Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
After Narcissistic Abuse Link
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 678960" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Whoa, trying to keep up with your posts Copa and Cedar is challenging. I have read and reread and see key points and want to quote almost....well everything.</p><p></p><p>I will start with Cedars response..</p><p></p><p> Who am I without referencing my sister?</p><p><em> That's a good question</em>. I am not sure, which came first, the chicken or the egg.</p><p></p><p>I mean, my childhood was spent fending off this constant onslaught of teasing. So, did I develop hyper sensitivity as a result of that, or was I wired this way?</p><p>I am not sure. I will think about this on my walk this morning.</p><p></p><p>What I<em> can</em> tell you, is that I am learning to accept my sensitivity as a blessing more than a curse. The book I am reading "The Highly Sensitive Person" (not people) is pretty fascinating. There is a "test" with 27 personality traits that I have checked off, about 25 pertain to me. So, am I highly sensitive, <em>not just because the book says I am, </em>I will have to say honestly, yes. Am I this way intrinsically, or because of what I endured growing up with a domineering sister? (Sorry, referencing her again, but I think it is a valid question.)</p><p>Highly sensitive. I need alone time. I need activity and movement. I am an artist, who hasn't tapped the depth of my art,(working on that one, that has to do with delving into deep feelings, trusting myself.....) I am a people person, I love the differences in people and am intrigued by what makes people tick. I am also a people pleaser. (Not good) UGH. I am a hard worker. I have a pollyannish outlook that has gotten me into trouble on more than one occasion with community boards. <em>Which means I have stayed involved with toxic people/situations way longer than I should have. </em>I am a fixer, which probably explains the over involvement when I should have run for the hills.</p><p>I am an extrovert with introverted tendencies. (Does that even make sense?) I can stand up and speak before a crowd, but then wonder if I said, did, dressed the right way.......When I make mistakes, I can ruminate over them until the cows come home and I don't have any cows, so that essentially means forever.</p><p>I can be Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), where things have to be <em>just so</em>, but at this point in time, my house is a mess, which bothers me to no end, but I have had to let it go a bit in order to do everything else I have to do. I have a tendency to become over focused on one thing, zeroing in on it, to the detriment of other stuff I have to do. I am a procrastinator. If I do not stay on top of myself, I can be stuck, a sort of paralysis. I feel deep and long. I have periods of intense activity and hyper modes, then I have moments of down time (am I manic depressive to a degree? Maybe. Yes, there are definitely extreme highs and lows....)</p><p>I love children. I am a dreamer. There is more, but I think that will suffice, for now......Oh, wait, a big one, I have a tendency, which I am trying to overcome, to think people are making fun of me. For instance, if I walk into a crowded room, and people are laughing, I feel like the joke is on me. I definitely think this is from my childhood, so maybe that is referencing my sis to some degree? Okay that is it, I have self esteem problems. So, I also have a tendency to be a bit of a ham. Which doesn't make sense at first, but I think that gives me a feeling of a measure of control?</p><p>Stammered Leafy, blushing and embarrassed for revealing too much, and writing of myself.....it's okay right?</p><p>I am answering the question.......(stomach churns).</p><p></p><p> Yes, I see this. I don't know Cedar, I think it has to do with what I was taught "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."</p><p></p><p>Then there is also this morbid fear and the reality that what I am writing could potentially be viewed by my FOO. THAT frightens me to no end. Why? IS that a part of what was drilled into me? See, I am thankful for what my parents provided for me. Truly I am. Mom, I think was just doing the best she could. For Gods sake, she used to iron my dad's boxer shorts.....dad, busy working. Child of the 50's,we were left to our own devices, a lot. No electronics, it was always "go play outside."</p><p>I was the younger, probably annoying child that had to tag along with my bro and sis. I was literally the third wheel. Bro and sis were pretty tight,<em> besties</em>, I was in the way. I can only imagine what sis must have told mom. "I didn't do anything to her, it is her....." She was not only mean she was F-ing mean.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Mom has the concept of the family dinner. She wants us to be close, when truthfully, we were not raised that way.....Am I compromising myself by wanting to give that to her before she meets her maker? I do not know Cedar, I have to examine this a bit more. Do I become the liar, then? I know by now, that my FOO will not EVER validate my feelings of my childhood. That is up to ME.</p><p>I see, in my fall trip and interactions with sis, that she expects me to fit into this role, <em>that I am outgrowing</em>. I am no longer willing to be who she wants me to be.</p><p>But then, I am, sort of aren't I? If I know that I cannot honestly address things, I have to hold back my feelings, in order to "get along" I am playing the same role. (Talking to myself here) If I have to change who I basically am, in order to keep the peace, what does that say?</p><p></p><p>Then, I am thinking that people have different relationships with other people, where they do not reveal their whole selves, for instance, acquaintances, bosses.....Also, cultures have an entire different language for casual and business.....Am I even making sense here?</p><p></p><p>I am excusing, I am making excuses. This is my <em>sibling</em> I am talking about, and I can't really be myself. I am acquiescing. If she cannot accept me for who I am, as I am, what the heck does that say?