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General Parenting
Advice Please - Teenager that will not help themself
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<blockquote data-quote="Zardo" data-source="post: 462867" data-attributes="member: 12490"><p>Many issues here and VERY hard to handle - I know, I have been there. Number one - hang in there and don't give up. Previous posters are correct - if she cannot follow YOUR rules with the phone, then she cannot have it. Start with turning the service off during school hours. This will not fix the problem as I assure you the real issue is not the phone, it's her attitude toward school and probably any responsiblities in general (again, I have been there - no judegment). It still sends a message - your home, your money, your rules.</p><p></p><p>We had the good fortune of being able to send our con to Wilderness and then boarding school. It was along road, and may still be, but right now, he is working hard at school communicating appropriately at home. It's a complete 360. If you cannot or don't want to take those steps - </p><p></p><p>1 - If you child is not within the Special Education program yet, work to get her tested , identified and set up an IEP where there will be more supports at school. You have to formally request psychoeducational testing in writing (e-mail)</p><p></p><p>2 - Start a discussion with them about alternate placements for your daughter for a period of time. There are schools out there, day, boarding and therapeutic that specialize in helping kids like your daughter and my son "re-connect" with school. We acted privately, but there are families that get all sorts of interventions through working with their towns. Normally the best way to get this far is by working with an educational consultant. Even if you don't want to go that route, talking about it may push the school to work harder for her as they won't want to spend the money.</p><p></p><p>3 - Have a wary eye for substance use. I have found that most of the kids that were act this way are caught up with substances and even using them at school or very pre-occupied with communicating suring school about how to get it or the next plan to do it. </p><p></p><p>4 - there is a great book that will help you understand the problem - "To Change a Mind" by John McKinnen will help you understand your daughter's problem and what you can do to help her.</p><p></p><p>GOOD LUCK</p><p></p><p>You are in for a battle, but she can be reached. I found the best methods included consequesnces that I did not give. For example, you didn't do your work, you must stay after school to do it and may not leave unti lit's done - "academic detention" My school was very open to any suggestions I had. In the end, nothing worked until he was removed from that scholl though and put into a therapeutic environment with daily group therapy with other teens. The positive peer cultture finally convinced him to change.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Zardo, post: 462867, member: 12490"] Many issues here and VERY hard to handle - I know, I have been there. Number one - hang in there and don't give up. Previous posters are correct - if she cannot follow YOUR rules with the phone, then she cannot have it. Start with turning the service off during school hours. This will not fix the problem as I assure you the real issue is not the phone, it's her attitude toward school and probably any responsiblities in general (again, I have been there - no judegment). It still sends a message - your home, your money, your rules. We had the good fortune of being able to send our con to Wilderness and then boarding school. It was along road, and may still be, but right now, he is working hard at school communicating appropriately at home. It's a complete 360. If you cannot or don't want to take those steps - 1 - If you child is not within the Special Education program yet, work to get her tested , identified and set up an IEP where there will be more supports at school. You have to formally request psychoeducational testing in writing (e-mail) 2 - Start a discussion with them about alternate placements for your daughter for a period of time. There are schools out there, day, boarding and therapeutic that specialize in helping kids like your daughter and my son "re-connect" with school. We acted privately, but there are families that get all sorts of interventions through working with their towns. Normally the best way to get this far is by working with an educational consultant. Even if you don't want to go that route, talking about it may push the school to work harder for her as they won't want to spend the money. 3 - Have a wary eye for substance use. I have found that most of the kids that were act this way are caught up with substances and even using them at school or very pre-occupied with communicating suring school about how to get it or the next plan to do it. 4 - there is a great book that will help you understand the problem - "To Change a Mind" by John McKinnen will help you understand your daughter's problem and what you can do to help her. GOOD LUCK You are in for a battle, but she can be reached. I found the best methods included consequesnces that I did not give. For example, you didn't do your work, you must stay after school to do it and may not leave unti lit's done - "academic detention" My school was very open to any suggestions I had. In the end, nothing worked until he was removed from that scholl though and put into a therapeutic environment with daily group therapy with other teens. The positive peer cultture finally convinced him to change. [/QUOTE]
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