Well Sherril, that is a tough one. I do wish I had a magic answer for you. I am so sorry your son has put you in this situation.
I can offer from my own experience. My son had numerous run ins with the law. In and out of jail and prison. I never paid for an attorney for him. He always had a public defender. When my son first started getting in trouble with the law he always had an excuse that it wasn't his fault, not his idea, he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Those excuses wore thin after a while. As I said, my husband and I never paid for an attorney however, we paid tens of thousands of dollars on therapy and counselors trying to get our son help, trying to get him to see how his choices and behavior were causing nothing but chaos and trouble in his life and ours. I wish I could say all the money was well spent but it wasn't. I have nothing to show for it. Even after all the money we spent on counselors, we continued to spend more money to try and help him and our savings took a hit. All that money is gone and it did no good.
There was a time a few years ago when my husband had some health issues and had to quit work. We really struggled financially. I truly resented my son and all the money we had spent trying to help him because it did no good and left us strapped.
I am reminded of one of your earlier posts:
I would be more inclined to say yes, pay the money for the attorney if he was truly showing remorse instead of having a pity party and showing no concern for your health.
My concern is for your health, mental and physical, and your overall well being.
I know how hard this is for you. It's a tough decision to have to make but I hope you will really think it through. There is no guarantee that you paying for a lawyer will cause him to change his behavior. It will however, send a message to him that he can continue to manipulate you and you will continue to bail him out.
Even if he suddenly were to start saying how sorry he is, that he will pay you back, crying, etc....... can you really trust him.
I would hate to see you wipe out your savings. What if something happens and you need that money??
Is it fair to your daughter that still lives at home, you working all that overtime?
There is no right or wrong answer. You have to do what you can live with. Hang in there!!!
There is much truth in this statement.
