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afraid of myself - long - please
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<blockquote data-quote="trinityroyal" data-source="post: 231125" data-attributes="member: 3907"><p>Kjs,</p><p>I'm so sorry you find yourself in this situation. It is so hard being the one that keeps everything together, and an outsider in your own family.</p><p></p><p>Your focus is on doing everything that needs doing to keep the bills paid, the house in order, everyone's mental and physical health taken care of, meals on the table, school work done, etc. etc. etc. That leaves absolutely no room for fun stuff.</p><p></p><p>difficult child and H (given the way he's treating you, I can't refer to him as Dear), deal only with the fun stuff, and leave you to mop up. </p><p></p><p>And, they don't witness your efforts. You're at work when they're doing fun stuff, and they're at work and at school when you're running around like a chicken with no head. Unseen, unacknowledged and unappreciated, perceived as the bad guy.</p><p></p><p>That's no way to live, and you need to make changes. They're not going to change unless or until you do.</p><p></p><p>I agree with Marcie Mac, Lothlorien and Crazymama30's advice to you. You need to start taking care of you, because no one else will unless you set the example by demonstrating how you are to be treated.</p><p></p><p>Get to a therapist. Change your work hours. Stop covering everyone's bills. Kick H out, if you feel that's the right move. Whatever you have to do, you need to do it. If you wait for husband to change or difficult child to change, you will be waiting the rest of your life, to no avail. Make the changes YOU want to see now, and let H and difficult child either fall in line or get out of your way.</p><p></p><p>Sending many gentle hugs, and strength to take whatever steps you need to. I've been where you are and it was horrible.</p><p></p><p>Trinity</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="trinityroyal, post: 231125, member: 3907"] Kjs, I'm so sorry you find yourself in this situation. It is so hard being the one that keeps everything together, and an outsider in your own family. Your focus is on doing everything that needs doing to keep the bills paid, the house in order, everyone's mental and physical health taken care of, meals on the table, school work done, etc. etc. etc. That leaves absolutely no room for fun stuff. difficult child and H (given the way he's treating you, I can't refer to him as Dear), deal only with the fun stuff, and leave you to mop up. And, they don't witness your efforts. You're at work when they're doing fun stuff, and they're at work and at school when you're running around like a chicken with no head. Unseen, unacknowledged and unappreciated, perceived as the bad guy. That's no way to live, and you need to make changes. They're not going to change unless or until you do. I agree with Marcie Mac, Lothlorien and Crazymama30's advice to you. You need to start taking care of you, because no one else will unless you set the example by demonstrating how you are to be treated. Get to a therapist. Change your work hours. Stop covering everyone's bills. Kick H out, if you feel that's the right move. Whatever you have to do, you need to do it. If you wait for husband to change or difficult child to change, you will be waiting the rest of your life, to no avail. Make the changes YOU want to see now, and let H and difficult child either fall in line or get out of your way. Sending many gentle hugs, and strength to take whatever steps you need to. I've been where you are and it was horrible. Trinity [/QUOTE]
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