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Am I steering my own, true course or heading for the rocks?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 743000" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>This is true. We posted at the same time, Elsi. Thank you.I hyperventilate just reading this. I am CRYSTAL CLEAR that I do not want him back here without his working toward it.</p><p>We have tried every permutation, every variation of this. We have had structure. We have given him the lead and told him y<em>ou decide what you want to make work and you put it in place</em>. And we have tried every single variation in between. When there was the yoke, he bucked. When there was no yoke, no guidance, he did nothing. Except smoke marijuana.</p><p>I guess my guts are rising up and saying "no".</p><p></p><p>I am seeing we were not wrong. We insisted he take part in a conversation. Life is a conversation. It involves both a conversation with ourselves and a conversation with others. For very, very few people can life be a dictatorship. I am thinking dictators, prison inmates (before they are incarcerated) or people like Harvey Weinstein, on a temporary basis, can impose their unconditional desires upon others. But NOBODY except mothers and subjugated domestic partners, it seems, accepts the dominance and imposition of will and complete resistance of another person.</p><p></p><p>I know I have been all over the map on this. It is not only that I am trying to find workable solutions, and to protect him, (and me); I am trying to build a self. Trying to define, erect and learn to maintain boundaries. And I do so with my beloved. This is the hardest thing, bar none, I have ever done.</p><p></p><p>Thank you very much, Elsi, SWOT, all.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 743000, member: 18958"] This is true. We posted at the same time, Elsi. Thank you.I hyperventilate just reading this. I am CRYSTAL CLEAR that I do not want him back here without his working toward it. We have tried every permutation, every variation of this. We have had structure. We have given him the lead and told him y[I]ou decide what you want to make work and you put it in place[/I]. And we have tried every single variation in between. When there was the yoke, he bucked. When there was no yoke, no guidance, he did nothing. Except smoke marijuana. I guess my guts are rising up and saying "no". I am seeing we were not wrong. We insisted he take part in a conversation. Life is a conversation. It involves both a conversation with ourselves and a conversation with others. For very, very few people can life be a dictatorship. I am thinking dictators, prison inmates (before they are incarcerated) or people like Harvey Weinstein, on a temporary basis, can impose their unconditional desires upon others. But NOBODY except mothers and subjugated domestic partners, it seems, accepts the dominance and imposition of will and complete resistance of another person. I know I have been all over the map on this. It is not only that I am trying to find workable solutions, and to protect him, (and me); I am trying to build a self. Trying to define, erect and learn to maintain boundaries. And I do so with my beloved. This is the hardest thing, bar none, I have ever done. Thank you very much, Elsi, SWOT, all. [/QUOTE]
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Am I steering my own, true course or heading for the rocks?
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