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Advice sought for difficult child who is going out of his way to be disrespectful and hateful.
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<blockquote data-quote="dashcat" data-source="post: 559672" data-attributes="member: 9175"><p>You are not alone. Like you, and like he others, I went through this with my difficult child also. Her dad left us, with virtually no warning, when she was 15. She took it very hard and I hung in there with her. By 17, she'd figured out that she could get away with a heck of lot more with dad, and she moved in with him. Because it suited her and made it easier for her to justify this - in her head and to the world - she was absolutely horrible to me. She went out of her way to hurt me, and she did so in a way that was very underhanded. The ice cream thing sounds exactly like something she would have done. </p><p></p><p>I stood my ground with her, and it did get worse before it got better. BUT it got better. What helped, in my case, was to be consistant in calling her out when she was disrespectful but ...and this is a fine line ... to let the little things go. </p><p></p><p>A few years ago, she moved out (she's bounced back and forth between here and her dad's) to move into a hotel with a loser she'd met on the internet. She'd talked to him for a week, and seen him ONCE when she made this hairbrained decision. I refused to help her in any way, while her doofus dad did things like drive them to the hotel, feed them dinner, etc. I talked to her regularly and saw her, but refused to meet the guy or have anything to do with him. After two weeks, she was out of money and the guy lost his appeal, so she moved back with her dad. I talked to her the night she moved out and told her she was doing the right thing and I would stand by her. This was a Saturday, and we'd made plans (prior to this) to see a movie together and have lunch on Monday. Sunday, I called and she was as cold as ice to me (WTF?). I asked about the movie and she said we were still on. On Monday, I went to her dad's to pick her up. The house was unlocked and she was gone. I was scared to death. I left her a voice mail and asked her to call me. Hours later, she called her dad with some crazy excuse as to where she'd been. She claimed to have forgotten our date and also claimed that I hadn't called her (I'd called several times). She tnen went a month without speaking to me. It was horrible, but I waited. Eventually she called.</p><p></p><p>She knows that what she did was horrible. I didn't have to tell her, and I made it clear that I wasn't about to cave in.</p><p></p><p>She is now back here and, while it is hardly perfect, she is very loving towards me.</p><p></p><p>Teenagers are awful. difficult child teenagers are even worse. You've already drawn your boundaries by kicking him out. Let him know you love him and that you know - despite his ugliness - that he loves you. It will get better.</p><p></p><p>Dash</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dashcat, post: 559672, member: 9175"] You are not alone. Like you, and like he others, I went through this with my difficult child also. Her dad left us, with virtually no warning, when she was 15. She took it very hard and I hung in there with her. By 17, she'd figured out that she could get away with a heck of lot more with dad, and she moved in with him. Because it suited her and made it easier for her to justify this - in her head and to the world - she was absolutely horrible to me. She went out of her way to hurt me, and she did so in a way that was very underhanded. The ice cream thing sounds exactly like something she would have done. I stood my ground with her, and it did get worse before it got better. BUT it got better. What helped, in my case, was to be consistant in calling her out when she was disrespectful but ...and this is a fine line ... to let the little things go. A few years ago, she moved out (she's bounced back and forth between here and her dad's) to move into a hotel with a loser she'd met on the internet. She'd talked to him for a week, and seen him ONCE when she made this hairbrained decision. I refused to help her in any way, while her doofus dad did things like drive them to the hotel, feed them dinner, etc. I talked to her regularly and saw her, but refused to meet the guy or have anything to do with him. After two weeks, she was out of money and the guy lost his appeal, so she moved back with her dad. I talked to her the night she moved out and told her she was doing the right thing and I would stand by her. This was a Saturday, and we'd made plans (prior to this) to see a movie together and have lunch on Monday. Sunday, I called and she was as cold as ice to me (WTF?). I asked about the movie and she said we were still on. On Monday, I went to her dad's to pick her up. The house was unlocked and she was gone. I was scared to death. I left her a voice mail and asked her to call me. Hours later, she called her dad with some crazy excuse as to where she'd been. She claimed to have forgotten our date and also claimed that I hadn't called her (I'd called several times). She tnen went a month without speaking to me. It was horrible, but I waited. Eventually she called. She knows that what she did was horrible. I didn't have to tell her, and I made it clear that I wasn't about to cave in. She is now back here and, while it is hardly perfect, she is very loving towards me. Teenagers are awful. difficult child teenagers are even worse. You've already drawn your boundaries by kicking him out. Let him know you love him and that you know - despite his ugliness - that he loves you. It will get better. Dash [/QUOTE]
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Advice sought for difficult child who is going out of his way to be disrespectful and hateful.
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