</p><p></p><p>More that I need to think on.</p><p></p><p> Yes, true. Also,<em> I do not want to hurt anyone</em>. Truthfully.</p><p></p><p> I see your point Cedar, thank you. It is true that I have much work to do.</p><p></p><p> This is the nail on the head, Copa. I loved this post. You have done wonders with Dolly. I hope she is well Copa.</p><p></p><p> This is sooo true. You know what? I wondered this morning of that. It wasn't just the horror of what the kids were doing, the how's and why's of it. The destructive nature and whatever our imaginations could dwell on.....it was also the fact, at least for my two, that this addiction had turned them into......narcissists. Wait, maybe that is wrong, the drug is the narcissistic THING, and they were enslaved to it and thought only of the high, while destroying everything around them including themselves. The selfishness associated with addiction.......the trampling on others, blaming, conniving, the manipulation......yes these are all indicators of narcissism. It was familiar, Copa and Cedar. It wasn't just the sheer abhorrence at what was happening to the kids, and my reaction, the intense, deep, raw feelings awoke the childhood memories, their personality changes and willingness to mistreat and walk all over me felt familiar.</p><p>The antithesis of being awakened by the sleeping beauty kiss of my children.....oh I am stuck now, on what that could be named.</p><p>It was a slap that sent me reeling back to yesteryear and the old feelings came flooding in.</p><p></p><p>See? Leafy said to herself, there is so much work to do. I have to figure out how I am going to face these issues.</p><p></p><p>I have not really spoken with my sibs. Lets say we were not really raised to be close. It is true. Bro is busy with work, sis with her horse thing and lil sis with her job. It is not so much shunning, as it is.......ignoring? Hmmmmmm. Nice family. <em>Whatever.</em> We will all be thrown together again when mom's illness rears its ugly head.</p><p>She has been okay so far.</p><p>She calls me every weekend and we chat.</p><p>It is what it is.</p><p></p><p>Guys, I have also thought on this.......why isn't there a forum here for self help? Would that be the next step, or a parallel step alongside FOO work? I guess it comes up for me, because I can review my past and family dynamics, but the only person I can change <em>is me.</em>....so I have been working on a thread about guess what........high sensitivity. I guess I will take another leap and just post it in FOO, after all, in a sense, we are our own FOO.</p><p>I was just thinking it would be good to have a self help forum on its own....what do you think?</p><p></p><p>Thank you again for your work and sharing, awesome thought provoking processing ladies.</p><p></p><p>Mahalo nui Cedar, for your questions, Insane for your comments and Copa for your posts. It is true what you say Cedar, you are all <em>too fascinating</em>.</p><p> I am interested too, in your story Pigless, if you are following along, as well as your step sis, very involved auntie with your children......I think the ability to delve back and review our childhoods as well as our FOO relationships is essential to being able to blossom into our true selves. </p><p></p><p>Off for my walk............and many thoughts. Have a wonderful Saturday gang. </p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 678960, member: 19522"] Whoa, trying to keep up with your posts Copa and Cedar is challenging. I have read and reread and see key points and want to quote almost....well everything. I will start with Cedars response.. Who am I without referencing my sister? [I] That's a good question[/I]. I am not sure, which came first, the chicken or the egg. I mean, my childhood was spent fending off this constant onslaught of teasing. So, did I develop hyper sensitivity as a result of that, or was I wired this way? I am not sure. I will think about this on my walk this morning. What I[I] can[/I] tell you, is that I am learning to accept my sensitivity as a blessing more than a curse. The book I am reading "The Highly Sensitive Person" (not people) is pretty fascinating. There is a "test" with 27 personality traits that I have checked off, about 25 pertain to me. So, am I highly sensitive, [I]not just because the book says I am, [/I]I will have to say honestly, yes. Am I this way intrinsically, or because of what I endured growing up with a domineering sister? (Sorry, referencing her again, but I think it is a valid question.) Highly sensitive. I need alone time. I need activity and movement. I am an artist, who hasn't tapped the depth of my art,(working on that one, that has to do with delving into deep feelings, trusting myself.....) I am a people person, I love the differences in people and am intrigued by what makes people tick. I am also a people pleaser. (Not good) UGH. I am a hard worker. I have a pollyannish outlook that has gotten me into trouble on more than one occasion with community boards. [I]Which means I have stayed involved with toxic people/situations way longer than I should have. [/I]I am a fixer, which probably explains the over involvement when I should have run for the hills. I am an extrovert with introverted tendencies. (Does that even make sense?) I can stand up and speak before a crowd, but then wonder if I said, did, dressed the right way.......When I make mistakes, I can ruminate over them until the cows come home and I don't have any cows, so that essentially means forever. I can be Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), where things have to be [I]just so[/I], but at this point in time, my house is a mess, which bothers me to no end, but I have had to let it go a bit in order to do everything else I have to do. I have a tendency to become over focused on one thing, zeroing in on it, to the detriment of other stuff I have to do. I am a procrastinator. If I do not stay on top of myself, I can be stuck, a sort of paralysis. I feel deep and long. I have periods of intense activity and hyper modes, then I have moments of down time (am I manic depressive to a degree? Maybe. Yes, there are definitely extreme highs and lows....) I love children. I am a dreamer. There is more, but I think that will suffice, for now......Oh, wait, a big one, I have a tendency, which I am trying to overcome, to think people are making fun of me. For instance, if I walk into a crowded room, and people are laughing, I feel like the joke is on me. I definitely think this is from my childhood, so maybe that is referencing my sis to some degree? Okay that is it, I have self esteem problems. So, I also have a tendency to be a bit of a ham. Which doesn't make sense at first, but I think that gives me a feeling of a measure of control? Stammered Leafy, blushing and embarrassed for revealing too much, and writing of myself.....it's okay right? I am answering the question.......