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Substance Abuse
And the begging starts
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<blockquote data-quote="overcome mom" data-source="post: 758835" data-attributes="member: 23328"><p>Helpless- I know how you feel I have been in your situation. My son has been in jail and prison many times. I have let him come home on numerous occasions. I have also denied him. It has been the same situation that you have had- in that if I didn't agree then he was going to stay in jail or prison sometimes years longer. You cannot be released on parole with no place to stay. </p><p>The question I ask myself now is if I had to do it over again would I take him in? Part of me says no but most of me says yes. When my son was younger 19-21 he would argue with my husband and I, he was never violent but at times I feared he would turn that corner. When he was older, he would tell his parole/probation officer that he was living here and then take off so I never really had to live with him. It was very stressful having him here but it was unbearably stressful having him locked up. I felt and still feel that the way that he is treated in jail and prison is barbaric for the most part and not helpful to him. Yes, he does need consequences but years locked up have diminishing returns. The good it does is to keep him off the streets and prevents him from using drugs. I know these are not minor things but it is just a stop gap measure and when he gets out it is the same old thing. He is the one that has to make the change. Being locked up has just reinforced his criminal /drug behavior. I may feel differently if I had younger children like you.</p><p> It would be best of course if he could go to some kind of structured program instead of your home but I do know all to well many times these are not available. I think if you did let him come home you have to realize that he is most likely not going to change ( as others have pointed out) and that things will be very disruptive and you may end up, very soon, kicking him out. You will make the best decision for you and your family</p><p>P.S. I know exactly where you are coming from with the anxiety when they are going to court. My son goes to court on Friday and I only got 4 1/2 hours of sleep last night. .</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="overcome mom, post: 758835, member: 23328"] Helpless- I know how you feel I have been in your situation. My son has been in jail and prison many times. I have let him come home on numerous occasions. I have also denied him. It has been the same situation that you have had- in that if I didn't agree then he was going to stay in jail or prison sometimes years longer. You cannot be released on parole with no place to stay. The question I ask myself now is if I had to do it over again would I take him in? Part of me says no but most of me says yes. When my son was younger 19-21 he would argue with my husband and I, he was never violent but at times I feared he would turn that corner. When he was older, he would tell his parole/probation officer that he was living here and then take off so I never really had to live with him. It was very stressful having him here but it was unbearably stressful having him locked up. I felt and still feel that the way that he is treated in jail and prison is barbaric for the most part and not helpful to him. Yes, he does need consequences but years locked up have diminishing returns. The good it does is to keep him off the streets and prevents him from using drugs. I know these are not minor things but it is just a stop gap measure and when he gets out it is the same old thing. He is the one that has to make the change. Being locked up has just reinforced his criminal /drug behavior. I may feel differently if I had younger children like you. It would be best of course if he could go to some kind of structured program instead of your home but I do know all to well many times these are not available. I think if you did let him come home you have to realize that he is most likely not going to change ( as others have pointed out) and that things will be very disruptive and you may end up, very soon, kicking him out. You will make the best decision for you and your family P.S. I know exactly where you are coming from with the anxiety when they are going to court. My son goes to court on Friday and I only got 4 1/2 hours of sleep last night. . [/QUOTE]
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