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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 704472" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Some of us have found it helps to write short sentences to help us say no and post them near the phone. THings like:</p><p>I can't do that.</p><p>I am sure you will figure that out.</p><p>That sounds like a challenge.</p><p>Wow, what will you do?</p><p>I don't think I would enjoy that. (This is a phrase one of my aunts uses that is just about perfect - it is very hard for someone to argue that you would enjoy something, especially giving them your hard earned $$, lol! I have used it many times and it often just leaves difficult people just speechless because they don't know how to react to it. Your enjoyment simply isn't something that ever occurred to them to think about.)</p><p></p><p>The other thing to remember is something my mother told me when I was a young mom getting pressured into doing things. In my mother's words, "'No' is a complete sentence" What she meant is that you can say it and then NOT justify it. By just saying no and then not giving a reason, you then give the other person no way to try to talk you into doing what they want. You don't leave yourself open to their argument or persuasion.</p><p></p><p>You don't even have to do this. You can just not take all of his calls. Reduce the number of his calls that you take. Tell him that you cannot afford to pay for the calls. You love him but you must contact him in writing instead. This way he cannot badger you, you can read his letters when you are feeling strong and when you are not feeling strong you can ignore his letters. If his letters are abusive or manipulative, you can simply stop reading them. Or during phone calls if he gets abusive or manipulative, simply hang up on him. It really IS okay to do this if he is not treating you with the respect that a good son would show his mother. Not just that your son usually shows you, but that a good son would show his loving mother. Because you ARE a loving mother, and you should be treated with that level of respect!</p><p></p><p>(((((hugs)))))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 704472, member: 1233"] Some of us have found it helps to write short sentences to help us say no and post them near the phone. THings like: I can't do that. I am sure you will figure that out. That sounds like a challenge. Wow, what will you do? I don't think I would enjoy that. (This is a phrase one of my aunts uses that is just about perfect - it is very hard for someone to argue that you would enjoy something, especially giving them your hard earned $$, lol! I have used it many times and it often just leaves difficult people just speechless because they don't know how to react to it. Your enjoyment simply isn't something that ever occurred to them to think about.) The other thing to remember is something my mother told me when I was a young mom getting pressured into doing things. In my mother's words, "'No' is a complete sentence" What she meant is that you can say it and then NOT justify it. By just saying no and then not giving a reason, you then give the other person no way to try to talk you into doing what they want. You don't leave yourself open to their argument or persuasion. You don't even have to do this. You can just not take all of his calls. Reduce the number of his calls that you take. Tell him that you cannot afford to pay for the calls. You love him but you must contact him in writing instead. This way he cannot badger you, you can read his letters when you are feeling strong and when you are not feeling strong you can ignore his letters. If his letters are abusive or manipulative, you can simply stop reading them. Or during phone calls if he gets abusive or manipulative, simply hang up on him. It really IS okay to do this if he is not treating you with the respect that a good son would show his mother. Not just that your son usually shows you, but that a good son would show his loving mother. Because you ARE a loving mother, and you should be treated with that level of respect! (((((hugs))))) [/QUOTE]
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