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Am I A Bad Dad?
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<blockquote data-quote="GStorm" data-source="post: 731165" data-attributes="member: 22414"><p>I do not judge you at all for having these feelings about a daughter who has done such horrible things. I think that is some of what continues to get us hooked, (it did for me), to think I had been a "Bad Mom" in some way. I am finding out that it starts with forgiveness of ourselves and to quit playing the "Blame Game" on ourselves. I know I have beat myself to hell and back about how my son turned out, (e.g. he chose not to go to college, he chose to stay (& still stay) in a job he is well overqualified for, etc.) I have tried so hard to compensate because my parents barely offered me a dime as I was growing up and attending school...and I was a good student and an obedient daughter!!! So, with my son RJ, I did not ever want him to feel shame about asking me for money &/or help, but that decision has really been to my detriment. The reason I say this is I wanted to protect my son and not have him go through the hurt I went through. What happened is, I took on more than I could, believed he was eventually going to straighten up and be responsible. He has been responsible on a lot of levels, but he has also deceived me and conned me....something I would have never done to my parents. I am learning that RJ is no longer my responsibility. He is 33 years old. I know your daughter is younger, but take in what I am saying and: #1. learn to not beat yourself up, #2, make yourself a priority, and #3. don't go on any guilt trips with or without your daughter. She is growing into her own person.</p><p></p><p>Take care of yourself. I am glad to see you on this website.</p><p>Keep coming back. There is a lot of good feedback & support.</p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="GStorm, post: 731165, member: 22414"] I do not judge you at all for having these feelings about a daughter who has done such horrible things. I think that is some of what continues to get us hooked, (it did for me), to think I had been a "Bad Mom" in some way. I am finding out that it starts with forgiveness of ourselves and to quit playing the "Blame Game" on ourselves. I know I have beat myself to hell and back about how my son turned out, (e.g. he chose not to go to college, he chose to stay (& still stay) in a job he is well overqualified for, etc.) I have tried so hard to compensate because my parents barely offered me a dime as I was growing up and attending school...and I was a good student and an obedient daughter!!! So, with my son RJ, I did not ever want him to feel shame about asking me for money &/or help, but that decision has really been to my detriment. The reason I say this is I wanted to protect my son and not have him go through the hurt I went through. What happened is, I took on more than I could, believed he was eventually going to straighten up and be responsible. He has been responsible on a lot of levels, but he has also deceived me and conned me....something I would have never done to my parents. I am learning that RJ is no longer my responsibility. He is 33 years old. I know your daughter is younger, but take in what I am saying and: #1. learn to not beat yourself up, #2, make yourself a priority, and #3. don't go on any guilt trips with or without your daughter. She is growing into her own person. Take care of yourself. I am glad to see you on this website. Keep coming back. There is a lot of good feedback & support. (((HUGS))) [/QUOTE]
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