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Am I enabling??
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 704489" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Okiegirl, I again urge you to go to alanon meetings. This will give you some in person support to cope with this. One thing that occurred to me is that maybe before you send money to your son, you go to an alanon meeting. You talk to your son, you go to a meeting, you talk to your husband, and THEN, if you still feel you need to send a certain amount of money, you send the money.</p><p></p><p>One thing I think your son does is to get your emotions all riled up and get you to send the money as soon as possible. You send the money without getting any outside input regarding what he said to you and whether or not there is any reason for him to actually need the things he claims to need. </p><p>If the only opinion that you hear is your son's, the only 'facts' are the ones he presents, then you are only going to see his side of things. You deserve the time to think, to see your side of things, to hear your husband's side of things, and to see what others who are in similar situations with addicted children might think. Also come here and ask what we think of his attempts to extort you.</p><p></p><p>When you go to alanon, don't just go to one meeting and expect to have it fit just right. Most areas have more than one meeting, at different times and places. Experiment with going to different times and places until you find a meeting where you are comfortable. It may take several meetings to get acquainted with people, but I think it will be worth it. I use the word alanon, but I mean alanon, narcanon, and even the family meetings for Celebrate Recovery if they have them and a more religious meeting is more comfortable for you. </p><p></p><p>Please know these are only ideas. Use the ones that are helpful and ignore the ones that are not. I know that some won't be helpful and I won't be offended or upset or anything if none of these ideas work for you. </p><p></p><p>(((((hugs))))))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 704489, member: 1233"] Okiegirl, I again urge you to go to alanon meetings. This will give you some in person support to cope with this. One thing that occurred to me is that maybe before you send money to your son, you go to an alanon meeting. You talk to your son, you go to a meeting, you talk to your husband, and THEN, if you still feel you need to send a certain amount of money, you send the money. One thing I think your son does is to get your emotions all riled up and get you to send the money as soon as possible. You send the money without getting any outside input regarding what he said to you and whether or not there is any reason for him to actually need the things he claims to need. If the only opinion that you hear is your son's, the only 'facts' are the ones he presents, then you are only going to see his side of things. You deserve the time to think, to see your side of things, to hear your husband's side of things, and to see what others who are in similar situations with addicted children might think. Also come here and ask what we think of his attempts to extort you. When you go to alanon, don't just go to one meeting and expect to have it fit just right. Most areas have more than one meeting, at different times and places. Experiment with going to different times and places until you find a meeting where you are comfortable. It may take several meetings to get acquainted with people, but I think it will be worth it. I use the word alanon, but I mean alanon, narcanon, and even the family meetings for Celebrate Recovery if they have them and a more religious meeting is more comfortable for you. Please know these are only ideas. Use the ones that are helpful and ignore the ones that are not. I know that some won't be helpful and I won't be offended or upset or anything if none of these ideas work for you. (((((hugs)))))) [/QUOTE]
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