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Parent Emeritus
Am I too detached now?!
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<blockquote data-quote="jbrain" data-source="post: 290352" data-attributes="member: 3450"><p>Hi Jo,</p><p>yes, this seems healthy to me. She's 20 yrs old and it's her life to live. I had to do the same with my difficult child 1. She's 21 yrs old, has a baby, last I knew she was living in a tent because she couldn't afford an apt. or motel. Well, I do worry some but mostly I don't think about her so much and if she is going to try for a better life it will be because she doesn't like the life she is living.</p><p></p><p>Yesterday I was seeing my therapist (also difficult child 2/easy child's therapist) and I told him how I was worried about M and how she will handle little frustrations when she goes off to India this Fall for her gap year program. He asked me, "will worrying help?" Of course not! He basicallly gave me permission to let go and let M handle it. There's nothing I can do to ensure that she will cope successfully with frustrations during her trip--that's up to her.</p><p></p><p>I think you are doing well--at some point you really do have to let go and I have found it to be such a relief to not have to feel I must own all of my kids' issues and emotional responses. I guess it could make you feel guilty to put the burden down but it is actually the healthy thing to do for both you and difficult child.</p><p></p><p>Take care,</p><p>Jane</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="jbrain, post: 290352, member: 3450"] Hi Jo, yes, this seems healthy to me. She's 20 yrs old and it's her life to live. I had to do the same with my difficult child 1. She's 21 yrs old, has a baby, last I knew she was living in a tent because she couldn't afford an apt. or motel. Well, I do worry some but mostly I don't think about her so much and if she is going to try for a better life it will be because she doesn't like the life she is living. Yesterday I was seeing my therapist (also difficult child 2/easy child's therapist) and I told him how I was worried about M and how she will handle little frustrations when she goes off to India this Fall for her gap year program. He asked me, "will worrying help?" Of course not! He basicallly gave me permission to let go and let M handle it. There's nothing I can do to ensure that she will cope successfully with frustrations during her trip--that's up to her. I think you are doing well--at some point you really do have to let go and I have found it to be such a relief to not have to feel I must own all of my kids' issues and emotional responses. I guess it could make you feel guilty to put the burden down but it is actually the healthy thing to do for both you and difficult child. Take care, Jane [/QUOTE]
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