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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 695270" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>I was thinking the same thing Albie. It is so difficult to read or hear the hatefulness that comes from the heart of addiction and/or the mental issues that coincide. Hurtful things that wrench our hearts. It is the illness driving the bus. That reality doesn't make it any easier.</p><p> The morning, a new day, a yearning for a fresh start, yet those many emotions attached to facing this just linger and pervade our thoughts, <em>even at first light</em>. It is when I must repeat that mantra,</p><p>"They are out there finding their way." Then I had to add, "In their <em>own way.</em>" </p><p></p><p>They are adults, and no matter what we do or say, they will still do it <em>their own way, in their own time</em>.</p><p></p><p><strong><em>What kind of mother would ignore their son, daughter, who has so many problems?</em> </strong></p><p></p><p>The kind of mother who has loved and still loves their adult child completely with heart and soul. </p><p></p><p>The kind of mother who has tried so many times to help to the detriment of herself and her home, her own peace and safety at stake. </p><p></p><p>The kind of mother who after so many countless times and heart wrenching drama filled, chaotic and downright dangerous episodes realized the only<em><strong> only </strong></em>solution is to step back and set her adult child on his/her way.</p><p></p><p>The kind of mothers that realize that no matter what we do or say, they<em><strong> will</strong></em> do it their own way.</p><p></p><p><strong>That is strength Albie.</strong></p><p> That is self respect. </p><p><strong>That is a mother who loves her child enough to be able to say NO! </strong></p><p>Love <em>does say no</em>. </p><p>No! </p><p>Disrespect, lying, theft, destruction of home, property, my heart,<em> <strong>is unacceptable</strong></em><strong>. </strong></p><p></p><p>We ignore our ill/addicted adult children because their actions around us are <strong><em>reprehensible. </em></strong></p><p>We are forced by their choices to change our way of thinking, of doing, <em>of being.</em> </p><p>Nothing changes, if nothing changes. </p><p>When <em>they do not change</em>,<strong> <em>we must.</em></strong></p><p></p><p>Rather the question,<em><strong> </strong></em></p><p><em><strong>"What kind of mother allows her adult child to abuse, use and mistreat her? To disrespect himself and his own mother, in her home?</strong></em></p><p></p><p></p><p>No mas, NO MORE! </p><p>Unacceptable. </p><p>We are the first people they look to. </p><p>The first they come to. </p><p>When we say<strong> no more</strong>, <em>they have to take a better look at themselves. </em></p><p></p><p></p><p>It is a difficult thing to be at two different points of the cross roads. This I know. I am sorry Albie, it is a double edged thing to suffer. <em>How well I know this</em>, as Hubs was insistent on "helping" Rain. It sickened me as I could see her <em>using his love for her</em>. There was nothing I could do to<em> make</em> him see, he had to come to that point on his own terms. It did drive us apart, and she continued to sledge hammer that wedge between us. She did not act menacingly to me in his presence. Only when he was not around. He did not see the full affect of rage and blame that she unleashed.The look of hate and disgust in her eyes. She would not approach her father the same way she approached me. </p><p>This is calculated manipulation and triangulation. Both parents are targeted. It is the most heinous part of illness/addiction, that an adult child would try to drive their parents apart, to get what he/she wants.</p><p> I am glad you both will see a counselor. I pray for this counselor to have wisdom and give good guidance.</p><p>It is hard enough dealing with the issues brought upon us with an adult child going off the deep end,<em> plus deal with resulting rifts in our relationship. </em></p><p>My heart and prayers go out to you dear one.</p><p>As you travel this road, please know you are not alone. </p><p>We care, and we are here for you.</p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 695270, member: 19522"] I was thinking the same thing Albie. It is so difficult to read or hear the hatefulness that comes from the heart of addiction and/or the mental issues that coincide. Hurtful things that wrench our hearts. It is the illness driving the bus. That reality doesn't make it any easier. The morning, a new day, a yearning for a fresh start, yet those many emotions attached to facing this just linger and pervade our thoughts, [I]even at first light[/I]. It is when I must repeat that mantra, "They are out there finding their way." Then I had to add, "In their [I]own way.[/I]" They are adults, and no matter what we do or say, they will still do it [I]their own way, in their own time[/I]. [B][I]What kind of mother would ignore their son, daughter, who has so many problems?[/I] [/B] The kind of mother who has loved and still loves their adult child completely with heart and soul. The kind of mother who has tried so many times to help to the detriment of herself and her home, her own peace and safety at stake. The kind of mother who after so many countless times and heart wrenching drama filled, chaotic and downright dangerous episodes realized the only[I][B] only [/B][/I]solution is to step back and set her adult child on his/her way. The kind of mothers that realize that no matter what we do or say, they[I][B] will[/B][/I] do it their own way. [B]That is strength Albie.[/B] That is self respect. [B]That is a mother who loves her child enough to be able to say NO! [/B] Love [I]does say no[/I]. No! Disrespect, lying, theft, destruction of home, property, my heart,[I] [B]is unacceptable[/B][/I][B]. [/B] We ignore our ill/addicted adult children because their actions around us are [B][I]reprehensible. [/I][/B] We are forced by their choices to change our way of thinking, of doing, [I]of being.[/I] Nothing changes, if nothing changes. When [I]they do not change[/I],[B] [I]we must.[/I][/B] Rather the question,[I][B] "What kind of mother allows her adult child to abuse, use and mistreat her? To disrespect himself and his own mother, in her home?[/B][/I] No mas, NO MORE! Unacceptable. We are the first people they look to. The first they come to. When we say[B] no more[/B], [I]they have to take a better look at themselves. [/I] It is a difficult thing to be at two different points of the cross roads. This I know. I am sorry Albie, it is a double edged thing to suffer. [I]How well I know this[/I], as Hubs was insistent on "helping" Rain. It sickened me as I could see her [I]using his love for her[/I]. There was nothing I could do to[I] make[/I] him see, he had to come to that point on his own terms. It did drive us apart, and she continued to sledge hammer that wedge between us. She did not act menacingly to me in his presence. Only when he was not around. He did not see the full affect of rage and blame that she unleashed.The look of hate and disgust in her eyes. She would not approach her father the same way she approached me. This is calculated manipulation and triangulation. Both parents are targeted. It is the most heinous part of illness/addiction, that an adult child would try to drive their parents apart, to get what he/she wants. I am glad you both will see a counselor. I pray for this counselor to have wisdom and give good guidance. It is hard enough dealing with the issues brought upon us with an adult child going off the deep end,[I] plus deal with resulting rifts in our relationship. [/I] My heart and prayers go out to you dear one. As you travel this road, please know you are not alone. We care, and we are here for you. (((HUGS))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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