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am I doing the right thing.....
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 436913" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>OMG, Marg! This may be the very, very, very, very first time I ever disagree with you (I'm sorry, but I do!).</p><p></p><p>First of all, even if an adult is treating him this way, and we don't know if this is happening, he should not be acting this way. Period. Find out what is going on and deal with it, if it's happening, but don't excuse the child or he may think it's ok or get a victim attitude: "I can act this way because it happened to me! So ********** you."</p><p></p><p>Even if my autistic son had behaved this way at ten, and he certainly had issues, he simply would have been punished for it. He started out a child who tantrummed, hit, bit me, spit in my face and tantrummed in restaurants and malls. Picture this while he writhes on the floor and I try to lift him (and he is an African-American adopted little boy while I am white...people probably thought I was kidnapping him)..."Help! Help! Help! No! Help, sombody! DON'T HURT ME!" And here I am just trying to pick him up so that I can calm him. I never ever even spanked this child.</p><p></p><p> Yes, he was THAT hard to handle. I'm surprised that nobody ever called social services on us, but there were less cell phones back then.</p><p></p><p>I knew I needed to do the best I could to make Sonic's behavior somewhat acceptable. By age five he was calming down, but he still had his tantrums and namecalling moments when he wasn't so nice. Every single time he did some inappropriate, he was put into time out and his activities (mostly his beloved videogames) were taken away and hidden so he couldn't sneak and get them. In time, he became quite appropriate. He didn't like losing his privledges AT ALL and that enticed him to behave in a socially acceptable manner. </p><p></p><p>I don't believe it is ever a good idea to allow any child to abuse us or anyone else. No matter what is wrong with the child, he can often be taught to be more acceptable. While Sonic sometimes acted clueless, he never said hurtful things, but my oldest child did (see below). He learned fast that he either stopped the abusive language or his fun came to an end. I think ESPECIALLY children with disorders need to start very early on appropriate behavior or they will be ostracized in school, in the community, and, later, they will have a hard time holding a job. Does it work for all kids? No, but it's better in my opinion than trying to rationalize with a child who has just pretty much said, "I don't care about you."</p><p></p><p>As for the socks, even if he has sensory issues (like Sonic does) he can at least attempt to put his own socks on at ten. He can get help, but our kids often develop a sense of helplessless and "do it for me, Mom" because things come harder for them and we feel bad so we don't make them try. I think that's the wrong way to go. Sonic, with his autism, was doing his own clothes, doing the dishes every fourth day, and taking care of his own room by ten. He was taught how to go shopping at school so he can shop himself too. </p><p></p><p>So I guess we differ on this. But, at the same time, I also agree a diagnosis is needed. But even if the diagnosis is ADHD, Aspergers or bipolar, in my opinion it's never a good idea to let bad behavior go without a consequence. And in my opinion this was over-the-top verbal abuse. If he talks this way to you, imagine how he will be talking to other people when he is fourteen. And if he always gets his way because he is difficult, he could start to just do what he wants to do...at any rate, he needs help and the family could use counseling on how to deal with his anger. JMO <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 436913, member: 1550"] OMG, Marg! This may be the very, very, very, very first time I ever disagree with you (I'm sorry, but I do!). First of all, even if an adult is treating him this way, and we don't know if this is happening, he should not be acting this way. Period. Find out what is going on and deal with it, if it's happening, but don't excuse the child or he may think it's ok or get a victim attitude: "I can act this way because it happened to me! So ********** you." Even if my autistic son had behaved this way at ten, and he certainly had issues, he simply would have been punished for it. He started out a child who tantrummed, hit, bit me, spit in my face and tantrummed in restaurants and malls. Picture this while he writhes on the floor and I try to lift him (and he is an African-American adopted little boy while I am white...people probably thought I was kidnapping him)..."Help! Help! Help! No! Help, sombody! DON'T HURT ME!" And here I am just trying to pick him up so that I can calm him. I never ever even spanked this child. Yes, he was THAT hard to handle. I'm surprised that nobody ever called social services on us, but there were less cell phones back then. I knew I needed to do the best I could to make Sonic's behavior somewhat acceptable. By age five he was calming down, but he still had his tantrums and namecalling moments when he wasn't so nice. Every single time he did some inappropriate, he was put into time out and his activities (mostly his beloved videogames) were taken away and hidden so he couldn't sneak and get them. In time, he became quite appropriate. He didn't like losing his privledges AT ALL and that enticed him to behave in a socially acceptable manner. I don't believe it is ever a good idea to allow any child to abuse us or anyone else. No matter what is wrong with the child, he can often be taught to be more acceptable. While Sonic sometimes acted clueless, he never said hurtful things, but my oldest child did (see below). He learned fast that he either stopped the abusive language or his fun came to an end. I think ESPECIALLY children with disorders need to start very early on appropriate behavior or they will be ostracized in school, in the community, and, later, they will have a hard time holding a job. Does it work for all kids? No, but it's better in my opinion than trying to rationalize with a child who has just pretty much said, "I don't care about you." As for the socks, even if he has sensory issues (like Sonic does) he can at least attempt to put his own socks on at ten. He can get help, but our kids often develop a sense of helplessless and "do it for me, Mom" because things come harder for them and we feel bad so we don't make them try. I think that's the wrong way to go. Sonic, with his autism, was doing his own clothes, doing the dishes every fourth day, and taking care of his own room by ten. He was taught how to go shopping at school so he can shop himself too. So I guess we differ on this. But, at the same time, I also agree a diagnosis is needed. But even if the diagnosis is ADHD, Aspergers or bipolar, in my opinion it's never a good idea to let bad behavior go without a consequence. And in my opinion this was over-the-top verbal abuse. If he talks this way to you, imagine how he will be talking to other people when he is fourteen. And if he always gets his way because he is difficult, he could start to just do what he wants to do...at any rate, he needs help and the family could use counseling on how to deal with his anger. JMO :) [/QUOTE]
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