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<blockquote data-quote="Albatross" data-source="post: 693975" data-attributes="member: 17720"><p>Thank you, Copa.</p><p></p><p>I do not believe there was really a robbery. He has used this story before. Really, that makes it worse, doesn't it?</p><p></p><p>It is beyond ridiculously childish and vindictive for a 23-year-old. It is hateful. Really, what kind of person does this?!</p><p></p><p>If it were anyone else's son, I know exactly how I would feel. I would be a very uncomplicated kind of furious. I would rush to that parent's protection and give that ungrateful and mean-spirited man-child a piece of my mind. I would advocate not having any contact at all with someone who could be so cruel. I would probably find some dark humor in the situation too.</p><p></p><p>But I still wake up in the middle of the night wondering if he is all right, if he is warm, if he is passed out and someone is robbing him, or worse.</p><p></p><p>I have both of those feelings going on at once, the urge to punch him in the face REALLY HARD if he dares show up in my life again...AND the urge to help him find his way back from this broken place he is in.</p><p></p><p>I know I am not the one to help him find his way back from anywhere. If I was, I certainly would have done it by now.</p><p></p><p>I also know that in all likelihood his disappearing from FB since his parting shots Saturday is by design. He is in punishment mode. I FEAR otherwise, but I have felt that fear before, for nothing. Yes, he has done this before.</p><p></p><p>My heart is in a very, very dark place right now.</p><p></p><p>I am not proud to say this, but it is crossing my emotional landscape that perhaps I don't want to have much to do with someone like this anymore.</p><p></p><p>For anyone else in this situation, I believe I would say it is more than justified, but I am not sure how I feel about being that person.</p><p></p><p>I am also not sure how much of this is his addiction. I have known a fair number of alcoholics and have not known any who could be so freakin' mean. But they were all functional; I haven't known any who were in survival mode. It is self-imposed survival mode, but still...</p><p></p><p>He puts himself into impossible situations that force choices that in his mind justify him trampling on other people.</p><p></p><p>Is it his alcoholism, or is it him?</p><p></p><p>It occurred to me last night the ramifications of not seeing a SOBER difficult child for 10 years. 10 years!!! He has not been sober for any period longer than a month or so since...he was 13 years old!</p><p></p><p>How much does a person change between the age of 13 and 23?</p><p></p><p>I realized that means I don't know who he is. I don't know the man he has become. I truly don't know.</p><p></p><p>I am trying another idea on, to see how I feel about it.</p><p></p><p>Perhaps I need to know who he is, SOBER, before I know whether or not I even want to be part of his life.</p><p></p><p>I am wondering if that is reasonable, to say that I don't want to hear from him at all, until he has been clean and sober and self-supporting for a year, and then we will see how it goes.</p><p></p><p>Is that reasonable?</p><p></p><p>Then I realize that he hasn't contacted us, and WON'T contact us, unless he wants something, so I am worrying about nothing.</p><p></p><p>Perhaps I already know the answer to my question about who he is, and I just don't want to face the truth of what is. Perhaps all of this is just my way of trying to feel like I have some control over how much this wrecks me.</p><p></p><p>I am in a very lost place right now.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Albatross, post: 693975, member: 17720"] Thank you, Copa. I do not believe there was really a robbery. He has used this story before. Really, that makes it worse, doesn't it? It is beyond ridiculously childish and vindictive for a 23-year-old. It is hateful. Really, what kind of person does this?! If it were anyone else's son, I know exactly how I would feel. I would be a very uncomplicated kind of furious. I would rush to that parent's protection and give that ungrateful and mean-spirited man-child a piece of my mind. I would advocate not having any contact at all with someone who could be so cruel. I would probably find some dark humor in the situation too. But I still wake up in the middle of the night wondering if he is all right, if he is warm, if he is passed out and someone is robbing him, or worse. I have both of those feelings going on at once, the urge to punch him in the face REALLY HARD if he dares show up in my life again...AND the urge to help him find his way back from this broken place he is in. I know I am not the one to help him find his way back from anywhere. If I was, I certainly would have done it by now. I also know that in all likelihood his disappearing from FB since his parting shots Saturday is by design. He is in punishment mode. I FEAR otherwise, but I have felt that fear before, for nothing. Yes, he has done this before. My heart is in a very, very dark place right now. I am not proud to say this, but it is crossing my emotional landscape that perhaps I don't want to have much to do with someone like this anymore. For anyone else in this situation, I believe I would say it is more than justified, but I am not sure how I feel about being that person. I am also not sure how much of this is his addiction. I have known a fair number of alcoholics and have not known any who could be so freakin' mean. But they were all functional; I haven't known any who were in survival mode. It is self-imposed survival mode, but still... He puts himself into impossible situations that force choices that in his mind justify him trampling on other people. Is it his alcoholism, or is it him? It occurred to me last night the ramifications of not seeing a SOBER difficult child for 10 years. 10 years!!! He has not been sober for any period longer than a month or so since...he was 13 years old! How much does a person change between the age of 13 and 23? I realized that means I don't know who he is. I don't know the man he has become. I truly don't know. I am trying another idea on, to see how I feel about it. Perhaps I need to know who he is, SOBER, before I know whether or not I even want to be part of his life. I am wondering if that is reasonable, to say that I don't want to hear from him at all, until he has been clean and sober and self-supporting for a year, and then we will see how it goes. Is that reasonable? Then I realize that he hasn't contacted us, and WON'T contact us, unless he wants something, so I am worrying about nothing. Perhaps I already know the answer to my question about who he is, and I just don't want to face the truth of what is. Perhaps all of this is just my way of trying to feel like I have some control over how much this wrecks me. I am in a very lost place right now. [/QUOTE]
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