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afraid of myself - long - please
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<blockquote data-quote="bran155" data-source="post: 231143"><p>Oh, hun!!! First many, many ((((((((HUGS))))))))). I am so sorry you are feeling so down. I know that being the "MOM" is hard work, thankless work!!! Add me to the list of us who think it's time for you to take back some of YOUR life. I also agree, counseling is in order. You should see someone, you need an outlet for your frustrations. Which, by the way you are so justified in. You are doing way too much. Just stop. Stop cleaning, stop doing the laundry, do not cook, no more taxi rides, no more!!! Let them wear dirty clothes and eat frozen dinners. Let the house fall apart. You are far more important than the house. I would much rather see the house fall apart then you fall apart. You cannot do it all. You are human and you matter just as much as everyone else in your household. I think husbands and children take us moms for granted. They tend to think we run on batteries and have no feelings. Give to them exactly what they are giving to you. Especially your husband. Work on you, once you start to feel better about yourself the neglect you are getting from your husband won't matter as much. You can't change other people, you can only change yourself and the way you react to these other people. Seek therapy, join some sort of group, bowling, ceramics, softball, anything to make friends. Once you start feeling good about you, the rest will fall into place. Your life matters, you ARE important, you ARE valuable!!!! Remember that!!!</p><p></p><p>Don't beat yourself up for losing it. We all lose from time to time. I have said things to and in front of my difficult child that I shouldn't have. We do not run on batteries, we have feelings too. Why can't we be the ones to lose it? If you didn't lose it occasionally that would concern me much more. You need some down time desperately!!! Can you take a night off work and just go and stay in a hotel somewhere, drink some wine, take a bubble bath, bring a good book and relax? Our difficult children are not the only ones who need respite from time to time. You are a vital part of the family. Your well being is just as important as your children's and your husband's!!! You are running yourself into the ground. You MUST care for yourself first!!! You will be no good to anyone else unless you are good to yourself first.</p><p></p><p>Maybe you should give your husband a taste of his own medicine!!!! Ignore him before he gets the chance to ignore you. Treat yourself to a day of beauty. Get a new hairdo, new make up, new outfit and go out one night. Even if it is by yourself. Peek his interest. Let him see you prancing around looking beautiful and just walk out the door, stay out late. Heck, take a nap in your car if you need to, go to the local coffee house with a book and sit there for as long as possible. He doesn't have to know where you are going. </p><p></p><p>You are not alone. I'm sure we all can relate to what you are going through on one level or another. I am having similar issues with my husband. Not so much household things. He does help me a great deal with housework. In fact I think he cleans more than me. Only because he can't sit still. He always has to be doing something. But we have sort of come to a point where we are distant and disconnected. We act more like friends, like roommates. Our passion is dying. The romance is not there anymore. Sex has become a chore. It's far and few between lately. So, I can understand how you are feeling somewhat. We are trying to re-connect with regards to intimacy. We as a couple get lost in the mundane routine that has become our life. It is very hard to keep the relationship fresh, keep that spark alive while living in this chaos. Our kids take so much out of us. We get lost. </p><p></p><p>Hang in there hun!!! You are going to be okay. You are in my thoughts.</p><p></p><p>God bless.</p><p></p><p>Shawna <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="bran155, post: 231143"] Oh, hun!!! First many, many ((((((((HUGS))))))))). I am so sorry you are feeling so down. I know that being the "MOM" is hard work, thankless work!!! Add me to the list of us who think it's time for you to take back some of YOUR life. I also agree, counseling is in order. You should see someone, you need an outlet for your frustrations. Which, by the way you are so justified in. You are doing way too much. Just stop. Stop cleaning, stop doing the laundry, do not cook, no more taxi rides, no more!!! Let them wear dirty clothes and eat frozen dinners. Let the house fall apart. You are far more important than the house. I would much rather see the house fall apart then you fall apart. You cannot do it all. You are human and you matter just as much as everyone else in your household. I think husbands and children take us moms for granted. They tend to think we run on batteries and have no feelings. Give to them exactly what they are giving to you. Especially your husband. Work on you, once you start to feel better about yourself the neglect you are getting from your husband won't matter as much. You can't change other people, you can only change yourself and the way you react to these other people. Seek therapy, join some sort of group, bowling, ceramics, softball, anything to make friends. Once you start feeling good about you, the rest will fall into place. Your life matters, you ARE important, you ARE valuable!!!! Remember that!!! Don't beat yourself up for losing it. We all lose from time to time. I have said things to and in front of my difficult child that I shouldn't have. We do not run on batteries, we have feelings too. Why can't we be the ones to lose it? If you didn't lose it occasionally that would concern me much more. You need some down time desperately!!! Can you take a night off work and just go and stay in a hotel somewhere, drink some wine, take a bubble bath, bring a good book and relax? Our difficult children are not the only ones who need respite from time to time. You are a vital part of the family. Your well being is just as important as your children's and your husband's!!! You are running yourself into the ground. You MUST care for yourself first!!! You will be no good to anyone else unless you are good to yourself first. Maybe you should give your husband a taste of his own medicine!!!! Ignore him before he gets the chance to ignore you. Treat yourself to a day of beauty. Get a new hairdo, new make up, new outfit and go out one night. Even if it is by yourself. Peek his interest. Let him see you prancing around looking beautiful and just walk out the door, stay out late. Heck, take a nap in your car if you need to, go to the local coffee house with a book and sit there for as long as possible. He doesn't have to know where you are going. You are not alone. I'm sure we all can relate to what you are going through on one level or another. I am having similar issues with my husband. Not so much household things. He does help me a great deal with housework. In fact I think he cleans more than me. Only because he can't sit still. He always has to be doing something. But we have sort of come to a point where we are distant and disconnected. We act more like friends, like roommates. Our passion is dying. The romance is not there anymore. Sex has become a chore. It's far and few between lately. So, I can understand how you are feeling somewhat. We are trying to re-connect with regards to intimacy. We as a couple get lost in the mundane routine that has become our life. It is very hard to keep the relationship fresh, keep that spark alive while living in this chaos. Our kids take so much out of us. We get lost. Hang in there hun!!! You are going to be okay. You are in my thoughts. God bless. Shawna :) [/QUOTE]
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