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Am I "giving in"?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 366389" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Keeping your difficult child out of the high stress situations is exactly what you SHOULD do. It is not giving in, babying, spoiling or any other ridiculous thing like that. If your son couldn't read you wouldn't make him keep stare at books would you? If he was diabetic you wouldn't insist he spend time making candy. If he cannot handle certain kinds of sensory input you keep him out of situations where he would be bombarded with it. </p><p></p><p>To a person with sensory problems the high stimulation situations can seem like they are being attacked by the various sensations. I have quite a few sensory problems and if I am tired or stressed being in a mall is like being attacked. I become unable to separate the various sounds - often the music played seems almost louder than someone standing next to me speaking to me. The smells combine and are overwhelming - esp in front of stores that use a lot of potpourri and other scents. I can only handle malls for a short time simply because there is just too much going on. So when my kids had problems with the mall it seemed normal to me and we don't go there often.</p><p></p><p>My youngest has the worst sensory problems of all of my kids. He could NOT handle church services for many years. He liked them but they were just too loud. He could only handle a couple of rows in the church for a short time. Those rows were underneath the choir loft and the music wasn't quite as loud or booming there. He would usually have to leave at Communion if not earlier. Thankfully our church is very laid back and kid friendly. There have been many times he went into one of the meeting rooms to read instead of going to the service. No one minded but he is NOT a difficult child. </p><p></p><p>The only way your son will eventually be able to handle more things is to let his body and brain mature. There are therapies that can help and sometimes the improvement can be very dramatic. If you force your difficult child into high stress situations he will not learn to use the therapy and he will be very disruptive. NOT out of a desire to cause trouble but because he truly cannot cope. </p><p></p><p>Most situations can be toned down. Birthdays do not have to have big parties with every friend he has. Guidelines for parties for kids often recommend one guest for each year of age, so a five year old would have five other kids at the party. Your son will likely need fewer than that. Try doing something special with one or two other children instead. Presents do not have to be opened all at once on Christmas. One of my cousins used to take a couple of days to open his presents when he was a toddler. The boy is an undiagnosed Aspie with almost every classic symptom except parents who understand. Every single toy had to be unwrapped, examined, opened, and then introduced to every single other toy he had. Then he had to play with them together for a little while before opening another one. If he had to open more than one, or someone helped him open something he wasn't ready to open he fell apart.</p><p></p><p>Use your difficult children meltdowns as a guide to what he can and cannot handle. We used to eat out fairly often. When we went somewhere like McDonalds my kids were usually okay if they could go into the play area for a few minutes after eating. If we went to someplace like Olive Garden my difficult child did not do very well unless we brought quite a few things for him to do. Even then Wiz couldn't handle it well, especially the food. We noticed when we went to a certain all you can eat restaurant that the kids not only all behaved well, they also ate a healthy variety of foods. I still do not know why that one specific restaurant chain got those results when almost nowhere else did. But we took advantage of it. </p><p></p><p>There is a book called <em>What Your Explosive Child is Trying to Tell You</em> by Dr. Doug Riley. It might help you figure out more ways to accommodate your son's special needs and to understand him. either way, follow your instincts and limit his exposure to high stress situations.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 366389, member: 1233"] Keeping your difficult child out of the high stress situations is exactly what you SHOULD do. It is not giving in, babying, spoiling or any other ridiculous thing like that. If your son couldn't read you wouldn't make him keep stare at books would you? If he was diabetic you wouldn't insist he spend time making candy. If he cannot handle certain kinds of sensory input you keep him out of situations where he would be bombarded with it. To a person with sensory problems the high stimulation situations can seem like they are being attacked by the various sensations. I have quite a few sensory problems and if I am tired or stressed being in a mall is like being attacked. I become unable to separate the various sounds - often the music played seems almost louder than someone standing next to me speaking to me. The smells combine and are overwhelming - esp in front of stores that use a lot of potpourri and other scents. I can only handle malls for a short time simply because there is just too much going on. So when my kids had problems with the mall it seemed normal to me and we don't go there often. My youngest has the worst sensory problems of all of my kids. He could NOT handle church services for many years. He liked them but they were just too loud. He could only handle a couple of rows in the church for a short time. Those rows were underneath the choir loft and the music wasn't quite as loud or booming there. He would usually have to leave at Communion if not earlier. Thankfully our church is very laid back and kid friendly. There have been many times he went into one of the meeting rooms to read instead of going to the service. No one minded but he is NOT a difficult child. The only way your son will eventually be able to handle more things is to let his body and brain mature. There are therapies that can help and sometimes the improvement can be very dramatic. If you force your difficult child into high stress situations he will not learn to use the therapy and he will be very disruptive. NOT out of a desire to cause trouble but because he truly cannot cope. Most situations can be toned down. Birthdays do not have to have big parties with every friend he has. Guidelines for parties for kids often recommend one guest for each year of age, so a five year old would have five other kids at the party. Your son will likely need fewer than that. Try doing something special with one or two other children instead. Presents do not have to be opened all at once on Christmas. One of my cousins used to take a couple of days to open his presents when he was a toddler. The boy is an undiagnosed Aspie with almost every classic symptom except parents who understand. Every single toy had to be unwrapped, examined, opened, and then introduced to every single other toy he had. Then he had to play with them together for a little while before opening another one. If he had to open more than one, or someone helped him open something he wasn't ready to open he fell apart. Use your difficult children meltdowns as a guide to what he can and cannot handle. We used to eat out fairly often. When we went somewhere like McDonalds my kids were usually okay if they could go into the play area for a few minutes after eating. If we went to someplace like Olive Garden my difficult child did not do very well unless we brought quite a few things for him to do. Even then Wiz couldn't handle it well, especially the food. We noticed when we went to a certain all you can eat restaurant that the kids not only all behaved well, they also ate a healthy variety of foods. I still do not know why that one specific restaurant chain got those results when almost nowhere else did. But we took advantage of it. There is a book called [I]What Your Explosive Child is Trying to Tell You[/I] by Dr. Doug Riley. It might help you figure out more ways to accommodate your son's special needs and to understand him. either way, follow your instincts and limit his exposure to high stress situations. [/QUOTE]
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