. And so on. I literally lost YEARS of her life. I missed proms. Dating. High school clubs. Band concerts. College. I lack those mile stones. Those rights of passage that steer our lives from one season to the next. I am stuck ... I think ... because we never passed over those things that clearly delineate childhood from adulthood. It's like going on a trip. You drive through state after state until you arrive at your destination. Thats what happens when you parent a 'normal' kid. When you parent a troubled kid ... you drive and drive and but its disorienting because even though I have reached 'the destination' ... I didn't pass the mile markers that measured the journey. Yes my daughter is doing well. But, it seems to me that I lost her at about 14. After four years of drama ... she moved out. I have missed those rites of passage that have moved me from being the mother of an early adolescent to the mother of an adult. And just as my 'trip' analogy would leave one a bit disoriented ... it seems that missing those important years in her life have left me disoriented in terms of relating her to as an adult person. Does that make any sense?? I do respect her adult behavior .... and try to verbalize it to her regularly. But sometimes my heart is sad for the teenager I wish I had known better. [/QUOTE]
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Adults - but still children in our minds ?
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