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Advice Wanted-Teen Daughter
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<blockquote data-quote="So Tired" data-source="post: 160002" data-attributes="member: 4772"><p>WFEN - It's hard for me to say if this is just typical teen behavior or difficult child-ness since my only experience so far has been with my VERY difficult child teen age son. He is 18 now, and looking back, I wish I had taken a firmer approach when he was younger and some of the behaviors started escalating. I always gave him another chance, didn't ask much of him around the house because he was busy with school and band and extracurricular activites. But now he seems to have quite a sense of entitlement. I always thought that just because he was smart and could do well in classes that he would naturally get good grades and go on to college. Well, he barely graduated high school, only passing the classes he needed to graduate and flunked all the rest. He did not go to college this year, but is working 3-5 days a week at Meijer. I am hoping that some type of common sense will kick in soon!</p><p> </p><p>I guess I am saying that you are doing the right thing by laying out logical consequences and following through on them. Even though it is hard to make them suffer those consequences they need to know that they are due to the choices they make. I know if I had the last 4 years back I would worry less about my son feeling bad for a few days and more about him learning important lessons about choices, consequences and responsiblity. I kept thinking if I was "nice" to him he would "get it" and be appreciative and nice back. Big Mistake! I wish I had discoved way earlier that although I can't change the way he is, changing my behavior would enable me to detach from being involved in what are esentially his problems. </p><p> </p><p>Stay strong and don't feel guilty! You are only asking her to live up to what are her responsiblities. As to feeling hurt, I understand that too. Try not to take it too personally -- they are always the worst to those that love them best because they know our love is a "given" Try keeping your distance and you may be suprised that she then seeks you out! (My son and I can never have a "normal" conversation without arguing, but he will text message me all sorts of things that we would never talk about face to face.)</p><p> </p><p>Sorry I don't have any more answers than what you already know.... hopefully some others will be able to be more helpful....</p><p> </p><p>ST</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="So Tired, post: 160002, member: 4772"] WFEN - It's hard for me to say if this is just typical teen behavior or difficult child-ness since my only experience so far has been with my VERY difficult child teen age son. He is 18 now, and looking back, I wish I had taken a firmer approach when he was younger and some of the behaviors started escalating. I always gave him another chance, didn't ask much of him around the house because he was busy with school and band and extracurricular activites. But now he seems to have quite a sense of entitlement. I always thought that just because he was smart and could do well in classes that he would naturally get good grades and go on to college. Well, he barely graduated high school, only passing the classes he needed to graduate and flunked all the rest. He did not go to college this year, but is working 3-5 days a week at Meijer. I am hoping that some type of common sense will kick in soon! I guess I am saying that you are doing the right thing by laying out logical consequences and following through on them. Even though it is hard to make them suffer those consequences they need to know that they are due to the choices they make. I know if I had the last 4 years back I would worry less about my son feeling bad for a few days and more about him learning important lessons about choices, consequences and responsiblity. I kept thinking if I was "nice" to him he would "get it" and be appreciative and nice back. Big Mistake! I wish I had discoved way earlier that although I can't change the way he is, changing my behavior would enable me to detach from being involved in what are esentially his problems. Stay strong and don't feel guilty! You are only asking her to live up to what are her responsiblities. As to feeling hurt, I understand that too. Try not to take it too personally -- they are always the worst to those that love them best because they know our love is a "given" Try keeping your distance and you may be suprised that she then seeks you out! (My son and I can never have a "normal" conversation without arguing, but he will text message me all sorts of things that we would never talk about face to face.) Sorry I don't have any more answers than what you already know.... hopefully some others will be able to be more helpful.... ST [/QUOTE]
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