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Am i being unreasonable?
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 754097" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Skittles,</p><p>I am sorry for your troubles with ex daughter in-law and her new boyfriend. The exchange definitely sends up red flags and I believe you did the right thing alerting the proper authorities.</p><p>The boyfriends behaviors are very concerning. If he acts out in public this way, one can only imagine how he may be in private. Abusive men often isolate their victims, intimidating those who are close so as to have more control.</p><p>I am sorry for the pain of this. Hubs and I spent many years trying to help our daughter leave her abusive boyfriend who fathered three grands. They were in the system when young, but slipped between the cracks when their parents complied and went to required classes. End result is three very wounded, traumatized teens. CPS main goal is to try and help parents and reunify families. On paper and in theory, it is understandable, because children long to be with their parents. The question is if that is feasible or safe.</p><p>With your alerting authorities to boyfriends threats, that puts the ball in their court to investigate. I would keep record of all you do and see, I wish I had thought about that years past. If you continue to be involved, keep a close eye on your grands behaviors, that is often a telltale sign. A caveat to that is if there is abuse going on in the home there is often a veil of secrecy.</p><p>You have already mentioned that you are unable to take care of your grands. If they are removed, the process is to look for kin who would be able to take them in, on mother and fathers side. That may or may not be an issue.</p><p> I agree with Apple that an alternative to you being the main transport needs to be worked on. While it has been an extreme kindness on your part, it seems that you are being taken for granted. It doesn’t mean you have no contact with your grands, perhaps weekend visits?</p><p>I am sorry for the pain of this. Our grands did not ask to be born into an unstable home. It is hard to see them struggle. You did the right thing letting the lawyer and aid worker know what happened. Make sure you keep record of that. I wish I had, the many times I called CPS. Caseworkers are notoriously overloaded. They will find ways to manage issues (like you transporting your daughter in-law) that make it easier for them, but can be taxing on family members. But, this also is a way to have someone who cares keep an eye out for the children. In my opinion, your email and call is not only advocating for yourself, but also for your grandchildren.</p><p>Take care, and God bless you for helping your grandchildren.</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 754097, member: 19522"] Hi Skittles, I am sorry for your troubles with ex daughter in-law and her new boyfriend. The exchange definitely sends up red flags and I believe you did the right thing alerting the proper authorities. The boyfriends behaviors are very concerning. If he acts out in public this way, one can only imagine how he may be in private. Abusive men often isolate their victims, intimidating those who are close so as to have more control. I am sorry for the pain of this. Hubs and I spent many years trying to help our daughter leave her abusive boyfriend who fathered three grands. They were in the system when young, but slipped between the cracks when their parents complied and went to required classes. End result is three very wounded, traumatized teens. CPS main goal is to try and help parents and reunify families. On paper and in theory, it is understandable, because children long to be with their parents. The question is if that is feasible or safe. With your alerting authorities to boyfriends threats, that puts the ball in their court to investigate. I would keep record of all you do and see, I wish I had thought about that years past. If you continue to be involved, keep a close eye on your grands behaviors, that is often a telltale sign. A caveat to that is if there is abuse going on in the home there is often a veil of secrecy. You have already mentioned that you are unable to take care of your grands. If they are removed, the process is to look for kin who would be able to take them in, on mother and fathers side. That may or may not be an issue. I agree with Apple that an alternative to you being the main transport needs to be worked on. While it has been an extreme kindness on your part, it seems that you are being taken for granted. It doesn’t mean you have no contact with your grands, perhaps weekend visits? I am sorry for the pain of this. Our grands did not ask to be born into an unstable home. It is hard to see them struggle. You did the right thing letting the lawyer and aid worker know what happened. Make sure you keep record of that. I wish I had, the many times I called CPS. Caseworkers are notoriously overloaded. They will find ways to manage issues (like you transporting your daughter in-law) that make it easier for them, but can be taxing on family members. But, this also is a way to have someone who cares keep an eye out for the children. In my opinion, your email and call is not only advocating for yourself, but also for your grandchildren. Take care, and God bless you for helping your grandchildren. Leafy [/QUOTE]
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