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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 696123" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Albatross. This breaks my heart. You with a broken heart. </p><p></p><p>OMG, he knows you love him--with every fiber of his being. He is soaked in it. That is half the problem--he cannot push himself beyond a dyad with you--to grow up. Because your love for him, yours and his Dad was so sweet. </p><p></p><p>In the past few months, when the subject of love came up with my son--he expressed his great pain that I believed he did not love me. He said he never stopped loving me. That he loved me. That he did not love himself, and could not see beyond this.</p><p></p><p>Albatross. Do you see why I do what I do? Why I keep trying? I cannot bear how you feel. How it feels to let my son go. For those four plus years I cut out my own heart in order to tolerate pushing him away. Oh how I hate this. For you, for me, for all of us.</p><p></p><p>I would feel like climbing into the car (except I am afraid to drive) and going to look for him. We have done that more than once. Many times more. Gone up and down the streets. If my son was on the road--I would want to go town to town. Feeling Sad did that when her paranoid schizophrenic son was homeless in Seattle. She went there, states away from home and she walked the streets.</p><p></p><p>I wonder how she is. Because now she has the restraining order. </p><p></p><p>I think I will fix a gin and tonic. Or two. I am so sorry, Albatross.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 696123, member: 18958"] Albatross. This breaks my heart. You with a broken heart. OMG, he knows you love him--with every fiber of his being. He is soaked in it. That is half the problem--he cannot push himself beyond a dyad with you--to grow up. Because your love for him, yours and his Dad was so sweet. In the past few months, when the subject of love came up with my son--he expressed his great pain that I believed he did not love me. He said he never stopped loving me. That he loved me. That he did not love himself, and could not see beyond this. Albatross. Do you see why I do what I do? Why I keep trying? I cannot bear how you feel. How it feels to let my son go. For those four plus years I cut out my own heart in order to tolerate pushing him away. Oh how I hate this. For you, for me, for all of us. I would feel like climbing into the car (except I am afraid to drive) and going to look for him. We have done that more than once. Many times more. Gone up and down the streets. If my son was on the road--I would want to go town to town. Feeling Sad did that when her paranoid schizophrenic son was homeless in Seattle. She went there, states away from home and she walked the streets. I wonder how she is. Because now she has the restraining order. I think I will fix a gin and tonic. Or two. I am so sorry, Albatross. [/QUOTE]
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