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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 402418" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Funny, just last night we were talking with easy child. She was showing me photos of a friend's wedding. Friend married a Chinese girl. Parents speak no English. There were two bridesmaids, both of them came out from China for the wedding. Daughters of a family relative, or daughters of friend of the mother. Something like that. She could not have her friends as bridesmaids because they MIUSt have unmarried bridesmaids, and they must be younger than te bride, otherwise the bride getting married before the older unmarried bridesmaid is an insult to the older bridesmaid ("hey, I'm getting married before you"). </p><p></p><p>As a result, bride had two bridesmaids who did what they wanted, turned up when they wanted to, were late for hair and make-up appointments, did not attend rehearsal, left photo session early, left reception early, did nothing to help. easy child, as wife of best man, did more to help the bride than any other. She arranged the bride's dress for photos, she carried her bouquet for her when she needed it held for a moment, she carried a spare coat for the bride, carried spare makeup for her. easy child commented that the bridesmaids are 'typical spoilt one-child family outcomes". I disagreed, but husband commented that he sees a lot of Chinese students in his job, and there are a great many who have a sense of entitlement. Some are very good students, yes. But too many try to get their A by cheating, or bribing. </p><p></p><p>We live in a country that is considered to be part of Asia by a lot of people. We have a lot of Asians who call Australia home, for varying lengths of time. We do see cultural differences but we also see what works and what does not.</p><p></p><p>I mentioned the Japanese disorder, hikikomori, a week or so ago. One suspected cause is high-pressure parenting. It afflicts mostly adolescent males in Japan. It is a combination of cultural shame issues in the parents, enabling a child who copes with pressure by eventually withdrawing. It is quite extreme, it is far more than a child who is quiet and doesn't talk much, or doesn't like to leave the house. A serious hikikomori kid may go unseen by his parents for years. Hidden in his bedroom, fed on a tray left outside his door. That's Japanese and not Chinese, but we don't hear much about China from outside. Only what we hear from the children when they grow up and leave.</p><p></p><p>We have a Chinese family living near us. Both parents are artists. Their only child, a girl, is a really sweet kid who is also an emerging artist. But I know she was not raised with the Tiger Mother approach! On the wall of her father's studio, is an oils study of the girl's, begun at the instigation of her father. I have not seen a new brushstroke on that for almost a year - dad wanted her to do it, she started it then stopped to pursue other things. A Tiger Parent would have hounded her back to it. But they know she is working in a different direction and needs to be allowed to explore her other talents.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 402418, member: 1991"] Funny, just last night we were talking with easy child. She was showing me photos of a friend's wedding. Friend married a Chinese girl. Parents speak no English. There were two bridesmaids, both of them came out from China for the wedding. Daughters of a family relative, or daughters of friend of the mother. Something like that. She could not have her friends as bridesmaids because they MIUSt have unmarried bridesmaids, and they must be younger than te bride, otherwise the bride getting married before the older unmarried bridesmaid is an insult to the older bridesmaid ("hey, I'm getting married before you"). As a result, bride had two bridesmaids who did what they wanted, turned up when they wanted to, were late for hair and make-up appointments, did not attend rehearsal, left photo session early, left reception early, did nothing to help. easy child, as wife of best man, did more to help the bride than any other. She arranged the bride's dress for photos, she carried her bouquet for her when she needed it held for a moment, she carried a spare coat for the bride, carried spare makeup for her. easy child commented that the bridesmaids are 'typical spoilt one-child family outcomes". I disagreed, but husband commented that he sees a lot of Chinese students in his job, and there are a great many who have a sense of entitlement. Some are very good students, yes. But too many try to get their A by cheating, or bribing. We live in a country that is considered to be part of Asia by a lot of people. We have a lot of Asians who call Australia home, for varying lengths of time. We do see cultural differences but we also see what works and what does not. I mentioned the Japanese disorder, hikikomori, a week or so ago. One suspected cause is high-pressure parenting. It afflicts mostly adolescent males in Japan. It is a combination of cultural shame issues in the parents, enabling a child who copes with pressure by eventually withdrawing. It is quite extreme, it is far more than a child who is quiet and doesn't talk much, or doesn't like to leave the house. A serious hikikomori kid may go unseen by his parents for years. Hidden in his bedroom, fed on a tray left outside his door. That's Japanese and not Chinese, but we don't hear much about China from outside. Only what we hear from the children when they grow up and leave. We have a Chinese family living near us. Both parents are artists. Their only child, a girl, is a really sweet kid who is also an emerging artist. But I know she was not raised with the Tiger Mother approach! On the wall of her father's studio, is an oils study of the girl's, begun at the instigation of her father. I have not seen a new brushstroke on that for almost a year - dad wanted her to do it, she started it then stopped to pursue other things. A Tiger Parent would have hounded her back to it. But they know she is working in a different direction and needs to be allowed to explore her other talents. Marg [/QUOTE]
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