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<blockquote data-quote="Smithmom" data-source="post: 742236" data-attributes="member: 23371"><p>I feel your pain. I wish I could make it go away for you.</p><p></p><p>Everyone is different including as parents. Every child is different. For every sad story there's a happy one, or so I'd like to believe anyway. My own son's former co-dependent heroin addict girlfriend is clean 2+ years and working as a rehab counselor. Obviously I always wished this for her and encouraged her to walk away from my son, myself and my family when my son went to prison. She needed a clean slate to get clean. But I wasn't sure how it would turn out. No one can see the future. I thought she was a terrible girlfriend for him then. Now maybe not.</p><p></p><p>Undoubtedly there are parents who keep fighting and those that give up. Those that give up don't go to parent support groups probably. No doubt the group I went to were only the ones who couldn't give up. But then, if my adult child couldn't function more than as a young child I probably would be in that group too. I have a conviction that mental illness is as much an illness as diabetes or heart disease. So why do I see my son differently? Because my son could function. I made sure over years that he learned tools to control his impulses. So I see it as a choice. Yes its an illness. But its one that he chooses to go untreated. As I write this I have tooth pain. I am terrified of dentists and so refuse to see one. I choose this pain over the dentist. At what point is that different from my son? I don't know. But I see it as different from the adult who is in a psychotic state and can't think clearly enough to know that they need a dentist. </p><p></p><p>Am I saying that my son knowingly chooses to use? Yes.</p><p></p><p>Does he have an illness that he tries to avoid by using or self-medicating? Yes.</p><p></p><p>Would my having the legal right to force him into treatment change anything? No. Might keep him off the streets and thus alive temporarily. But he has gotten himself kicked out many times, he knows what buttons to push. Waste of govt resources that could be used on someone who really wants to change. Yes, probably.</p><p></p><p>All of this very different from the adult in psychosis.</p><p></p><p>Bottom line is I think as parents we need to periodically re-evaluate our course. Are we doing the right thing today based on the parents' and the child's current situation? No definitives, no judgements. Just encouraging awareness.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Smithmom, post: 742236, member: 23371"] I feel your pain. I wish I could make it go away for you. Everyone is different including as parents. Every child is different. For every sad story there's a happy one, or so I'd like to believe anyway. My own son's former co-dependent heroin addict girlfriend is clean 2+ years and working as a rehab counselor. Obviously I always wished this for her and encouraged her to walk away from my son, myself and my family when my son went to prison. She needed a clean slate to get clean. But I wasn't sure how it would turn out. No one can see the future. I thought she was a terrible girlfriend for him then. Now maybe not. Undoubtedly there are parents who keep fighting and those that give up. Those that give up don't go to parent support groups probably. No doubt the group I went to were only the ones who couldn't give up. But then, if my adult child couldn't function more than as a young child I probably would be in that group too. I have a conviction that mental illness is as much an illness as diabetes or heart disease. So why do I see my son differently? Because my son could function. I made sure over years that he learned tools to control his impulses. So I see it as a choice. Yes its an illness. But its one that he chooses to go untreated. As I write this I have tooth pain. I am terrified of dentists and so refuse to see one. I choose this pain over the dentist. At what point is that different from my son? I don't know. But I see it as different from the adult who is in a psychotic state and can't think clearly enough to know that they need a dentist. Am I saying that my son knowingly chooses to use? Yes. Does he have an illness that he tries to avoid by using or self-medicating? Yes. Would my having the legal right to force him into treatment change anything? No. Might keep him off the streets and thus alive temporarily. But he has gotten himself kicked out many times, he knows what buttons to push. Waste of govt resources that could be used on someone who really wants to change. Yes, probably. All of this very different from the adult in psychosis. Bottom line is I think as parents we need to periodically re-evaluate our course. Are we doing the right thing today based on the parents' and the child's current situation? No definitives, no judgements. Just encouraging awareness. [/QUOTE]
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