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Advice sought for difficult child who is going out of his way to be disrespectful and hateful.
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 559865" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>I agree with setting boundaries and keeping them. And not being too emotional about it. You really don't want to teach him it is okay to be disrespectful to you. And because he does want things from you, he will submit to your boundaries. And staying unemotional (and at least pretending so) makes it more difficult for him to blame you and make a fight about it.</p><p></p><p>However I did get easy on this one. difficult child was really disrespectful and hateful to me only short while. About the time he was compulsively gambling. He was very, very angry at that time and he directed it to me. After he got caught, he was so deeply in trouble he didn't dare to be openly hateful. After all, he was a minor and we had power over certain things he really, really wanted. He was sullen and total PITA, but not hateful to the disturbing degree. Same was true before his situation escalated (I still at times wonder if there was something else besides addiction going on at that time. Addiction can change a person, but with my difficult child it was so sudden and so deep.) In that time when he was really hateful only thing that seemed to work at least a bit was being very unemotional about it. I at times imagined to be a bureaucrat who just tells people their request are denied all day long. Just as disinterested and uninvolved. Making it a fight only made it worse.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 559865, member: 14557"] I agree with setting boundaries and keeping them. And not being too emotional about it. You really don't want to teach him it is okay to be disrespectful to you. And because he does want things from you, he will submit to your boundaries. And staying unemotional (and at least pretending so) makes it more difficult for him to blame you and make a fight about it. However I did get easy on this one. difficult child was really disrespectful and hateful to me only short while. About the time he was compulsively gambling. He was very, very angry at that time and he directed it to me. After he got caught, he was so deeply in trouble he didn't dare to be openly hateful. After all, he was a minor and we had power over certain things he really, really wanted. He was sullen and total PITA, but not hateful to the disturbing degree. Same was true before his situation escalated (I still at times wonder if there was something else besides addiction going on at that time. Addiction can change a person, but with my difficult child it was so sudden and so deep.) In that time when he was really hateful only thing that seemed to work at least a bit was being very unemotional about it. I at times imagined to be a bureaucrat who just tells people their request are denied all day long. Just as disinterested and uninvolved. Making it a fight only made it worse. [/QUOTE]
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Advice sought for difficult child who is going out of his way to be disrespectful and hateful.
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