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Am i being unreasonable?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 754063" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>Hi and welcome to the forum. I am up late so I saw this and I have only my opinion and experience to share. So, as they say in Al Anon, take what you like and leave the rest. But here is how I see it. And my heart pounded just reading your story. I am so sorry.</p><p></p><p>in my opinion you are way too involved with your ex daughter in law. I also have a grandson who is the child of my extremely difficult daughter yet I could not get anyone to care about her neglect of this child. But we kept trying and now he is no longer with her. It is a good thing for my grandson.</p><p></p><p>Your grandkids are not safe if your ex daughter in law is with a nut like this boyfriend. Does ex daughter in law take drugs? Ever been in jail? Is she capable of caring for six kids? Are they safe with her and this new guy?</p><p></p><p>Perhaps you have been around your troubled son and daughter in law for so many years that you have become desensitized to what is appropriate and what is a threat to you and those you love. I know it is possible to be around crazy for so long that crazy seems like no big deal.</p><p></p><p>That you had the guts to answer angrily to a dangerous sounding man like this boyfriend makes me wonder if you are used to that kind of talk. I think many of us would have been scared or terrified, not angry.</p><p></p><p>I can only speak for me. I would have been terrified. I would never have spoken back to his crazy dangerous threats. I would have done the best I could to get into my car alone and called the police. I would have been afraid for myself and my grandchildren. Period. No way would I ever had taken him on or not called the police. Not a chance. Maybe I would have given daughter in law cash for an Uber but I would not want either driving with me</p><p></p><p>Does this man know where you live? Do you have alarms on your house? I would not deal with him nor her while he is with her. No way.</p><p></p><p>But I also would not have supported a grown woman, not related to me. No rides. No money. She has to be 30 plus. Does she work? Is she an adult in mind? I don't know all the X factors but there is a good chance, if I was in my 50s still, that I would call Protective services and, if appropriate, try for custody. Or get a younger relative to maybe do this. Or, as the last resort, try to get the grands into foster care.</p><p></p><p>The kids must be having issues. This is not healthy. It's scary. A child mom and a crazy boyfriend who may or may not hit them and/or belittle them. He may carry out his threats to you too.</p><p></p><p>I am not sure of the best answer for your situation. From what I know it seems as if this guy is a nut and the woman is not competent to be a functional mother to so many kids. I know I would have called the police and also long ago stopped supporting the mother. You can't live forever. This woman is not needing to learn to be responsible.....yet she is still having babies.</p><p></p><p>She is dangerous too, having kids she can not support or care for. Crazy. Bringing nutty men into the lives of your grands. Her first priority is not her babies.</p><p></p><p>Is your son in a better place now so HE can go for custody?</p><p></p><p>If God is in your life, lean on Him. If drugs are in a loved ones life I urge you to go to Nar Anon or Al Anon. I go to both. I also recommend a therapist to help you decide what is healthy for you.This can't be healthy.Not for you, your ex daughter in law or the kids. in my opinion everything needs more sanity.</p><p></p><p> This situationn is horrible. daughter in law can use more Protective Services in her life and you need to take a break and not be so involved with her craziness. Let the professionals, who have the power to force changes that may help the kids, do so. You have no such authority and the kids need protection. From boyfriend AND daughter in law.</p><p></p><p>This to me is not about this one scary incident.</p><p></p><p>It is about the entire crazy situation. All of it. Boy friend. daughter in law. Son. Grandkids. Your role....</p><p></p><p> Do YOU have a support system? Family? Friends? A church community? Anyone.</p><p></p><p>You can not save your ex daughter in law. She is on a dangerous path. I would focus on the children and let daughter in law learn the hard way. When you are gone nobody will keep rescuing her. She needs to stand alone and learn to grow up. Jmo.</p><p></p><p>I hope you take care of yourself and concentrate on that. Let professionals deal with the other players. You can not save anyone. We all can only save one person....us.</p><p></p><p>I would call the police and protective services. I have tried and, as bad as my grandson's situation was before we got him out of his house, your grandkids sound as if the parental figures are even worse than my daughter and her useless husband.</p><p></p><p>Do not try to be Wonder Woman. We cant. Yes, I tried to do it myself too. I failed. You will also see that you can not change anything in that story except yourself.</p><p></p><p>I hope you choose the police and staying away from both boyfriend and daughter in law at least while she is with him. Pity that she will be having his child.</p><p>.</p><p>I will pray for you and hold out my hand for you to grab. All of us are here to support you and give you our best advice that we share from our hearts.