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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 673318" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Mt Denise, I am so sorry. </p><p></p><p>I think Nancy has given you excellent advice. Wait. Let him contact you first. Have it written down on a piece of paper by the phone what you have decided to say. Stick to the paper, no matter what he says. He will likely throw you some curve balls in the conversation. You can end it with: I love you, I hope you figure things out for yourself. </p><p></p><p>He is 24 years old and there's no talking to him right now, since he is using drugs. He will have to do it his way---the hard way---and I get that because that is how my son has basically done everything his whole life.</p><p></p><p>One day, by the grace of God, maybe they will get it.</p><p></p><p>All I know is this: We have a very, very limited role to play in our adult children's recovery. In most cases, our "help" only hurts and delays the inevitable.</p><p></p><p>They must learn to live life on life's terms. It's not pretty at all to watch, and taking a long break from it all is usually good for us and for them.</p><p></p><p>We can't save them. We can't fix them. Our helping doesn't help. And if there is going to be change...it usually has to start with us.</p><p></p><p>Helping them very rarely if ever leads to change.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there. We know how much it hurts.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 673318, member: 17542"] Mt Denise, I am so sorry. I think Nancy has given you excellent advice. Wait. Let him contact you first. Have it written down on a piece of paper by the phone what you have decided to say. Stick to the paper, no matter what he says. He will likely throw you some curve balls in the conversation. You can end it with: I love you, I hope you figure things out for yourself. He is 24 years old and there's no talking to him right now, since he is using drugs. He will have to do it his way---the hard way---and I get that because that is how my son has basically done everything his whole life. One day, by the grace of God, maybe they will get it. All I know is this: We have a very, very limited role to play in our adult children's recovery. In most cases, our "help" only hurts and delays the inevitable. They must learn to live life on life's terms. It's not pretty at all to watch, and taking a long break from it all is usually good for us and for them. We can't save them. We can't fix them. Our helping doesn't help. And if there is going to be change...it usually has to start with us. Helping them very rarely if ever leads to change. Hang in there. We know how much it hurts. [/QUOTE]
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