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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 752300" data-attributes="member: 4152"><p>Filled with sheer gratitude and awe at the meaningful and insightful comments.</p><p></p><p>I recall speaking with a young man in his 20s who had gotten two dui’s and realized he probably was an alcoholic. He told me that he knew in his heart it would take not only traditional psychology, but a Higher Power to help him. I had to agree.</p><p></p><p>Regarding the secrecy. Oh my. Years ago, I either didn’t tell people at all about our daughter or told them she had adhd. I told only my closest friends (2) both of whom lived in cities an hour away the truth about her diagnosis. And these other people I’m referring to on this thread... who live in another state. I big time avoid telling people in my city or community her actual diagnosis.</p><p></p><p>Someone here at this site , I believe, once said chances are high you are NOT truly hiding it. Over time, I soon realized that most people knew she was “not well.” Probably nearly everybody in my neighborhood for example. It was not my place to discuss it...but it became clear that for many people...I wasn’t fooling them one bit.</p><p></p><p>So, yes it the elephant in the room with these folks. And oddly we talk about everything under the sun. Oddly, he has no patience for our daughter and is amazed that we do. She is much quieter. They both empathize/sympathize regarding the relentless efforts we have made to help her and the stress it often causes for us.</p><p></p><p>I sense that he is worsening in a variety of ways. It’s not overt. It’s subtle. They never explain his slow walking. One time his hands shook badly, they didn’t explain it. It went away. They no longer hide the bottle in their room. We don’t ask.</p><p></p><p>I sense that she is stressed. He says he will cut back on working. He has mentioned a hobby. He is retirement age...so nothing too weird here.</p><p></p><p>Yes, I do think they appreciate that we don’t mention it.</p><p></p><p>I have noticed her cow towing to him a little. Making sure we go to a restaurant that has his favorite dessert, making sure he is never bored.</p><p></p><p>by the way, he doesn’t sleep much. Up VERY super early even if we come back late at night. Like 5 am early!</p><p></p><p>I heard about this author Judith Grisel. Alcoholic and drug abuser. She got clean , got a phD and wrote a book on brain chemistry called “Never Enough.” She started drinking young and it was an instant “high.” An instant strong attraction. Like what WC talked about. I have the book. Some chapters are a bit too science - y for me and it makes for slow (er) reading. But overall...VERY good and very interesting.</p><p></p><p>I don’t think this person is at an end stage. Maybe some middle stage , but on a fast slippery slope. She might be just a bit behind him. I sense she may not have that genetic “allergy” pushing her. She is pulling back. Thank goodness.</p><p></p><p>They are super Nice, intelligent and motivated. And I sense they may be motivated to try to keep drinking (especially him) and somehow try to avoid (or slow down) the big health issues and certainly the appearance of end stage alcoholism. Like the hobby. Like light exercise. Like eating healthy. Does this make sense? This is VERY likely a losing battle. They both have to know this.especially for him as there is no evidence of him slowing down.</p><p></p><p>It is upsetting to watch.</p><p></p><p>She is curtailing her drinking. He is not. Not even a little.</p><p></p><p>Congratulations wise choices. You are an inspiration. </p><p></p><p>I greatly appreciate the information and the prayers.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 752300, member: 4152"] Filled with sheer gratitude and awe at the meaningful and insightful comments. I recall speaking with a young man in his 20s who had gotten two dui’s and realized he probably was an alcoholic. He told me that he knew in his heart it would take not only traditional psychology, but a Higher Power to help him. I had to agree. Regarding the secrecy. Oh my. Years ago, I either didn’t tell people at all about our daughter or told them she had adhd. I told only my closest friends (2) both of whom lived in cities an hour away the truth about her diagnosis. And these other people I’m referring to on this thread... who live in another state. I big time avoid telling people in my city or community her actual diagnosis. Someone here at this site , I believe, once said chances are high you are NOT truly hiding it. Over time, I soon realized that most people knew she was “not well.” Probably nearly everybody in my neighborhood for example. It was not my place to discuss it...but it became clear that for many people...I wasn’t fooling them one bit. So, yes it the elephant in the room with these folks. And oddly we talk about everything under the sun. Oddly, he has no patience for our daughter and is amazed that we do. She is much quieter. They both empathize/sympathize regarding the relentless efforts we have made to help her and the stress it often causes for us. I sense that he is worsening in a variety of ways. It’s not overt. It’s subtle. They never explain his slow walking. One time his hands shook badly, they didn’t explain it. It went away. They no longer hide the bottle in their room. We don’t ask. I sense that she is stressed. He says he will cut back on working. He has mentioned a hobby. He is retirement age...so nothing too weird here. Yes, I do think they appreciate that we don’t mention it. I have noticed her cow towing to him a little. Making sure we go to a restaurant that has his favorite dessert, making sure he is never bored. by the way, he doesn’t sleep much. Up VERY super early even if we come back late at night. Like 5 am early! I heard about this author Judith Grisel. Alcoholic and drug abuser. She got clean , got a phD and wrote a book on brain chemistry called “Never Enough.” She started drinking young and it was an instant “high.” An instant strong attraction. Like what WC talked about. I have the book. Some chapters are a bit too science - y for me and it makes for slow (er) reading. But overall...VERY good and very interesting. I don’t think this person is at an end stage. Maybe some middle stage , but on a fast slippery slope. She might be just a bit behind him. I sense she may not have that genetic “allergy” pushing her. She is pulling back. Thank goodness. They are super Nice, intelligent and motivated. And I sense they may be motivated to try to keep drinking (especially him) and somehow try to avoid (or slow down) the big health issues and certainly the appearance of end stage alcoholism. Like the hobby. Like light exercise. Like eating healthy. Does this make sense? This is VERY likely a losing battle. They both have to know this.especially for him as there is no evidence of him slowing down. It is upsetting to watch. She is curtailing her drinking. He is not. Not even a little. Congratulations wise choices. You are an inspiration. I greatly appreciate the information and the prayers. [/QUOTE]
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