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<blockquote data-quote="Dun Haddit" data-source="post: 623519" data-attributes="member: 17823"><p>He steals food from his siblings. from the pantry, fridge, garage freezer, etc. Everything is now locked in our bedroom, padlock on the fridge and the freezer was kept locked. found out that he has been picking the lock on the freezer so now we bought an industrial strength adhesive hasp to lock that. Every day, hundreds of times a day, he walks past 2 different fruit bowls and wont touch it...it's almost as if he can't consume anything unless it was pilfered. </p><p></p><p>I agree it's not if, but when he finally gets arrested for doing something, even if it's me who calls the police on his for more property damage...but the funny thing, so far 3 police visits and nothing gets a reaction from him. He had the never to say that taking what he took from the garage freezer yesterday, even though he picked the lock, wasn't stealing. He has no boundaries. I have to search his backpack. Every morning after he is off to school I search his room for stolen items. </p><p></p><p>And, I agree, when he wants something oh, how he can sure kiss butt...but I've told him repeatedly, that bridge was burned with me and that it is a waste of both our time to think he can manipulate me. If it were up to me he would get bread and water for every meal. he would have to sit and watch his siblings be rewarded for good behavior, but I know he would only act out against them, for their safety I don't do anything like that around him. I know he has the potential to be a Ted Bundy or Charles Manson but hold out hope that somehow, someway, something will get through. Him hating me or not is not my biggest worry. I have 3 other children who aren't tossing their lives in the toilet that still need guidance and the emotional connectivity that he refuses. I've even let the therapist know that it may be counter productive, but I will never show him any compassion until he has atoned for the transgressions he has made against this family, his peers, his school and everyone he comes into contact with. My oldest daughter (their step sister) was a druggie. It was the hardest thing to do but I had to shut her out of my life until she got help. It took years, but she is stable, off drugs, married and has 2 beautiful children and finally, we have the relationship I had hopped for. Even knowing what I went through with her and shutting her out of my life, that hasn't changed anything within in him...he cries that I don't like him or love him, more manipulation. He cries that favor the other children. I point blank told him when he quits blaming everyone else for the things he does and when he stops acting lie a criminal and a liar, I will have to pretend like he is not here in my life. I looked him in the eye and told him, if I can do that with my own flesh and blood, don't think for a second I wont do it for you. Just like a drug addict, he has to want to stop, but he doesn't want to.</p><p></p><p>Why do I want to take this on? that is the million $ question. I've been lectured by my mother that I owe these children nothing. What I have been through these last few years has been tantamount to torture. I love my husband and I signed up for this the minute I said I do. I really had no clue the extent of the damages, but I did what could with it.</p><p></p><p>I learned everything I could about autism. I enrolled our oldest in 4h and he blossomed out of his shell and not volunteers, shows animals, and won 19 awards at the fairs this past summer. He therapist said that I couldn't force an autistic boy into something like that....and I didn't. I gave him the opportunity to experience something by not pretending autistic children could never do it. I gave him the opportunity to be a person, not just an autistic person.</p><p></p><p>The twins, having always been the center of attention were a little tougher. When they realized they did not get favoritism, it was hard at first. Getting them stabilized was pretty hard. Once they learned the tantrums did not work, those eventually stopped. When we gained custody of them halfway through 2nd grade, they could not read. The boy twin has such a severe speech impediment that he can't write or spell because of his phonetic pronunciations. The girl twin sucked her thumb so severely we were looking at surgery to correct the damage before braces could even be an option. Bio fought tooth and nail about our having a crib appliance placed in her mouth to stop the thumb sucking. We tried thumb covers that were guaranteed to work and for a while did until the bio told her they were really only torture devices. Our orthodontist even wrote a letter to the court about the severity of the damage and the improvements of having braces on for less than a year.</p><p></p><p>People may think am a glutton for punishment but I was damned if I was going to take children who never had a loving or caring mother and abandon them again. I told my husband many times, if we were to divorce, I would still do everything I could to make sure that woman could never poison them again. They aren't dogs that can be put down because they don't do as they are trained to do. I may not have the ability to do it, but somewhere out there, someone does. </p><p></p><p>I am positive the stress of everything caused me to miscarry last October. At my age,you don't get many chances to keep trying. The loss of that child was very and still is very traumatic for me and I do tend to blame the children at times, but I also know, they never asked to be born to that monster. They never asked to be abused and I have to take the good with the bad and do the best I can...if that means we go from having 4 children to 3 and giving up our rights to our troubled boy, then we may have to do that. We can't give up on all 4 though. We wont be 100% successful with all of them, but we have to do everything we can to set them up for success any way we have or we set them up to fail.</p><p></p><p>And we've been down the road where he claims we beat him, CPS visits and all. With everything the police know and the CPS social workers know and the school and the therapist, they know we are dealing with a wolf crier. In fact, one day he was screaming he was going to call the police so I threw the phone to him and told him to do it. he wouldn't touch the phone so I dialed 911 and dropped it. he flew into a panic asking why I did that. But, since he was called out, after he hung up they called back and he continued with the the charade of we beat him, etc. Within 20 minutes a deputy was here and wanted to see the marks. At first he refused because he said he had on dirty underwear - it was at that point the deputy knew he was lying, because f we really did beat him he would have gladly shown the marks (that were never there). He was informed that we are allowed to spank but not leave marks. He tried to convince a teacher that we beat him, too...used that as an excuse to never serve a detention because if we found out, we would beat him.