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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 680229" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>i was reading about behavioral economics which has part of its foundation in psychology. i was reading excerpts from the book called Priceless which is an exploration of the research on pricing and how consumers in particular make decisions about buying.</p><p></p><p>one concept is called anchoring. the experiment would be something like this. asked if the average summer climate of san francisco is less than 500 degrees, and then asked to guess the average climate in san francisco, was one group. asked to guess if the average monthly climate of san francisco is less than or greater than 32 degrees, and then asked to guess the average monthly climate of san francisco, is another group. </p><p></p><p>the two groups anchored by different numbers, first, had significantly different estimates of the san francisco climate.</p><p></p><p>so, cedar, here I speak to your insistence that my buying was healing. when i was unable to get out of bed even to eat, i was able to buy kayaks and paint brushes and even a giant loom to weave. I was creating a language of a life that spanned greater breadth than any that I had heretofore lived. when I began to buy jewelry, i made sue that my buying encompassed that which with satiate my wanting. not diamonds or rubies but a level that represented to me, enough. I do not know how I arrived at what was enough but it was not quantity, it was satiation.</p><p></p><p>this makes me think of something with my step father. i was 11 when he married my mother.my sister and i after eating dinner would say, with pleasure, "I'm full." this offended him. we were required to say instead: I am satiated. but never again, I am full. </p><p></p><p>well apparently this had a lasting effect, or perhaps I was warped to begin with because that original psychoanalyst kept asking me *you will remember cedar, what is it about wanting is so difficult for you?</p><p></p><p>well, i guess it has something to do with not being allowed to say i am full.</p><p></p><p>so back to the buying. with kayaks and paintbrushes and looms and dancing shoes (jazz, ballet and of course to tango) i traveled the world of wants to explore. and with jewelry, I set about to define a style. something that would be enough. of course it had to be something that others, a select and unknown audience of jewish matrons in manhattan, would recognize as costly and coveted enough. But of course this same cohort would have in my imagination the means and motivation to buy tremendously more expensive and coveted stuff. so it was not in the main about me. it was what I felt was enough in my own eyes, using these same jewish matrons as my reference point. remember now, before this., 95 percent of my buying had been at thrift stores. so, even though it looked as if I was copying them, what i was really doing was setting a new anchor for myself.</p><p></p><p>so, with jewelry I find an acceptable standard of enough, in relation to a new reference point. (I had given all of my mother's jewelry (except a valueless ring that was infinitely valuable to me, because i had played with it as a child.) so perhaps, too, I was replacing that which I had given my sister (and maybe competing a little bit too.)</p><p> </p><p>so with scarves, i must have set about on another task. the scarf buying had begun when organizing my house, i realized that the scarf collection which I had assembled from the thrift store was a pile of junk. every silk scarf had a hole from the price staple. what i had valued so hghly (they were silk, after all) was really a pile of used rags with holes. I prized them because i had never before had the means to buy an accessory. except socks or a purse, something with a use.</p><p></p><p>so with the scarves i set about (unintentially, I thoght) to explore the range of coveted brands. of cachet. in what other category of item could i buy multiple numbers of hermes or gucci or versace. (even on ebay, used).</p><p></p><p>now when i started my goal was to buy designer quality, for cheap. so I began with a search, made in italy, made in paris, so that i would become conversant with the designers names. and my starting point was dead designers that nobody would remember were expensive. this was a ridiculously strategy until it dawned on me that while I was getting remarkably lovely scarves that highly fashionable women (now dead, too) had coveted and worn, these were still largely "out of style" scarves. but by then I had learned exactly what vintage scarves were highly coveted and valued. I had to pay more but I was buying something that represented to me, something coveted and valuable. I did make a foray into buying a few new and covetyed brands, and I also bough several coveted vintage scarves, just because they were considered by others as signifying value, I realized these were hollow trophies. what seemed to hit the jackpot were highly coveted vintage brands that i loved. and with this I was able to stop. *well, I could stop after i bought winter scarves, too, a thing i never even knew existed.</p><p></p><p>so with the scarves i dug down. (or up, I cannot decide) I explored value. what am i worth? and by deciding that i was worth hermes and gucci and dior. and then stopping, I realized that on a feeling level, I felt not worth much at all. on the basis of relative value and pricing and the market--which after all was the world of my mother. but as M reminded me, I must have felt intrinsically worth something or I would not have done the buying at all. *which I cannot really yet understand but I am accepting it as true, because I want to.</p><p></p><p>because after all how many people buy and buy and endlessly buy, because they do not feel intrinsic value in themselves or anything else. but I am heartened that M thinks I am at essence not one of them.</p><p></p><p>so now that I am out the other side I am agreeing with you cedar that the buying was instrumental and never ever about the stuff. eighty five percent of it will have to be sold. it was a practice (a self-destructive one on a number of levels) of defining myself and anchoring not my value, but something related to it. I will let you know when I learn more.