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<blockquote data-quote="ksm" data-source="post: 698026" data-attributes="member: 12511"><p>I realize that there are adopted kids, even from horrible backgrounds, that grow up and become productive adults. By "generalizing" I was doing so in the context of a circle of friends and acquaintances that I know personally. </p><p></p><p>I also have two friends who adopted sibling groups, both 4 kids, and those two couples had 3 or 4 bio kids. One mom, who I am close too, confided that there were periods of time where each child struggled some, but now that they are adults, the adopted siblings did not seem to learn from mistakes, and normal parenting styles, consequences and rewards had not been effective. Both of theses families adopted from the state. </p><p></p><p>The other family adopted after the kids father murdered their mom, but tried to make it seem like she had abandoned her children. The father ended up in prison. Her adopted kids struggled and as they became adults, most left and distanced themselves from their adoptive family.</p><p></p><p>Both families had the best intentions. I am sure there was mental and substance abusive issues in the bio parents background. </p><p></p><p>Anyway, from where I am coming from...adoption (i.e.: the issues leading up to adoption) seemed to have had an effect on the families I know. I am glad that others have not had these issues.</p><p></p><p>Even with my own granddaughters, as teen girls they have a very low self esteem, they feel some how, not good enough...because their parents couldn't get their act together and raise them. It shouldn't define them, but at the age they are, it does. I hope they grow out of it and become confident young women. They are beautiful and smart, but they don't or can't own that.</p><p></p><p>KSM.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ksm, post: 698026, member: 12511"] I realize that there are adopted kids, even from horrible backgrounds, that grow up and become productive adults. By "generalizing" I was doing so in the context of a circle of friends and acquaintances that I know personally. I also have two friends who adopted sibling groups, both 4 kids, and those two couples had 3 or 4 bio kids. One mom, who I am close too, confided that there were periods of time where each child struggled some, but now that they are adults, the adopted siblings did not seem to learn from mistakes, and normal parenting styles, consequences and rewards had not been effective. Both of theses families adopted from the state. The other family adopted after the kids father murdered their mom, but tried to make it seem like she had abandoned her children. The father ended up in prison. Her adopted kids struggled and as they became adults, most left and distanced themselves from their adoptive family. Both families had the best intentions. I am sure there was mental and substance abusive issues in the bio parents background. Anyway, from where I am coming from...adoption (i.e.: the issues leading up to adoption) seemed to have had an effect on the families I know. I am glad that others have not had these issues. Even with my own granddaughters, as teen girls they have a very low self esteem, they feel some how, not good enough...because their parents couldn't get their act together and raise them. It shouldn't define them, but at the age they are, it does. I hope they grow out of it and become confident young women. They are beautiful and smart, but they don't or can't own that. KSM. [/QUOTE]
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