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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 678836" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I think it is because we are clear, we have always been clear that having been hit or otherwise physically humiliated and controlled was wrong. And we were mad about it. </p><p></p><p>As children we were mad, too. We knew. We knew when we were hurt it was wrong, and if our siblings were hurt, we knew too, that it was a wrong and bad thing. (Except our sisters may have been confused about this, if it was us that was beat. I do not remember my sister ever having been even spanked, let alone beat.)</p><p></p><p>So our physical abuse at their hands was kind of ho hum. Because it was clear cut.</p><p></p><p>But our having been molded into little servants, and molding ourselves into mainly compliant slaves, was insidious. These were the only people we knew how to be. Even if there was rebellion, we rebelled against the authority imposed by them, not by the abuse of authority in our relationships with ourselves.</p><p></p><p>I believe it has to do with the maps we were talking about, the fact that we can now objectify all of this. What a good thing. We can depict a schema or map of our mother and of our sister...and in the margins we see ourselves. We can show up in the negative space.</p><p></p><p>And just like Hillary Clinton's erased emails on the home brew server, we can recover ourselves.</p><p></p><p>The category or concept of narcissism is really only a description of patterns, as is a map. It is not necessarily a thing: It is a diagram. An illustrative diagram. By drawing the outlines of our mothers' and our sisters' psyches and behaviors we can therefore see our own, in what is left, what is revealed, that had been concealed.</p><p></p><p>First by the actions of the mother, than those of the sister, and of ourselves too. How we molded and constrained ourselves to respond to highly damaging environments and highly damaging acts towards us, in order to survive.</p><p></p><p>Now it is time to thrive, by redrawing our internal maps, so as to not be so constricted, still defined by choices of others, so long, long ago.</p><p></p><p>I for one am having a hard time because my son is back in my town, and I am trying to draw a different map in response to him. So far I have addressed the physical part of things: where to live, etc. Kind of like the physical abuse. <em>It is all the other stuff is the hard part.</em></p><p></p><p>I am realizing how deathly afraid of him and his power over me, I am. Of my son.</p><p></p><p>Almost, I feel like going back to bed.</p><p></p><p>I recognize that my relationship with my son may have been drawn in much of its character, from that which I had with my parents and sister. After all that was the only prototype I had from which to relate.</p><p></p><p>I am very, very afraid.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 678836, member: 18958"] I think it is because we are clear, we have always been clear that having been hit or otherwise physically humiliated and controlled was wrong. And we were mad about it. As children we were mad, too. We knew. We knew when we were hurt it was wrong, and if our siblings were hurt, we knew too, that it was a wrong and bad thing. (Except our sisters may have been confused about this, if it was us that was beat. I do not remember my sister ever having been even spanked, let alone beat.) So our physical abuse at their hands was kind of ho hum. Because it was clear cut. But our having been molded into little servants, and molding ourselves into mainly compliant slaves, was insidious. These were the only people we knew how to be. Even if there was rebellion, we rebelled against the authority imposed by them, not by the abuse of authority in our relationships with ourselves. I believe it has to do with the maps we were talking about, the fact that we can now objectify all of this. What a good thing. We can depict a schema or map of our mother and of our sister...and in the margins we see ourselves. We can show up in the negative space. And just like Hillary Clinton's erased emails on the home brew server, we can recover ourselves. The category or concept of narcissism is really only a description of patterns, as is a map. It is not necessarily a thing: It is a diagram. An illustrative diagram. By drawing the outlines of our mothers' and our sisters' psyches and behaviors we can therefore see our own, in what is left, what is revealed, that had been concealed. First by the actions of the mother, than those of the sister, and of ourselves too. How we molded and constrained ourselves to respond to highly damaging environments and highly damaging acts towards us, in order to survive. Now it is time to thrive, by redrawing our internal maps, so as to not be so constricted, still defined by choices of others, so long, long ago. I for one am having a hard time because my son is back in my town, and I am trying to draw a different map in response to him. So far I have addressed the physical part of things: where to live, etc. Kind of like the physical abuse. [I]It is all the other stuff is the hard part.[/I] I am realizing how deathly afraid of him and his power over me, I am. Of my son. Almost, I feel like going back to bed. I recognize that my relationship with my son may have been drawn in much of its character, from that which I had with my parents and sister. After all that was the only prototype I had from which to relate. I am very, very afraid. COPA [/QUOTE]
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