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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 348181" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>(long exhale) </p><p></p><p>I figured if I kept my mouth shut. Said nothing derogatory about Daddy Disney, got both of us therapy, went through literal hell on earth as far as behavior and living with a child who you couldn't live with, kept things as hush as I could without being ugly even when I wanted to tell him the real deal about things. For 16 years I did this. I didn't ask for child support. I didn't bother that man despite the fact that he threatened me, my family, nearly ruined my mental health and put me into a virtual lifetime of therapy, and heartache with a child who just wanted one lousy card a year on his birthday to acknowledge he existed. Too wrapped up in his own drug-induced self? I hoped for one of his attempted suicides to stick so at least the child could get some bereavement benefits. But nope.....never happened. </p><p></p><p>I took the high road.....I was the bigger person. I never said, or did anything to let my child know I was any less of a person than I am. I never let Dude know I was poor, scared, tired, angry, wanted vengeance in the worst way and would have loved most days to have been able to spew out every last detail of just how atrocious his bio-Father was. I never did. I felt justified saying 'someday you'll be 18 and then you can choose'. I felt okay with my decision, I felt morally right. </p><p></p><p>So my point? No matter WHAT you say about x? Whether it's "HE is a complete SLOB or HE IS A WONDERFUL MAN or YOU will have to find out on your own - like I did?" - They will make up their own minds and it could be that they end up liking him, are completely turned off by him, or tolerate him as their bio-Dad, but your husband is their real Dad. It's hard to say - but it's not your life - and I say that because---Dude recently told me flat out .... </p><p></p><p>"Well Mom the past is the past and I've forgiven him for what he's done to me, and what he did to you? He did to you. NOT me." </p><p></p><p>So there you have it. Yeah I know......nice. Too bad what I did to Dude by taking him away to give him a great life doesn't hold the same muster - you know - I didn't do it do his bio-father, but sadly - Dude feels sorry for him. (insert wha sound) And despite every attempt to be the bigger person in all of this? I still came out the big bad wolf. </p><p></p><p>I'm not sure there is a good answer for you Shari. I'm really not. I guess maybe letting THEM work it out and knowing it's not your life is really the only answer. I don't know - especially after the last few months in my house. I really don't know.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 348181, member: 4964"] (long exhale) I figured if I kept my mouth shut. Said nothing derogatory about Daddy Disney, got both of us therapy, went through literal hell on earth as far as behavior and living with a child who you couldn't live with, kept things as hush as I could without being ugly even when I wanted to tell him the real deal about things. For 16 years I did this. I didn't ask for child support. I didn't bother that man despite the fact that he threatened me, my family, nearly ruined my mental health and put me into a virtual lifetime of therapy, and heartache with a child who just wanted one lousy card a year on his birthday to acknowledge he existed. Too wrapped up in his own drug-induced self? I hoped for one of his attempted suicides to stick so at least the child could get some bereavement benefits. But nope.....never happened. I took the high road.....I was the bigger person. I never said, or did anything to let my child know I was any less of a person than I am. I never let Dude know I was poor, scared, tired, angry, wanted vengeance in the worst way and would have loved most days to have been able to spew out every last detail of just how atrocious his bio-Father was. I never did. I felt justified saying 'someday you'll be 18 and then you can choose'. I felt okay with my decision, I felt morally right. So my point? No matter WHAT you say about x? Whether it's "HE is a complete SLOB or HE IS A WONDERFUL MAN or YOU will have to find out on your own - like I did?" - They will make up their own minds and it could be that they end up liking him, are completely turned off by him, or tolerate him as their bio-Dad, but your husband is their real Dad. It's hard to say - but it's not your life - and I say that because---Dude recently told me flat out .... "Well Mom the past is the past and I've forgiven him for what he's done to me, and what he did to you? He did to you. NOT me." So there you have it. Yeah I know......nice. Too bad what I did to Dude by taking him away to give him a great life doesn't hold the same muster - you know - I didn't do it do his bio-father, but sadly - Dude feels sorry for him. (insert wha sound) And despite every attempt to be the bigger person in all of this? I still came out the big bad wolf. I'm not sure there is a good answer for you Shari. I'm really not. I guess maybe letting THEM work it out and knowing it's not your life is really the only answer. I don't know - especially after the last few months in my house. I really don't know. [/QUOTE]
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