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afraid of myself - long - please
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<blockquote data-quote="trinityroyal" data-source="post: 231146" data-attributes="member: 3907"><p>Lisa, you've hit the nail on the head.</p><p></p><p>An example from my difficult child's world, not the same but it does address the same issue:</p><p></p><p>At 14, difficult child walked up to husband and asked to have his shoes tied. And God help him, husband bent down and tied difficult child's shoes. For the longest time, difficult child was so dependent on husband that they both got into the habit of husband doing <em>EVERYTHING</em>. Little easy child at 2 had more independence than that. </p><p></p><p>So, I laid down the law. If difficult child's shoes were going to get tied, he was going to do it. If difficult child's nose was going to get wiped, he was going to do it. </p><p></p><p>And difficult child did. Not just tying his own shoes, but learning to cook, learning to manage his time, learning how to complete assignments in his vocational program, etc. Because he realized that no one was going to step in and rescue him anymore, so he might as well get on with it.</p><p></p><p>I get the feeling that your difficult child will step up too. It might take a few (or many) false starts, but I think he'll get there.</p><p></p><p>It's hard when you've carved out the role of "fixer" for yourself. Feeling needed is great, and gives you a sense of purpose. BUT...when you're unappreciated and running yourself ragged, then it's high time to stop.</p><p></p><p>Kjs, I apologize if I'm coming across as harsh. I don't mean to be. I just remember having to be dragged kicking and screaming away from "fix everything" mode. I also remember how good it felt to finally get off the treadmill, and that's what I'm hoping for you too.</p><p></p><p>Trinity</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="trinityroyal, post: 231146, member: 3907"] Lisa, you've hit the nail on the head. An example from my difficult child's world, not the same but it does address the same issue: At 14, difficult child walked up to husband and asked to have his shoes tied. And God help him, husband bent down and tied difficult child's shoes. For the longest time, difficult child was so dependent on husband that they both got into the habit of husband doing [I]EVERYTHING[/I]. Little easy child at 2 had more independence than that. So, I laid down the law. If difficult child's shoes were going to get tied, he was going to do it. If difficult child's nose was going to get wiped, he was going to do it. And difficult child did. Not just tying his own shoes, but learning to cook, learning to manage his time, learning how to complete assignments in his vocational program, etc. Because he realized that no one was going to step in and rescue him anymore, so he might as well get on with it. I get the feeling that your difficult child will step up too. It might take a few (or many) false starts, but I think he'll get there. It's hard when you've carved out the role of "fixer" for yourself. Feeling needed is great, and gives you a sense of purpose. BUT...when you're unappreciated and running yourself ragged, then it's high time to stop. Kjs, I apologize if I'm coming across as harsh. I don't mean to be. I just remember having to be dragged kicking and screaming away from "fix everything" mode. I also remember how good it felt to finally get off the treadmill, and that's what I'm hoping for you too. Trinity [/QUOTE]
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