It occurred to me while reading your post that you have now connected with both of your daughters....one is tucked away in jail, hopefully detoxing, and the other, as you mentioned, looks better than you imagined she would. It isn't a perfect scenario of course, putting aside the obvious sorrow of our kids being out there, in our view, unprotected, unsafe and living in danger. However, as you saw, Rain looks ok, she made an effort to see you and agreed with you on your choice to not bail Tornado out and, maybe the most poignant, she has empathy for Tornados kids.
Like you Leafy, I've been at this a long time......there is much suffering and many struggles....but occasionally, I believe we receive a bit of clarity to keep our hearts from drowning in misery.
Just as a fresh perspective.....
....you now know where Tornado is. She is 'safe', has a bed and meals.
....you know she is free of drugs for the first time in a long time and that will continue.
....Tornado may find opportunities for rehab or other options as she travels this new path.
....you looked deep within and determined your boundaries in this particular situation....not easy, but necessary, and you did it.
....you now know that Rain is looking better than you thought. So that awful image you held is gone and a new one replaces it.
....she sought out a connection with you.
....she is holding her own in the world she chose.
....she is supportive of your decision and sees jail as a positive for her sister.
....she validated your feelings about Tornado
....she exhibited empathy and compassion.
From a certain perspective, there are positive results. We live in a sort of alternative universe here where everything seems upside down and sideways most of the time.......however, I see a lot of forward motion in these new developments Leafy. Our hearts take a pounding...but sometimes there are silver linings.....I believe you have some serious silver linings here.
Many hugs coming your way........