</p><p></p><p>I have a book for you... "Codependent No More" by Melody Beatty. It's great.</p><p></p><p>Many hugs and hope. Others will come along.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 754063, member: 23706"] Hi and welcome to the forum. I am up late so I saw this and I have only my opinion and experience to share. So, as they say in Al Anon, take what you like and leave the rest. But here is how I see it. And my heart pounded just reading your story. I am so sorry. in my opinion you are way too involved with your ex daughter in law. I also have a grandson who is the child of my extremely difficult daughter yet I could not get anyone to care about her neglect of this child. But we kept trying and now he is no longer with her. It is a good thing for my grandson. Your grandkids are not safe if your ex daughter in law is with a nut like this boyfriend. Does ex daughter in law take drugs? Ever been in jail? Is she capable of caring for six kids? Are they safe with her and this new guy? Perhaps you have been around your troubled son and daughter in law for so many years that you have become desensitized to what is appropriate and what is a threat to you and those you love. I know it is possible to be around crazy for so long that crazy seems like no big deal. That you had the guts to answer angrily to a dangerous sounding man like this boyfriend makes me wonder if you are used to that kind of talk. I think many of us would have been scared or terrified, not angry. I can only speak for me. I would have been terrified. I would never have spoken back to his crazy dangerous threats. I would have done the best I could to get into my car alone and called the police. I would have been afraid for myself and my grandchildren. Period. No way would I ever had taken him on or not called the police. Not a chance. Maybe I would have given daughter in law cash for an Uber but I would not want either driving with me Does this man know where you live? Do you have alarms on your house? I would not deal with him nor her while he is with her. No way. But I also would not have supported a grown woman, not related to me. No rides. No money. She has to be 30 plus. Does she work? Is she an adult in mind? I don't know all the X factors but there is a good chance, if I was in my 50s still, that I would call Protective services and, if appropriate, try for custody. Or get a younger relative to maybe do this. Or, as the last resort, try to get the grands into foster care. The kids must be having issues. This is not healthy. It's scary. A child mom and a crazy boyfriend who may or may not hit them and/or belittle them. He may carry out his threats to you too. I am not sure of the best answer for your situation. From what I know it seems as if this guy is a nut and the woman is not competent to be a functional mother to so many kids. I know I would have called the police and also long ago stopped supporting the mother. You can't live forever. This woman is not needing to learn to be responsible.....yet she is still having babies. She is dangerous too, having kids she can not support or care for. Crazy. Bringing nutty men into the lives of your grands. Her first priority is not her babies. Is your son in a better place now so HE can go for custody? If God is in your life, lean on Him. If drugs are in a loved ones life I urge you to go to Nar Anon or Al Anon. I go to both. I also recommend a therapist to help you decide what is healthy for you.This can't be healthy.Not for you, your ex daughter in law or the kids. in my opinion everything needs more sanity. This situationn is horrible. daughter in law can use more Protective Services in her life and you need to take a break and not be so involved with her craziness. Let the professionals, who have the power to force changes that may help the kids, do so. You have no such authority and the kids need protection. From boyfriend AND daughter in law. This to me is not about this one scary incident. It is about the entire crazy situation. All of it. Boy friend. daughter in law. Son. Grandkids. Your role.... Do YOU have a support system? Family? Friends? A church community? Anyone. You can not save your ex daughter in law. She is on a dangerous path. I would focus on the children and let daughter in law learn the hard way. When you are gone nobody will keep rescuing her. She needs to stand alone and learn to grow up. Jmo. I hope you take care of yourself and concentrate on that. Let professionals deal with the other players. You can not save anyone. We all can only save one person....us. I would call the police and protective services. I have tried and, as bad as my grandson's situation was before we got him out of his house, your grandkids sound as if the parental figures are even worse than my daughter and her useless husband. Do not try to be Wonder Woman. We cant. Yes, I tried to do it myself too. I failed. You will also see that you can not change anything in that story except yourself. I hope you choose the police and staying away from both boyfriend and daughter in law at least while she is with him. Pity that she will be having his child. . I will pray for you and hold out my hand for you to grab. All of us are here to support you and give you our best advice that we share from our hearts. I have a book for you... "Codependent No More" by Melody Beatty. It's great. Many hugs and hope. Others will come along. [/QUOTE]
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