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Substance Abuse
And the police have been here twice today.
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 590316" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>You are doing a hard but necessary thing. When I have to take hard steps, it helps me to remember that I knew, before I ever took the necessary action, that I would feel badly. There is no light at the end of the tunnel for us, when we take the actions we know we need to take.</p><p></p><p>This may help you. It helped me.</p><p></p><p>One of the mom's here was posting about her 19 year old son whining about how his power had been cut off, he didn't have any food, he was too hot without AC. She felt so badly. Her own home was so much quieter and more peaceful without him there. She had food, AC, and power. Then? She ran across something about 19 year old soldiers in Iraq. Through that article and those pictures, she was able to understand, very clearly, that her son was where he was by choice. That he was whining, instead of going into the world as a man. When she posted about that, I went and found a picture of young soldiers, too. (This happened years ago, when I first came to the site.) Anyway, I posted the picture next to the phone. Seeing it there gave me strength whenever I missed my own difficult child, whenever I questioned having made him leave home. When he would call, always rude, always demanding...I would look at that picture and know my son was not who he was raised to be.</p><p></p><p>In fact, that picture may have been my turn around point.</p><p></p><p>I think I stopped blaming myself then for how things had turned out.</p><p></p><p>I really got it that I hadn't raised my son to do what he was doing.</p><p></p><p>It was life changing, for me to realize that.</p><p></p><p>I still felt badly for where my son was, and where he went, even after that. But it changed my understanding of the underlying dynamic. I found myself able to say things like "You were raised better than to do what you are doing." In fact, it was easy. Because it was true. </p><p></p><p>I'm thinking that is true for you and your son, too.</p><p></p><p>You are doing the right thing.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 590316, member: 1721"] You are doing a hard but necessary thing. When I have to take hard steps, it helps me to remember that I knew, before I ever took the necessary action, that I would feel badly. There is no light at the end of the tunnel for us, when we take the actions we know we need to take. This may help you. It helped me. One of the mom's here was posting about her 19 year old son whining about how his power had been cut off, he didn't have any food, he was too hot without AC. She felt so badly. Her own home was so much quieter and more peaceful without him there. She had food, AC, and power. Then? She ran across something about 19 year old soldiers in Iraq. Through that article and those pictures, she was able to understand, very clearly, that her son was where he was by choice. That he was whining, instead of going into the world as a man. When she posted about that, I went and found a picture of young soldiers, too. (This happened years ago, when I first came to the site.) Anyway, I posted the picture next to the phone. Seeing it there gave me strength whenever I missed my own difficult child, whenever I questioned having made him leave home. When he would call, always rude, always demanding...I would look at that picture and know my son was not who he was raised to be. In fact, that picture may have been my turn around point. I think I stopped blaming myself then for how things had turned out. I really got it that I hadn't raised my son to do what he was doing. It was life changing, for me to realize that. I still felt badly for where my son was, and where he went, even after that. But it changed my understanding of the underlying dynamic. I found myself able to say things like "You were raised better than to do what you are doing." In fact, it was easy. Because it was true. I'm thinking that is true for you and your son, too. You are doing the right thing. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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