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Angelic week, horrid weekend
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 196975" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Terry, difficult child 3 gets like this too. So did the other two GFGish kids in our family, when they were required to do work they found challenging.</p><p></p><p>Don't underestimate the power of confronting schoolwork, to upset them this badly. That homework - he did the maths first, didn't he? AND in front of the TV. That is what difficult child 3 would have done. And in front of the TV too - I don't care, if he can still do it without troubles. The aim is for the work to be learned and I will let him do it standing on his head, as long as it gets done.</p><p>But the watching of campaign speeches etc - it sounds like very good use of the opportunity by the teacher. However, a kid like difficult child 3 would have found this very confronting. There is the fear in his head, "I can't do this! I can't understand what they're saying! All those big words - I understand each word, but I don't get what it all means when they're all put together!"</p><p>The panic build and builds and they will pick a fight in order to be sent to their rooms, rather than have to do the work. Once they pick a fight, they can blame YOU for them not getting the work done. "You made me too angry to concentrate on it!"</p><p></p><p>What I have to do - and it's not easy, it's labour-intensive - I sit with him and discuss it as we go. I do a mind-map for him, I have a laptop handy. I would have recorded the material for him so you could go back and replay it word by word if necessary. You stay calm, you talk him through it gently. Help him face his fears. Yes he will yell at times, yes he will be disrespectful, but DO NOT take it personally because no matter what he says, it is NOT directed at you. Some of it is directed at himself ("for being so stupid and not being able to do this!") and some of it at the teacher who set the work. And undoubtedly, some of it at the political candidates for not speaking more plainly!</p><p></p><p>In trying to keep yourself calm, keep in your mind that if YOU get angry enough to upset him and he can blame you - HE has 'won'. But if you can keep him calm enough to just begin the task, his anxiety should begin to decrease and then suddenly he will understand what has to be done. Use lots of praise, keep telling him he is smart, he can do it, you're there to help. You can't give him the answers but frankly with something like this - you can go darned close. I would certainly give him some examples and if he gets his own - confirm if he's got it right.</p><p></p><p>I also would find difficult child 3 would be much worse when he was coming down with something. While he was actually in the thick of it - he was much the same as usual. Also watch out for recovery period - also difficult, for us. Because each time, he's going through his own unpredictable body change. it's just one more hassle for him to have to try and deal with.</p><p></p><p>I freely use bribes to encourage difficult child 3 to tackle challenging work. If he learns to associate getting his political studies completed with the aid of a bag of Maltesers, I don't care. Even if it means he buys bags of Maltesers every time there is an election campaign in the future!</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 196975, member: 1991"] Terry, difficult child 3 gets like this too. So did the other two GFGish kids in our family, when they were required to do work they found challenging. Don't underestimate the power of confronting schoolwork, to upset them this badly. That homework - he did the maths first, didn't he? AND in front of the TV. That is what difficult child 3 would have done. And in front of the TV too - I don't care, if he can still do it without troubles. The aim is for the work to be learned and I will let him do it standing on his head, as long as it gets done. But the watching of campaign speeches etc - it sounds like very good use of the opportunity by the teacher. However, a kid like difficult child 3 would have found this very confronting. There is the fear in his head, "I can't do this! I can't understand what they're saying! All those big words - I understand each word, but I don't get what it all means when they're all put together!" The panic build and builds and they will pick a fight in order to be sent to their rooms, rather than have to do the work. Once they pick a fight, they can blame YOU for them not getting the work done. "You made me too angry to concentrate on it!" What I have to do - and it's not easy, it's labour-intensive - I sit with him and discuss it as we go. I do a mind-map for him, I have a laptop handy. I would have recorded the material for him so you could go back and replay it word by word if necessary. You stay calm, you talk him through it gently. Help him face his fears. Yes he will yell at times, yes he will be disrespectful, but DO NOT take it personally because no matter what he says, it is NOT directed at you. Some of it is directed at himself ("for being so stupid and not being able to do this!") and some of it at the teacher who set the work. And undoubtedly, some of it at the political candidates for not speaking more plainly! In trying to keep yourself calm, keep in your mind that if YOU get angry enough to upset him and he can blame you - HE has 'won'. But if you can keep him calm enough to just begin the task, his anxiety should begin to decrease and then suddenly he will understand what has to be done. Use lots of praise, keep telling him he is smart, he can do it, you're there to help. You can't give him the answers but frankly with something like this - you can go darned close. I would certainly give him some examples and if he gets his own - confirm if he's got it right. I also would find difficult child 3 would be much worse when he was coming down with something. While he was actually in the thick of it - he was much the same as usual. Also watch out for recovery period - also difficult, for us. Because each time, he's going through his own unpredictable body change. it's just one more hassle for him to have to try and deal with. I freely use bribes to encourage difficult child 3 to tackle challenging work. If he learns to associate getting his political studies completed with the aid of a bag of Maltesers, I don't care. Even if it means he buys bags of Maltesers every time there is an election campaign in the future! Marg [/QUOTE]
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