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Am I enabling??
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<blockquote data-quote="nlj" data-source="post: 704502" data-attributes="member: 17650"><p>Susiestar's and Echo's suggestion to wait before giving an answer is excellent advice and one of the most helpful bits of advice that I followed when my son was in his blackest period and calling or texting about yet another 'crisis' at regular intervals. I also adopted a mantra of 'thinking twice before saying nothing' which worked really well for me and my son. I would literally say nothing, or just 'mmmm' when he phoned with details of yet another disaster. He would get frustrated with that, and would then fill in the empty space with more and more information and hysteria about whatever 'crisis' was happening and get himself in knots with a load of contradictory facts. I would then say 'that sounds tough' in a caring way and I'd tell him that I'd think about everything he'd said and respond to it the next time he phoned. 9 times out of 10, when he next phoned, he'd forgotten the previous call and what he'd said, and the disaster that was apparently happening and the cash that he apparently needed urgently. He'd got through the crisis without my input somehow, if there ever was a real crisis. Haha.</p><p></p><p>By the way ... my son is now still bonkers, but he's happy and travelling around Europe and living outside society in a way that doesn't negatively impact on anyone else. We have a positive relationship. He's independent and never asks me for anything. I love him a lot. He's by far the most interesting of all my children.</p><p></p><p>Stay strong, follow all the great advice on this site, and hope for a more positive future. One thing is sure - enabling will definitely not lead to a more positive future.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="nlj, post: 704502, member: 17650"] Susiestar's and Echo's suggestion to wait before giving an answer is excellent advice and one of the most helpful bits of advice that I followed when my son was in his blackest period and calling or texting about yet another 'crisis' at regular intervals. I also adopted a mantra of 'thinking twice before saying nothing' which worked really well for me and my son. I would literally say nothing, or just 'mmmm' when he phoned with details of yet another disaster. He would get frustrated with that, and would then fill in the empty space with more and more information and hysteria about whatever 'crisis' was happening and get himself in knots with a load of contradictory facts. I would then say 'that sounds tough' in a caring way and I'd tell him that I'd think about everything he'd said and respond to it the next time he phoned. 9 times out of 10, when he next phoned, he'd forgotten the previous call and what he'd said, and the disaster that was apparently happening and the cash that he apparently needed urgently. He'd got through the crisis without my input somehow, if there ever was a real crisis. Haha. By the way ... my son is now still bonkers, but he's happy and travelling around Europe and living outside society in a way that doesn't negatively impact on anyone else. We have a positive relationship. He's independent and never asks me for anything. I love him a lot. He's by far the most interesting of all my children. Stay strong, follow all the great advice on this site, and hope for a more positive future. One thing is sure - enabling will definitely not lead to a more positive future. [/QUOTE]
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