</p><p></p><p>No boundaries. He knew, he could have potentially had his father arrested for the false accusations, but he didn't care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Dun Haddit, post: 623519, member: 17823"] He steals food from his siblings. from the pantry, fridge, garage freezer, etc. Everything is now locked in our bedroom, padlock on the fridge and the freezer was kept locked. found out that he has been picking the lock on the freezer so now we bought an industrial strength adhesive hasp to lock that. Every day, hundreds of times a day, he walks past 2 different fruit bowls and wont touch it...it's almost as if he can't consume anything unless it was pilfered. I agree it's not if, but when he finally gets arrested for doing something, even if it's me who calls the police on his for more property damage...but the funny thing, so far 3 police visits and nothing gets a reaction from him. He had the never to say that taking what he took from the garage freezer yesterday, even though he picked the lock, wasn't stealing. He has no boundaries. I have to search his backpack. Every morning after he is off to school I search his room for stolen items. And, I agree, when he wants something oh, how he can sure kiss butt...but I've told him repeatedly, that bridge was burned with me and that it is a waste of both our time to think he can manipulate me. If it were up to me he would get bread and water for every meal. he would have to sit and watch his siblings be rewarded for good behavior, but I know he would only act out against them, for their safety I don't do anything like that around him. I know he has the potential to be a Ted Bundy or Charles Manson but hold out hope that somehow, someway, something will get through. Him hating me or not is not my biggest worry. I have 3 other children who aren't tossing their lives in the toilet that still need guidance and the emotional connectivity that he refuses. I've even let the therapist know that it may be counter productive, but I will never show him any compassion until he has atoned for the transgressions he has made against this family, his peers, his school and everyone he comes into contact with. My oldest daughter (their step sister) was a druggie. It was the hardest thing to do but I had to shut her out of my life until she got help. It took years, but she is stable, off drugs, married and has 2 beautiful children and finally, we have the relationship I had hopped for. Even knowing what I went through with her and shutting her out of my life, that hasn't changed anything within in him...he cries that I don't like him or love him, more manipulation. He cries that favor the other children. I point blank told him when he quits blaming everyone else for the things he does and when he stops acting lie a criminal and a liar, I will have to pretend like he is not here in my life. I looked him in the eye and told him, if I can do that with my own flesh and blood, don't think for a second I wont do it for you. Just like a drug addict, he has to want to stop, but he doesn't want to. Why do I want to take this on? that is the million $ question. I've been lectured by my mother that I owe these children nothing. What I have been through these last few years has been tantamount to torture. I love my husband and I signed up for this the minute I said I do. I really had no clue the extent of the damages, but I did what could with it. I learned everything I could about autism. I enrolled our oldest in 4h and he blossomed out of his shell and not volunteers, shows animals, and won 19 awards at the fairs this past summer. He therapist said that I couldn't force an autistic boy into something like that....and I didn't. I gave him the opportunity to experience something by not pretending autistic children could never do it. I gave him the opportunity to be a person, not just an autistic person. The twins, having always been the center of attention were a little tougher. When they realized they did not get favoritism, it was hard at first. Getting them stabilized was pretty hard. Once they learned the tantrums did not work, those eventually stopped. When we gained custody of them halfway through 2nd grade, they could not read. The boy twin has such a severe speech impediment that he can't write or spell because of his phonetic pronunciations. The girl twin sucked her thumb so severely we were looking at surgery to correct the damage before braces could even be an option. Bio fought tooth and nail about our having a crib appliance placed in her mouth to stop the thumb sucking. We tried thumb covers that were guaranteed to work and for a while did until the bio told her they were really only torture devices. Our orthodontist even wrote a letter to the court about the severity of the damage and the improvements of having braces on for less than a year. People may think am a glutton for punishment but I was damned if I was going to take children who never had a loving or caring mother and abandon them again. I told my husband many times, if we were to divorce, I would still do everything I could to make sure that woman could never poison them again. They aren't dogs that can be put down because they don't do as they are trained to do. I may not have the ability to do it, but somewhere out there, someone does. I am positive the stress of everything caused me to miscarry last October. At my age,you don't get many chances to keep trying. The loss of that child was very and still is very traumatic for me and I do tend to blame the children at times, but I also know, they never asked to be born to that monster. They never asked to be abused and I have to take the good with the bad and do the best I can...if that means we go from having 4 children to 3 and giving up our rights to our troubled boy, then we may have to do that. We can't give up on all 4 though. We wont be 100% successful with all of them, but we have to do everything we can to set them up for success any way we have or we set them up to fail. And we've been down the road where he claims we beat him, CPS visits and all. With everything the police know and the CPS social workers know and the school and the therapist, they know we are dealing with a wolf crier. In fact, one day he was screaming he was going to call the police so I threw the phone to him and told him to do it. he wouldn't touch the phone so I dialed 911 and dropped it. he flew into a panic asking why I did that. But, since he was called out, after he hung up they called back and he continued with the the charade of we beat him, etc. Within 20 minutes a deputy was here and wanted to see the marks. At first he refused because he said he had on dirty underwear - it was at that point the deputy knew he was lying, because f we really did beat him he would have gladly shown the marks (that were never there). He was informed that we are allowed to spank but not leave marks. He tried to convince a teacher that we beat him, too...used that as an excuse to never serve a detention because if we found out, we would beat him. No boundaries. He knew, he could have potentially had his father arrested for the false accusations, but he didn't care. [/QUOTE]
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