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Advice needed, In-laws again
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<blockquote data-quote="smallworld" data-source="post: 226061" data-attributes="member: 2423"><p>Toto, I have dealt with this type of situation with my in-laws. They blame the "environment" (in other words, "bad parenting") as causing our kids' issues. They do not believe in medicating children (even if our psychiatrists have told us we had no choice). Because my father is a doctor, they blame me for getting us involved up to our eyeballs in psychiatric care. They have, on the one hand, said we need to set stricter limits on J, and on the other hand, not get into power struggles with him about homework (for the record, we don't). A recently suffered a concussion, which left her with a bad headache and fatigue. Our docs told her to rest (in fact, she missed her exams and will make them up in January) so we didn't go on a road trip to New Jersey to see our niece dance in The Nutcracker. My in-laws criticized our decision by saying A was fine and we didn't need to coddle her. Fortunately, they live in Connecticut and we live in Maryland, which means we don't have to listen to their garbage all that often.</p><p> </p><p>Which brings me to how I would recommend you and husband need to handle this situation. You are never going to change your in-laws, but you can change how you deal with them. I think you and husband need to tell them as a united front that you agree to disagree. You are K's and N's parents, and while not perfect, you both are doing the very best job you know how to meet their needs. And then I think you need to just stop talking about and defending your parenting decisions. You and husband are doing a tremendous job under extremely trying circumstances (and never forget that!). </p><p> </p><p>by the way, when we offered my in-laws an appointment with J's psychiatrist so they could better understand his illness, they declined! At least your in-laws will go to an appointment, even if it won't end up changing their minds.</p><p> </p><p>Hugs, Toto. I know how truly difficult this situation is.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="smallworld, post: 226061, member: 2423"] Toto, I have dealt with this type of situation with my in-laws. They blame the "environment" (in other words, "bad parenting") as causing our kids' issues. They do not believe in medicating children (even if our psychiatrists have told us we had no choice). Because my father is a doctor, they blame me for getting us involved up to our eyeballs in psychiatric care. They have, on the one hand, said we need to set stricter limits on J, and on the other hand, not get into power struggles with him about homework (for the record, we don't). A recently suffered a concussion, which left her with a bad headache and fatigue. Our docs told her to rest (in fact, she missed her exams and will make them up in January) so we didn't go on a road trip to New Jersey to see our niece dance in The Nutcracker. My in-laws criticized our decision by saying A was fine and we didn't need to coddle her. Fortunately, they live in Connecticut and we live in Maryland, which means we don't have to listen to their garbage all that often. Which brings me to how I would recommend you and husband need to handle this situation. You are never going to change your in-laws, but you can change how you deal with them. I think you and husband need to tell them as a united front that you agree to disagree. You are K's and N's parents, and while not perfect, you both are doing the very best job you know how to meet their needs. And then I think you need to just stop talking about and defending your parenting decisions. You and husband are doing a tremendous job under extremely trying circumstances (and never forget that!). by the way, when we offered my in-laws an appointment with J's psychiatrist so they could better understand his illness, they declined! At least your in-laws will go to an appointment, even if it won't end up changing their minds. Hugs, Toto. I know how truly difficult this situation is. [/QUOTE]
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