(stomach churns). Yes, I see this. I don't know Cedar, I think it has to do with what I was taught "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Then there is also this morbid fear and the reality that what I am writing could potentially be viewed by my FOO. THAT frightens me to no end. Why? IS that a part of what was drilled into me? See, I am thankful for what my parents provided for me. Truly I am. Mom, I think was just doing the best she could. For Gods sake, she used to iron my dad's boxer shorts.....dad, busy working. Child of the 50's,we were left to our own devices, a lot. No electronics, it was always "go play outside." I was the younger, probably annoying child that had to tag along with my bro and sis. I was literally the third wheel. Bro and sis were pretty tight,[I] besties[/I], I was in the way. I can only imagine what sis must have told mom. "I didn't do anything to her, it is her....." She was not only mean she was F-ing mean. Mom has the concept of the family dinner. She wants us to be close, when truthfully, we were not raised that way.....Am I compromising myself by wanting to give that to her before she meets her maker? I do not know Cedar, I have to examine this a bit more. Do I become the liar, then? I know by now, that my FOO will not EVER validate my feelings of my childhood. That is up to ME. I see, in my fall trip and interactions with sis, that she expects me to fit into this role, [I]that I am outgrowing[/I]. I am no longer willing to be who she wants me to be. But then, I am, sort of aren't I? If I know that I cannot honestly address things, I have to hold back my feelings, in order to "get along" I am playing the same role. (Talking to myself here) If I have to change who I basically am, in order to keep the peace, what does that say? Then, I am thinking that people have different relationships with other people, where they do not reveal their whole selves, for instance, acquaintances, bosses.....Also, cultures have an entire different language for casual and business.....Am I even making sense here? I am excusing, I am making excuses. This is my [I]sibling[/I] I am talking about, and I can't really be myself. I am acquiescing. If she cannot accept me for who I am, as I am, what the heck does that say? More that I need to think on. Yes, true. Also,[I] I do not want to hurt anyone[/I]. Truthfully. I see your point Cedar, thank you. It is true that I have much work to do. This is the nail on the head, Copa. I loved this post. You have done wonders with Dolly. I hope she is well Copa. This is sooo true. You know what? I wondered this morning of that. It wasn't just the horror of what the kids were doing, the how's and why's of it. The destructive nature and whatever our imaginations could dwell on.....it was also the fact, at least for my two, that this addiction had turned them into......narcissists. Wait, maybe that is wrong, the drug is the narcissistic THING, and they were enslaved to it and thought only of the high, while destroying everything around them including themselves. The selfishness associated with addiction.......the trampling on others, blaming, conniving, the manipulation......yes these are all indicators of narcissism. It was familiar, Copa and Cedar. It wasn't just the sheer abhorrence at what was happening to the kids, and my reaction, the intense, deep, raw feelings awoke the childhood memories, their personality changes and willingness to mistreat and walk all over me felt familiar. The antithesis of being awakened by the sleeping beauty kiss of my children.....oh I am stuck now, on what that could be named. It was a slap that sent me reeling back to yesteryear and the old feelings came flooding in. See? Leafy said to herself, there is so much work to do. I have to figure out how I am going to face these issues. I have not really spoken with my sibs. Lets say we were not really raised to be close. It is true. Bro is busy with work, sis with her horse thing and lil sis with her job. It is not so much shunning, as it is.......ignoring? Hmmmmmm. Nice family. [I]Whatever.[/I] We will all be thrown together again when mom's illness rears its ugly head. She has been okay so far. She calls me every weekend and we chat. It is what it is. Guys, I have also thought on this.......why isn't there a forum here for self help? Would that be the next step, or a parallel step alongside FOO work? I guess it comes up for me, because I can review my past and family dynamics, but the only person I can change [I]is me.[/I]....so I have been working on a thread about guess what........high sensitivity. I guess I will take another leap and just post it in FOO, after all, in a sense, we are our own FOO. I was just thinking it would be good to have a self help forum on its own....what do you think? Thank you again for your work and sharing, awesome thought provoking processing ladies. Mahalo nui Cedar, for your questions, Insane for your comments and Copa for your posts. It is true what you say Cedar, you are all [I]too fascinating[/I]. I am interested too, in your story Pigless, if you are following along, as well as your step sis, very involved auntie with your children......I think the ability to delve back and review our childhoods as well as our FOO relationships is essential to being able to blossom into our true selves. Off for my walk............and many thoughts. Have a wonderful Saturday gang. (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
After Narcissistic Abuse Link
Top