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Another bout with letting go..........
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 619536" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>The first song that came to mind Cedar, is <em>What a wonderful world, </em>by Louis Armstrong although I have a rendition of it by Willie Nelson that is beautiful. <em> I can see clearly now the rain is gone</em>, by Johnny Nash popped in next and then, one of my all time faves,<em> Imagine,</em> by John Lennon...............I am not sure if they are fitting to the "awakening" however, they were the first 3 songs which came to mind reading your question.</p><p></p><p>I'm in that place after which you've made a fairly significant change, you are quite alert to new behaviors as the walls of self deception collapse. Reminds me of that beautiful quote by William Blake, "if the doors of perception were cleansed everything would appear to man as it is, infinite."</p><p></p><p>An experience I'm having is this sort of spontaneous ability to see these (now) small injustices or annoyances or comments another may make which in the past, I would ignore and allow, but which hurt me..........I'm talking minor, I think the bigger issues I'm good with addressing............these are small kinds of everyday things that are said or done which probably many of us glide over..........now I am addressing those things right away.........I am not walking away from anything which has the tiniest impact on me without addressing it. Enabling or responding in ways which did not honor myself, at least for me, kept a cap on my ability to respond, one of the consequences of that feeling invisible that Echo mentioned...........I have become quite visible and even more verbal. It isn't happening a lot, but I have noticed that my editing button is completely turned off and I am showing up and being present more and more. It's actually pretty cool because I am not angry or responding with intensity, I just address a comment made or anything that comes up with this new found level of truth and spontaneity.</p><p></p><p>It's also true with loving and positive things, those feelings are right in the moment too, spontaneous responses of appreciation and gratitude. That feels very good.</p><p></p><p>It all feels clean, right and freeing...........and very 'in the moment.'</p><p></p><p>This new truth telling opened up this door for me to express myself without holding back and it has impacted my job and my relationships............a certain fear about telling the truth and risking loss, or judgment or something which would be unpleasant.......is gone. It is quite apparent too. I was just in a position of taking a risk where there was a rather large potential for loss for me and rather then skirt around it, I addressed it directly, fully knowing I may lose but I now had this strength and trust to realize, no matter what, <em>being true to myself beat out holding on and abandoning myself.</em> The risk paid off too, I did actually receive precisely what I wanted. I think when we are that clear in our intent, others respond differently then when we are uncertain and wavering.</p><p></p><p>Granddaughter seems to be rising to the occasion. Some kind of a thin veil seems to have lifted for me at least, perhaps for her too. As in the song, I can see more clearly now.........she is not a little girl in need of my help, she is a capable woman who is whole and complete all by herself. Interesting to me that I actually see her differently now. She 'appears' to be more aware that we are people, human beings, not just grandparents.........it feels like we made a turn in the right direction here......whew.........</p><p></p><p>Change is such an interesting phenomenon, we forge ahead, in many ways hurting through the change, scared, uncertain, it can be so difficult..........and then change happens and poof, you're now over here............then, like me now, you go through the actual shifts and movements necessary to bring forth the changes..............and then, poof, there you are, in a whole new space. That can take 5 minutes or 30 years............perhaps as long in time as our denial and fear is in size and depth.</p><p></p><p>Today, in this moment, everything is just fine.......</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 619536, member: 13542"] The first song that came to mind Cedar, is [I]What a wonderful world, [/I]by Louis Armstrong although I have a rendition of it by Willie Nelson that is beautiful. [I] I can see clearly now the rain is gone[/I], by Johnny Nash popped in next and then, one of my all time faves,[I] Imagine,[/I] by John Lennon...............I am not sure if they are fitting to the "awakening" however, they were the first 3 songs which came to mind reading your question. I'm in that place after which you've made a fairly significant change, you are quite alert to new behaviors as the walls of self deception collapse. Reminds me of that beautiful quote by William Blake, "if the doors of perception were cleansed everything would appear to man as it is, infinite." An experience I'm having is this sort of spontaneous ability to see these (now) small injustices or annoyances or comments another may make which in the past, I would ignore and allow, but which hurt me..........I'm talking minor, I think the bigger issues I'm good with addressing............these are small kinds of everyday things that are said or done which probably many of us glide over..........now I am addressing those things right away.........I am not walking away from anything which has the tiniest impact on me without addressing it. Enabling or responding in ways which did not honor myself, at least for me, kept a cap on my ability to respond, one of the consequences of that feeling invisible that Echo mentioned...........I have become quite visible and even more verbal. It isn't happening a lot, but I have noticed that my editing button is completely turned off and I am showing up and being present more and more. It's actually pretty cool because I am not angry or responding with intensity, I just address a comment made or anything that comes up with this new found level of truth and spontaneity. It's also true with loving and positive things, those feelings are right in the moment too, spontaneous responses of appreciation and gratitude. That feels very good. It all feels clean, right and freeing...........and very 'in the moment.' This new truth telling opened up this door for me to express myself without holding back and it has impacted my job and my relationships............a certain fear about telling the truth and risking loss, or judgment or something which would be unpleasant.......is gone. It is quite apparent too. I was just in a position of taking a risk where there was a rather large potential for loss for me and rather then skirt around it, I addressed it directly, fully knowing I may lose but I now had this strength and trust to realize, no matter what, [I]being true to myself beat out holding on and abandoning myself.[/I] The risk paid off too, I did actually receive precisely what I wanted. I think when we are that clear in our intent, others respond differently then when we are uncertain and wavering. Granddaughter seems to be rising to the occasion. Some kind of a thin veil seems to have lifted for me at least, perhaps for her too. As in the song, I can see more clearly now.........she is not a little girl in need of my help, she is a capable woman who is whole and complete all by herself. Interesting to me that I actually see her differently now. She 'appears' to be more aware that we are people, human beings, not just grandparents.........it feels like we made a turn in the right direction here......whew......... Change is such an interesting phenomenon, we forge ahead, in many ways hurting through the change, scared, uncertain, it can be so difficult..........and then change happens and poof, you're now over here............then, like me now, you go through the actual shifts and movements necessary to bring forth the changes..............and then, poof, there you are, in a whole new space. That can take 5 minutes or 30 years............perhaps as long in time as our denial and fear is in size and depth. Today, in this moment, everything is just fine....... [/QUOTE]
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