Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
After Narcissistic Abuse Link
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 678841" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I have written often about my Dolly, a boxer dog.</p><p></p><p>Dolly I met when she was about 10 months old. At the animal shelter. I wanted another boxer. Our last one, Jack, had died in 1999. It was a long time without.</p><p></p><p>Dolly had been beaten and treated horribly in ways we could not guess. Somehow she had escaped. She was 32 pounds (now over 50), emaciated, covered with mange. She had been hit by a car, apparently, and her back hip, deformed. Most of all she was afraid. She could not bark. She did not know how to kiss. (I taught her the former, Rex, the German Shepherd of the family of M's sister, taught her to kiss.) Over the years we bumped into more and more things that frightened her, even as she grew more and more confident.</p><p></p><p>Like enclosures. For the life of her, she would not go inside of a crate. Apparently she had been confined. </p><p></p><p>So what did we do? We took off the door. Put inside her bed. We shut the door of the room so she was alone. </p><p></p><p>Just herself, her bed now inside the door-less crate, and concrete floors. (Romy was already in his locked crate.) We let her solve it. She did. She slept on her bed inside the crate, door off, and has done so ever since.</p><p></p><p>M now wants to acclimate her to the crate with the door closed because he thinks there will come a time when we need to confine her. He is right.</p><p></p><p>So what does all this have to do with this thread?</p><p></p><p>Dolly <em>only</em> has to overcome her experience in life, to now thrive. Master her past traumas. And she has. She is completely a self-confident dog, now. There is not one behavior that harkens back to the old Dolly, her old life. Not one that I can think of that she has not overcome.</p><p></p><p>She was afraid, but she never did turn against herself. No neurotic behaviors or self-destructive ones, because her enemy was always external to her. Never inside of herself. She feared real dangers, real threats, but not from herself, not at her own paws (hands.)</p><p></p><p>This is entirely different from us. The worst threats for us, are those that we learned to do to ourselves. They may even seem like the best things about us.</p><p></p><p>Docility, hope, loving natures, nurturing, acceptance, compliance, imagination, humor, fantasy. Even a certain femininity, that looks like vulnerability, slight confusion, self-deprecation, deference, the oh so attractive humor of making fun of ourselves, of putting ourselves down. Oh how attractive that has been. YUCK.</p><p></p><p>We may have been prototypical females, so as to not threaten everybody. And completely defanged and confined ourselves and our power.</p><p></p><p>Oh how we may muzzle our angry voices. Strident and oh so unattractive. Out. Damn SPOT.</p><p></p><p>I think we arrived into adulthood eunuchs. Completely castrated females. By ourselves.</p><p></p><p>Really, I do not like Hillary Clinton. I believe it is because she represents the me, that dangerous me, that I cut off. As does my sister. Except that is far more confusing and conflicted. Because I hate her and she hates me. Or is it ourselves we hate?</p><p></p><p>My baby Dolly, luckily does not have this problem. She loves herself and she loves her life. She loves her power and she loves her energy.</p><p></p><p>Who we love and do not love and the whys and how comes are oh so much more complicated. And just as sad.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 678841, member: 18958"] I have written often about my Dolly, a boxer dog. Dolly I met when she was about 10 months old. At the animal shelter. I wanted another boxer. Our last one, Jack, had died in 1999. It was a long time without. Dolly had been beaten and treated horribly in ways we could not guess. Somehow she had escaped. She was 32 pounds (now over 50), emaciated, covered with mange. She had been hit by a car, apparently, and her back hip, deformed. Most of all she was afraid. She could not bark. She did not know how to kiss. (I taught her the former, Rex, the German Shepherd of the family of M's sister, taught her to kiss.) Over the years we bumped into more and more things that frightened her, even as she grew more and more confident. Like enclosures. For the life of her, she would not go inside of a crate. Apparently she had been confined. So what did we do? We took off the door. Put inside her bed. We shut the door of the room so she was alone. Just herself, her bed now inside the door-less crate, and concrete floors. (Romy was already in his locked crate.) We let her solve it. She did. She slept on her bed inside the crate, door off, and has done so ever since. M now wants to acclimate her to the crate with the door closed because he thinks there will come a time when we need to confine her. He is right. So what does all this have to do with this thread? Dolly [I]only[/I] has to overcome her experience in life, to now thrive. Master her past traumas. And she has. She is completely a self-confident dog, now. There is not one behavior that harkens back to the old Dolly, her old life. Not one that I can think of that she has not overcome. She was afraid, but she never did turn against herself. No neurotic behaviors or self-destructive ones, because her enemy was always external to her. Never inside of herself. She feared real dangers, real threats, but not from herself, not at her own paws (hands.) This is entirely different from us. The worst threats for us, are those that we learned to do to ourselves. They may even seem like the best things about us. Docility, hope, loving natures, nurturing, acceptance, compliance, imagination, humor, fantasy. Even a certain femininity, that looks like vulnerability, slight confusion, self-deprecation, deference, the oh so attractive humor of making fun of ourselves, of putting ourselves down. Oh how attractive that has been. YUCK. We may have been prototypical females, so as to not threaten everybody. And completely defanged and confined ourselves and our power. Oh how we may muzzle our angry voices. Strident and oh so unattractive. Out. Damn SPOT. I think we arrived into adulthood eunuchs. Completely castrated females. By ourselves. Really, I do not like Hillary Clinton. I believe it is because she represents the me, that dangerous me, that I cut off. As does my sister. Except that is far more confusing and conflicted. Because I hate her and she hates me. Or is it ourselves we hate? My baby Dolly, luckily does not have this problem. She loves herself and she loves her life. She loves her power and she loves her energy. Who we love and do not love and the whys and how comes are oh so much more complicated. And just as sad. COPA [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
After Narcissistic Abuse Link
Top