Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
And then he blew it
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 630830" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Oh Echo, I read this quickly last night but didn't want to dash off a quick response, so here I am this morning. I am with you, here Echo, and I'm circling my wagon around you. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yep. Yep. Yep. That is what they do, and have done, for so long. What IS IT? We taught them all of the rules, and modeled those rules for them, and they KNOW the rules, but they just won't live by them. </p><p></p><p>There is nowhere and nobody that will tolerate that for long. </p><p></p><p>So in order to rejoin society, they must cave in, and say, well, okay I don't like the rules, but I have to live by them or else...this same thing keeps happening again and again and again and again and again....</p><p></p><p>I just don't know if 20-something young men---a lot of them---the ones we love here on this board----have the brain capacity yet to do it. To make that kind of sea change. </p><p></p><p>Maybe in time...?????????</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>What happened does not negate this, Echo. He made progress. He IS making progress. I think that is something to honor and hold high and be glad about. Progress, not perfection. Just like us. Just like we do every single day, trying to learn to live with THIS. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I LOVE THIS! Please teach me about doing this with a person....Great, great idea and forum for some good communication, it seems? </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Again, this is progress. What a moment of honesty and care and communion between you two. I can almost feel that moment, the bittersweetness of it. </p><p></p><p>But Echo, you knew that his stay wasn't to be for long. I know that you wanted him to go---to leave your house---progressing to somewhere else, not back to the streets, and you were giving him---granting him---that temporary haven there, but he wasn't to stay there for very long anyway. </p><p></p><p>So now he is gone, and not just like you would have hoped, Echo, but with progress. Some progress here, I read all through you post. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, more progress. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You have come through yet another piece of this, and right now, you can say, I will see you again, difficult child, and we'll see how it goes. I am glad about that for you and for him, Echo. I see your own progress here. Another step.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>What a healthy thing to do! You did this! I love this! You somewhere inside yourself, said, well, okay, it is what it is, and you TURNED and you walked back into your own life, and you did it with a focus on someone else---SO---and that relationship. </p><p></p><p>More progress for YOU, Echo, on the "letting go" journey. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Again, I think this is real progress, and change for difficult child, and it goes back to your FB message to him where you said, I can't do this with you unless and until you start to change. And who knows, Echo, the time was right. And he IS changing, and it's going to be messy and chaotic and not in a straight line, and filled with jars of change, and other potholes, but he is on the road. </p><p></p><p>I am praying that AA continues to be a good place for him and he keeps that sponsor, and that he starts making friends there. That would be so fantastic. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Of course it was, and probably still is. Echo, he is your precious son, and you so hoped that all movement would be forward movement. That is what we want so badly and we are so scared to hope for it, because then, we must live with the aching throat and the pain and the sadness and the anger and the grief and the disappointment---again and again and again. We try not to hope, but we DO hope. </p><p></p><p>I think that is what being human is all about. I think the complete absence of hope---the COMPLETE absence of hope---is an impossible goal and not really a goal I want to work toward anyway. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes. I believe this. I believe they are on a journey. What twists and turns that journey takes is bewildering to me. I don't understand it and I am trying to hard to just accept it. As it is written. As it is written. Only their Higher Power knows and he/she is walking with them, right beside them, ready always ready to embrace them and put his/her arm around their shoulders and say, come on, we can do this. I am here with you and I'm going to help you, if you will just lean on me. Just let go, and lean on me. Oh, I so wish that for all of our difficult children here on this site. Just let go, difficult children. Just let go. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes it does, and it's going to have some good things in it, Echo. He has made progress. You see it too. I am praying today that his progress continues and that he find a good place to put his foot, and then another good place for the next step and the next. </p><p></p><p>That good people come alongside him and offer the right kind of help. And that you, Echo, can turn back to you for a while today, for a few hours or the whole day. And just let him do whatever is next. He has your love and he has your support and he knows that. </p><p></p><p>It's up to him, Echo. Up to him. Warm hugs for you, great Warrior Mom!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 630830, member: 17542"] Oh Echo, I read this quickly last night but didn't want to dash off a quick response, so here I am this morning. I am with you, here Echo, and I'm circling my wagon around you. Yep. Yep. Yep. That is what they do, and have done, for so long. What IS IT? We taught them all of the rules, and modeled those rules for them, and they KNOW the rules, but they just won't live by them. There is nowhere and nobody that will tolerate that for long. So in order to rejoin society, they must cave in, and say, well, okay I don't like the rules, but I have to live by them or else...this same thing keeps happening again and again and again and again and again.... I just don't know if 20-something young men---a lot of them---the ones we love here on this board----have the brain capacity yet to do it. To make that kind of sea change. Maybe in time...????????? What happened does not negate this, Echo. He made progress. He IS making progress. I think that is something to honor and hold high and be glad about. Progress, not perfection. Just like us. Just like we do every single day, trying to learn to live with THIS. I LOVE THIS! Please teach me about doing this with a person....Great, great idea and forum for some good communication, it seems? Again, this is progress. What a moment of honesty and care and communion between you two. I can almost feel that moment, the bittersweetness of it. But Echo, you knew that his stay wasn't to be for long. I know that you wanted him to go---to leave your house---progressing to somewhere else, not back to the streets, and you were giving him---granting him---that temporary haven there, but he wasn't to stay there for very long anyway. So now he is gone, and not just like you would have hoped, Echo, but with progress. Some progress here, I read all through you post. Yes, more progress. You have come through yet another piece of this, and right now, you can say, I will see you again, difficult child, and we'll see how it goes. I am glad about that for you and for him, Echo. I see your own progress here. Another step. What a healthy thing to do! You did this! I love this! You somewhere inside yourself, said, well, okay, it is what it is, and you TURNED and you walked back into your own life, and you did it with a focus on someone else---SO---and that relationship. More progress for YOU, Echo, on the "letting go" journey. Again, I think this is real progress, and change for difficult child, and it goes back to your FB message to him where you said, I can't do this with you unless and until you start to change. And who knows, Echo, the time was right. And he IS changing, and it's going to be messy and chaotic and not in a straight line, and filled with jars of change, and other potholes, but he is on the road. I am praying that AA continues to be a good place for him and he keeps that sponsor, and that he starts making friends there. That would be so fantastic. Of course it was, and probably still is. Echo, he is your precious son, and you so hoped that all movement would be forward movement. That is what we want so badly and we are so scared to hope for it, because then, we must live with the aching throat and the pain and the sadness and the anger and the grief and the disappointment---again and again and again. We try not to hope, but we DO hope. I think that is what being human is all about. I think the complete absence of hope---the COMPLETE absence of hope---is an impossible goal and not really a goal I want to work toward anyway. Yes. I believe this. I believe they are on a journey. What twists and turns that journey takes is bewildering to me. I don't understand it and I am trying to hard to just accept it. As it is written. As it is written. Only their Higher Power knows and he/she is walking with them, right beside them, ready always ready to embrace them and put his/her arm around their shoulders and say, come on, we can do this. I am here with you and I'm going to help you, if you will just lean on me. Just let go, and lean on me. Oh, I so wish that for all of our difficult children here on this site. Just let go, difficult children. Just let go. Yes it does, and it's going to have some good things in it, Echo. He has made progress. You see it too. I am praying today that his progress continues and that he find a good place to put his foot, and then another good place for the next step and the next. That good people come alongside him and offer the right kind of help. And that you, Echo, can turn back to you for a while today, for a few hours or the whole day. And just let him do whatever is next. He has your love and he has your support and he knows that. It's up to him, Echo. Up to him. Warm hugs for you, great Warrior Mom! [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
And then he blew it
Top