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afraid of myself - long - please
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<blockquote data-quote="trinityroyal" data-source="post: 231131" data-attributes="member: 3907"><p>Kjs, that's the thing.</p><p>If it will fall apart without your participation, then the best thing you can do is to let it fall apart.</p><p></p><p>Let the others deal with the fallout. If difficult child is going to go off the rails, then let it happen and let husband deal with it. If you keep doing everything because "it will all fall apart without you", then no one else will ever do anything because there is no incentive. </p><p></p><p>Believe me, they will just sit idly by while you have a stroke or a nervous breakdown or a heart attack. Until they have a reason to change that motivates them, they just won't do it.</p><p></p><p></p><p>As to your second question, about finding a wonderful husband...</p><p>my take is that wonderful husbands are <strong><em>made</em></strong>, not <strong>found</strong>.</p><p></p><p>My first husband was a rotter. An absolute rotter. I was miserable, and put up with a lot of grief until I hit a wall and realized that I just couldn't live the rest of my life that way. If you want details about how I planned my exit from that marriage, please PM me. It will make sure that your interests are taken care of.</p><p></p><p>With my husband, whenever he showed any sign of treating me in a way I did not want to be treated, I would tell him. "When you do that, it makes me feel dismissed." or "That behaviour reminds me of my ex-H. There's nothing wrong with it, but I'm sensitive to it." or whatever. Over the years, husband has realized that I won't put up with certain things, so he doesn't dish them out. He's not perfect, but he loves and respects me. And I've had to do a lot of very hard work to make sure that's the case, because I wasn't going to relive the misery I had the first time around.</p><p></p><p>Please look after yourself and be gentle with yourself. It's not a sin to put yourself first. It's self-preservation, and it ensures that you have the strength to take care of whatever and whoever else you need to.</p><p></p><p>Sending more hugs,</p><p>Trinity</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="trinityroyal, post: 231131, member: 3907"] Kjs, that's the thing. If it will fall apart without your participation, then the best thing you can do is to let it fall apart. Let the others deal with the fallout. If difficult child is going to go off the rails, then let it happen and let husband deal with it. If you keep doing everything because "it will all fall apart without you", then no one else will ever do anything because there is no incentive. Believe me, they will just sit idly by while you have a stroke or a nervous breakdown or a heart attack. Until they have a reason to change that motivates them, they just won't do it. As to your second question, about finding a wonderful husband... my take is that wonderful husbands are [B][I]made[/I][/B], not [B]found[/B]. My first husband was a rotter. An absolute rotter. I was miserable, and put up with a lot of grief until I hit a wall and realized that I just couldn't live the rest of my life that way. If you want details about how I planned my exit from that marriage, please PM me. It will make sure that your interests are taken care of. With my husband, whenever he showed any sign of treating me in a way I did not want to be treated, I would tell him. "When you do that, it makes me feel dismissed." or "That behaviour reminds me of my ex-H. There's nothing wrong with it, but I'm sensitive to it." or whatever. Over the years, husband has realized that I won't put up with certain things, so he doesn't dish them out. He's not perfect, but he loves and respects me. And I've had to do a lot of very hard work to make sure that's the case, because I wasn't going to relive the misery I had the first time around. Please look after yourself and be gentle with yourself. It's not a sin to put yourself first. It's self-preservation, and it ensures that you have the strength to take care of whatever and whoever else you need to. Sending more hugs, Trinity [/QUOTE]
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afraid of myself - long - please
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