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Substance Abuse
Am I really strong enough?
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 565934" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>LMS, first of all, many gentle HUGS for you..........I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. I'm sorry husband is not standing with you, but good for you for going forward with the agreement/contract. Perhaps you might include something which outlines that he has to pick up after himself and keep your home neat. And, if he hasn't been in the past, that respect and consideration for you and husband, your home and your rules is of utmost importance. </p><p></p><p>Keep yourself very well supported. It's so easy to fall into old behavior with our difficult child's. My therapist told me it's like a FOG we get enveloped in and then start acting in the old ways before we are even aware of it. Once in the FOG, our clarity disappears and we go on automatic behavior. For me, it helped so much to keep myself continually in environments of support where I could relate events and get support to change MY behavior so that ultimately my difficult child had to change her behavior. When you change, those around you must change too. I became unwilling to tolerate certain behaviors and those behaviors disappeared. You're a gentle, compassionate and giving person, and I've found that when dealing with our difficult child's we have to focus that compassion and gentleness on ourselves <strong>first,</strong> for me that was a switch of focus off of difficult child and onto myself. You seem to have a good support system in your 12 step groups, I found CoDa helpful as well. </p><p></p><p>Sending you LOTS of prayers and warm wishes for success for you and difficult child and your whole family. I know how important this is to you...........HUGS........</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 565934, member: 13542"] LMS, first of all, many gentle HUGS for you..........I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. I'm sorry husband is not standing with you, but good for you for going forward with the agreement/contract. Perhaps you might include something which outlines that he has to pick up after himself and keep your home neat. And, if he hasn't been in the past, that respect and consideration for you and husband, your home and your rules is of utmost importance. Keep yourself very well supported. It's so easy to fall into old behavior with our difficult child's. My therapist told me it's like a FOG we get enveloped in and then start acting in the old ways before we are even aware of it. Once in the FOG, our clarity disappears and we go on automatic behavior. For me, it helped so much to keep myself continually in environments of support where I could relate events and get support to change MY behavior so that ultimately my difficult child had to change her behavior. When you change, those around you must change too. I became unwilling to tolerate certain behaviors and those behaviors disappeared. You're a gentle, compassionate and giving person, and I've found that when dealing with our difficult child's we have to focus that compassion and gentleness on ourselves [B]first,[/B] for me that was a switch of focus off of difficult child and onto myself. You seem to have a good support system in your 12 step groups, I found CoDa helpful as well. Sending you LOTS of prayers and warm wishes for success for you and difficult child and your whole family. I know how important this is to you...........HUGS........ [/QUOTE]
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