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All My Kids Are 18+ So Now What?
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<blockquote data-quote="Shari" data-source="post: 197067" data-attributes="member: 1848"><p>easy child 1 is far from a perfect child. He is 20 years old and lives mostly with his fiance. His financial house is a disaster, and getting worse, and his relationship is not in a good place (part of the reason the finances are a disaster). I wish I could help him, but thanks to living with difficult child's, I realize there are some things I can't affect, so I don't try. Handing him money won't help him - he has a good job and very few expenses and can't make ends meet - he just has to learn. I offer advice when he asks, and will offer a hand when he realizes his own contributions to his problems, mainly the financial ones. I think he will get there, but he has to learn it on his own.</p><p>***</p><p>difficult child 1 - 18 was a magical day because I could no longer be held responsible for his actions, which at the time, were bad. It literally, for me, was survival til he left for boot. When he left, he went to boot, so I knew he was safe, and people on the roads were safe. I had a year of him living in the barracks, where he was somewhat restricted, so I had a year to unwind knowing he was relatively safe. Now he has moved out into a place of his own with his new wife, and while I have no idea what the future holds for him (and it concerns me), he's far enough away that the distance and time have given me a bit of an "out of sight, out of mind" mentality about it.</p><p>***</p><p>I know this is about 18 and overs, but I still have 1.5 in the nest. I worry about easy child 2's future. My fear is that she will have the first grandchild. My hands are seriously tied in what I can do to intervene, so I try to do what I can and let it be where I can't. I worry where she and husband's family will lead my own marriage and future, but I try not to dwell on it.</p><p>***</p><p>difficult child 2, I am busting my arse to make his future better than his father's, but I am trying to be realistic about it, as well. The deck is stacked against him. Six years ago, when his father walked out, I said to myself its for the best because I don't want to be living the life his mother is, explaining to her daughter-in-law why her husband is a loser. There's a good probability that I will be, anyway. I will keep busting my butt for him, but I also try not to consider his outcome my success or failure - been there done that and its not a good thing. Raising kids, easy child or difficult child, is a lot of hard work and committment, and a whole lot of luck of the draw.</p><p>***</p><p>I think I will enjoy the empty nest. At least thus far, I remember who I was and what I enjoyed, and I miss that aspect of my life. I worry sometimes that my attitude isn't healthy, but it is what it is, and I am what I am.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Shari, post: 197067, member: 1848"] easy child 1 is far from a perfect child. He is 20 years old and lives mostly with his fiance. His financial house is a disaster, and getting worse, and his relationship is not in a good place (part of the reason the finances are a disaster). I wish I could help him, but thanks to living with difficult child's, I realize there are some things I can't affect, so I don't try. Handing him money won't help him - he has a good job and very few expenses and can't make ends meet - he just has to learn. I offer advice when he asks, and will offer a hand when he realizes his own contributions to his problems, mainly the financial ones. I think he will get there, but he has to learn it on his own. *** difficult child 1 - 18 was a magical day because I could no longer be held responsible for his actions, which at the time, were bad. It literally, for me, was survival til he left for boot. When he left, he went to boot, so I knew he was safe, and people on the roads were safe. I had a year of him living in the barracks, where he was somewhat restricted, so I had a year to unwind knowing he was relatively safe. Now he has moved out into a place of his own with his new wife, and while I have no idea what the future holds for him (and it concerns me), he's far enough away that the distance and time have given me a bit of an "out of sight, out of mind" mentality about it. *** I know this is about 18 and overs, but I still have 1.5 in the nest. I worry about easy child 2's future. My fear is that she will have the first grandchild. My hands are seriously tied in what I can do to intervene, so I try to do what I can and let it be where I can't. I worry where she and husband's family will lead my own marriage and future, but I try not to dwell on it. *** difficult child 2, I am busting my arse to make his future better than his father's, but I am trying to be realistic about it, as well. The deck is stacked against him. Six years ago, when his father walked out, I said to myself its for the best because I don't want to be living the life his mother is, explaining to her daughter-in-law why her husband is a loser. There's a good probability that I will be, anyway. I will keep busting my butt for him, but I also try not to consider his outcome my success or failure - been there done that and its not a good thing. Raising kids, easy child or difficult child, is a lot of hard work and committment, and a whole lot of luck of the draw. *** I think I will enjoy the empty nest. At least thus far, I remember who I was and what I enjoyed, and I miss that aspect of my life. I worry sometimes that my attitude isn't healthy, but it is what it is, and I am what I am. [/QUOTE]
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All My Kids Are 18+ So Now What?
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