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 680229, member: 18958"] i was reading about behavioral economics which has part of its foundation in psychology. i was reading excerpts from the book called Priceless which is an exploration of the research on pricing and how consumers in particular make decisions about buying. one concept is called anchoring. the experiment would be something like this. asked if the average summer climate of san francisco is less than 500 degrees, and then asked to guess the average climate in san francisco, was one group. asked to guess if the average monthly climate of san francisco is less than or greater than 32 degrees, and then asked to guess the average monthly climate of san francisco, is another group. the two groups anchored by different numbers, first, had significantly different estimates of the san francisco climate. so, cedar, here I speak to your insistence that my buying was healing. when i was unable to get out of bed even to eat, i was able to buy kayaks and paint brushes and even a giant loom to weave. I was creating a language of a life that spanned greater breadth than any that I had heretofore lived. when I began to buy jewelry, i made sue that my buying encompassed that which with satiate my wanting. not diamonds or rubies but a level that represented to me, enough. I do not know how I arrived at what was enough but it was not quantity, it was satiation. this makes me think of something with my step father. i was 11 when he married my mother.my sister and i after eating dinner would say, with pleasure, "I'm full." this offended him. we were required to say instead: I am satiated. but never again, I am full. well apparently this had a lasting effect, or perhaps I was warped to begin with because that original psychoanalyst kept asking me *you will remember cedar, what is it about wanting is so difficult for you? well, i guess it has something to do with not being allowed to say i am full. so back to the buying. with kayaks and paintbrushes and looms and dancing shoes (jazz, ballet and of course to tango) i traveled the world of wants to explore. and with jewelry, I set about to define a style. something that would be enough. of course it had to be something that others, a select and unknown audience of jewish matrons in manhattan, would recognize as costly and coveted enough. But of course this same cohort would have in my imagination the means and motivation to buy tremendously more expensive and coveted stuff. so it was not in the main about me. it was what I felt was enough in my own eyes, using these same jewish matrons as my reference point. remember now, before this., 95 percent of my buying had been at thrift stores. so, even though it looked as if I was copying them, what i was really doing was setting a new anchor for myself. so, with jewelry I find an acceptable standard of enough, in relation to a new reference point. (I had given all of my mother's jewelry (except a valueless ring that was infinitely valuable to me, because i had played with it as a child.) so perhaps, too, I was replacing that which I had given my sister (and maybe competing a little bit too.) so with scarves, i must have set about on another task. the scarf buying had begun when organizing my house, i realized that the scarf collection which I had assembled from the thrift store was a pile of junk. every silk scarf had a hole from the price staple. what i had valued so hghly (they were silk, after all) was really a pile of used rags with holes. I prized them because i had never before had the means to buy an accessory. except socks or a purse, something with a use. so with the scarves i set about (unintentially, I thoght) to explore the range of coveted brands. of cachet. in what other category of item could i buy multiple numbers of hermes or gucci or versace. (even on ebay, used). now when i started my goal was to buy designer quality, for cheap. so I began with a search, made in italy, made in paris, so that i would become conversant with the designers names. and my starting point was dead designers that nobody would remember were expensive. this was a ridiculously strategy until it dawned on me that while I was getting remarkably lovely scarves that highly fashionable women (now dead, too) had coveted and worn, these were still largely "out of style" scarves. but by then I had learned exactly what vintage scarves were highly coveted and valued. I had to pay more but I was buying something that represented to me, something coveted and valuable. I did make a foray into buying a few new and covetyed brands, and I also bough several coveted vintage scarves, just because they were considered by others as signifying value, I realized these were hollow trophies. what seemed to hit the jackpot were highly coveted vintage brands that i loved. and with this I was able to stop. *well, I could stop after i bought winter scarves, too, a thing i never even knew existed. so with the scarves i dug down. (or up, I cannot decide) I explored value. what am i worth? and by deciding that i was worth hermes and gucci and dior. and then stopping, I realized that on a feeling level, I felt not worth much at all. on the basis of relative value and pricing and the market--which after all was the world of my mother. but as M reminded me, I must have felt intrinsically worth something or I would not have done the buying at all. *which I cannot really yet understand but I am accepting it as true, because I want to. because after all how many people buy and buy and endlessly buy, because they do not feel intrinsic value in themselves or anything else. but I am heartened that M thinks I am at essence not one of them. so now that I am out the other side I am agreeing with you cedar that the buying was instrumental and never ever about the stuff. eighty five percent of it will have to be sold. it was a practice (a self-destructive one on a number of levels) of defining myself and anchoring not my value, but something related to it. I will let you know when I learn more. [/QUOTE]
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