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Advice sought for difficult child who is going out of his way to be disrespectful and hateful.
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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 559653" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>Our son was this way - and worse - towards me when he was about 15 -16 years old and he knew that we were about done with his temper and threats. Our therapist told us that it was common for a young man who knows that the apron strings are about to be severed to lash out against mom because he <em>is</em> angry and it makes him feel as though he is showing that he is not a "mama's boy". We dealt with it by agreeing that my husband would deal with it. <em>I</em> dealt with it by sticking to my end of the agreement. It didn't matter whether my husband dealt with him or not - I didn't feel safe, I didn't feel loved, and I was <em>not</em> jumping back into the fray.</p><p></p><p>That being said, why has he not moved out yet? Does he have a job? Is he paying for the car and insurance? We pay for a phone for our son, but that will end at the end of this contract. Technically you are correct that he is a teenager. Legally he's an adult. He's old enough to go to jail, he's old enough to go to war, he's old enough to vote. If he has drugs in your house he's old enough to drag you into jail with him. After all, you have admitted that you know that he does drugs. Does he have them in your home? How is he getting alcohol? Is he using it in your home? Is he operating your vehicles while under the influence? You could find yourself in a mess of trouble.</p><p></p><p>Read what you've written. What would you advise someone else to do in your situation? You should feel comfortable doing for yourself what you would expect others to do for themselves. Somehow I don't think you'd advise a friend to allow a drunk, high, angry man to live with them. </p><p></p><p>Try Al-Anon, or if you have a therapist, see him or her. See your medical doctor as well to be sure that physically you are up to dealing with this. This is the kind of thing that takes your last nerve, and you'll need to be as strong as you can both mentally and physically to get yourself through this. Your son is not a little boy anymore. By the same token you get to be "you" again. That doesn't happen overnight. It takes work and planning to feel comfortable in your own skin again. Do what you have to in order to take care of yourself and your husband, and let your son be.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 559653, member: 99"] Our son was this way - and worse - towards me when he was about 15 -16 years old and he knew that we were about done with his temper and threats. Our therapist told us that it was common for a young man who knows that the apron strings are about to be severed to lash out against mom because he [I]is[/I] angry and it makes him feel as though he is showing that he is not a "mama's boy". We dealt with it by agreeing that my husband would deal with it. [I]I[/I] dealt with it by sticking to my end of the agreement. It didn't matter whether my husband dealt with him or not - I didn't feel safe, I didn't feel loved, and I was [I]not[/I] jumping back into the fray. That being said, why has he not moved out yet? Does he have a job? Is he paying for the car and insurance? We pay for a phone for our son, but that will end at the end of this contract. Technically you are correct that he is a teenager. Legally he's an adult. He's old enough to go to jail, he's old enough to go to war, he's old enough to vote. If he has drugs in your house he's old enough to drag you into jail with him. After all, you have admitted that you know that he does drugs. Does he have them in your home? How is he getting alcohol? Is he using it in your home? Is he operating your vehicles while under the influence? You could find yourself in a mess of trouble. Read what you've written. What would you advise someone else to do in your situation? You should feel comfortable doing for yourself what you would expect others to do for themselves. Somehow I don't think you'd advise a friend to allow a drunk, high, angry man to live with them. Try Al-Anon, or if you have a therapist, see him or her. See your medical doctor as well to be sure that physically you are up to dealing with this. This is the kind of thing that takes your last nerve, and you'll need to be as strong as you can both mentally and physically to get yourself through this. Your son is not a little boy anymore. By the same token you get to be "you" again. That doesn't happen overnight. It takes work and planning to feel comfortable in your own skin again. Do what you have to in order to take care of yourself and your husband, and let your son be. [/QUOTE]
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Advice sought for difficult child who is going out of his way to be disrespectful and hateful.
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