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Substance Abuse
Advice from fellow members needed.
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<blockquote data-quote="Mikey" data-source="post: 30128" data-attributes="member: 3579"><p><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: SunnyFlorida</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: mom_in_training</div><div class="ubbcode-body">As far as you doing to much.... Not!!!! When it comes to doing what we have to do as a parent to save our children from ruin there is no such thing as going overboard. </div></div></p><p></p><p></p><p>this is my current struggle. I don't know where "helping stops and enabling begins". I don't know where "inability starts and laziness/foolishness ends." I don't know where mental illness begins and choices end.</p><p></p><p>I do believe we can help too much. It just angers me so much that my difficult child cannot do more for himself. </div></div></p><p></p><p>It just so happens that my son's therapist has something of an answer for the first one: "Help" occurs when your actions result in positive changes or outcomes; not necessarily what <strong>you</strong> want, but postive.</p><p></p><p>Enabling, on the other hand, occurs when your actions allow your difficult child to perpetuate his/her destructive behaviour, with no positive progress.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes, it's hard to tell the difference. And, as I've found out the hard way, what starts off as "help" and causes positive changes somehow morphs into enabling, where my beloved difficult child reverts back to his nasty, manipulative alter ego, but still wants all the "help" he got in the past.</p><p></p><p>It's a process, one destined to try the very depths of our patience and souls.</p><p></p><p>About the other stuff, I don't know how you tell the difference between true inability (or disability) and laziness. Nor do I know how to tell the difference between mental illness and poor choices, although with the second of those two I believe seeking good medical and professional guidance is your best bet.</p><p></p><p>Mikey</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mikey, post: 30128, member: 3579"] <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: SunnyFlorida</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: mom_in_training</div><div class="ubbcode-body">As far as you doing to much.... Not!!!! When it comes to doing what we have to do as a parent to save our children from ruin there is no such thing as going overboard. </div></div> this is my current struggle. I don't know where "helping stops and enabling begins". I don't know where "inability starts and laziness/foolishness ends." I don't know where mental illness begins and choices end. I do believe we can help too much. It just angers me so much that my difficult child cannot do more for himself. </div></div> It just so happens that my son's therapist has something of an answer for the first one: "Help" occurs when your actions result in positive changes or outcomes; not necessarily what [b]you[/b] want, but postive. Enabling, on the other hand, occurs when your actions allow your difficult child to perpetuate his/her destructive behaviour, with no positive progress. Sometimes, it's hard to tell the difference. And, as I've found out the hard way, what starts off as "help" and causes positive changes somehow morphs into enabling, where my beloved difficult child reverts back to his nasty, manipulative alter ego, but still wants all the "help" he got in the past. It's a process, one destined to try the very depths of our patience and souls. About the other stuff, I don't know how you tell the difference between true inability (or disability) and laziness. Nor do I know how to tell the difference between mental illness and poor choices, although with the second of those two I believe seeking good medical and professional guidance is your best bet. Mikey [/QUOTE]
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