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Am I hitching a free ride?
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 649151" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Enabling is for us. It's not for them. Enabling allows us to feel better, comparatively speaking. </p><p></p><p>And in time, we do learn how to help them. We learn that the way to help them is to stop helping them.</p><p></p><p>And then, the pain is shifted back to us. </p><p></p><p>The transition (years) from enabling to not enabling (a lifetime's work) is extremely painful to bear.</p><p></p><p>That's why people don't do it. That's why I fall off the wagon. And when I'm HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired), I almost always fall off the wagon.</p><p></p><p>In time, as we hear that by taking care of ourselves, we ultimately can let other people go, we start to understand a little bit what that means. </p><p></p><p>It's a full time job, leaving us no time for the part time jobs of being in other people's business.</p><p></p><p>This road is a very confusing one because it goes against so many things we have come to believe. And if you're like me, you believe your situation is different, and if you can just come up with the right combination of words and actions, the tide will turn. And then, after 10 years of doing the same thing over and over and getting the same result, even the slow learners start to learn.</p><p></p><p>Hard stuff, this stuff is.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 649151, member: 17542"] Enabling is for us. It's not for them. Enabling allows us to feel better, comparatively speaking. And in time, we do learn how to help them. We learn that the way to help them is to stop helping them. And then, the pain is shifted back to us. The transition (years) from enabling to not enabling (a lifetime's work) is extremely painful to bear. That's why people don't do it. That's why I fall off the wagon. And when I'm HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired), I almost always fall off the wagon. In time, as we hear that by taking care of ourselves, we ultimately can let other people go, we start to understand a little bit what that means. It's a full time job, leaving us no time for the part time jobs of being in other people's business. This road is a very confusing one because it goes against so many things we have come to believe. And if you're like me, you believe your situation is different, and if you can just come up with the right combination of words and actions, the tide will turn. And then, after 10 years of doing the same thing over and over and getting the same result, even the slow learners start to learn. Hard stuff, this stuff is. [/QUOTE]
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