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Advice needed, In-laws again
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 226068" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>My mother in law was a harridan to put it mildly. I was never good enough for her or her family. Truth be told, if it weren't for me, my ex would never have called her, never gone to see her, never bought her a card or a gift. I forced him to do it. For 10 years, I put up with her verbal abuse. He never stood for me. </p><p> </p><p>Finally, they came to visit us. I don't remember what my mother in law said but it had to have been pretty cruel. I ended up leaving the room in tears. When I came back, my ex was laying into his mother, telling her everything that I had done to keep a relationship going between her and her son. My in laws left that evening and I never talked to them again. Well, they never talked to me. No great loss in my mind.</p><p> </p><p>Your husband is doing a lot more than mine did and he likes his parents. He did argue with his father today. He does understand the issues with K. He may not defend you 100&#37; but that's more to protect his parents than to hurt you.</p><p> </p><p>Sadly, many people don't believe in mental illness. It's a shame there isn't something that shows physically. It would be so much more acceptable. Try to explain to your father in law that K has a chemical imbalance and the medications are to try to help get the right balance. </p><p> </p><p>One thing I'm going to suggest that will probably be against everything everyone else suggests is that you're going to have to "give" a little on the structure that K needs. Until your in laws actually see how K is when her routine is totally disrupted, they're going to fight you and, sadly, they're going to do it behind your back. I think it would be much better if you knew what they were doing so that you could have some idea of what is going to happen when she gets home. </p><p> </p><p>Grandparents feel it is their duty to spoil the grands. If they want to go riding and then eat ice cream for the next 3 hours, they're going to let the grands do it and there's nothing the parents can do about it. Let them have the kids for a few weekends if possible. Let them see how hard it is for K when her routine is totally fouled up. They might get on the same page a lot quicker that way. If not, at least you'll know K had some fun before her demons took over.</p><p> </p><p>And you're going to have to get a pretty tough skin. Until your in laws' eyes are opened, you're going to be blamed. After they're opened, you're probably still going to get the blame -- it has to be your genes, not their son's. If nothing else, you get tobe one of those who actually understand why there are nasty in law jokes. Sorry you can't have the more understanding type.</p><p> </p><p>HUGS</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 226068, member: 3626"] My mother in law was a harridan to put it mildly. I was never good enough for her or her family. Truth be told, if it weren't for me, my ex would never have called her, never gone to see her, never bought her a card or a gift. I forced him to do it. For 10 years, I put up with her verbal abuse. He never stood for me. Finally, they came to visit us. I don't remember what my mother in law said but it had to have been pretty cruel. I ended up leaving the room in tears. When I came back, my ex was laying into his mother, telling her everything that I had done to keep a relationship going between her and her son. My in laws left that evening and I never talked to them again. Well, they never talked to me. No great loss in my mind. Your husband is doing a lot more than mine did and he likes his parents. He did argue with his father today. He does understand the issues with K. He may not defend you 100% but that's more to protect his parents than to hurt you. Sadly, many people don't believe in mental illness. It's a shame there isn't something that shows physically. It would be so much more acceptable. Try to explain to your father in law that K has a chemical imbalance and the medications are to try to help get the right balance. One thing I'm going to suggest that will probably be against everything everyone else suggests is that you're going to have to "give" a little on the structure that K needs. Until your in laws actually see how K is when her routine is totally disrupted, they're going to fight you and, sadly, they're going to do it behind your back. I think it would be much better if you knew what they were doing so that you could have some idea of what is going to happen when she gets home. Grandparents feel it is their duty to spoil the grands. If they want to go riding and then eat ice cream for the next 3 hours, they're going to let the grands do it and there's nothing the parents can do about it. Let them have the kids for a few weekends if possible. Let them see how hard it is for K when her routine is totally fouled up. They might get on the same page a lot quicker that way. If not, at least you'll know K had some fun before her demons took over. And you're going to have to get a pretty tough skin. Until your in laws' eyes are opened, you're going to be blamed. After they're opened, you're probably still going to get the blame -- it has to be your genes, not their son's. If nothing else, you get tobe one of those who actually understand why there are nasty in law jokes. Sorry you can't have the more understanding type. HUGS [/QUOTE]
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