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Another bump on the difficult child highway
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 608292" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Thank you all for your kind words, it's comforting to me to read them.</p><p></p><p>Thank you JKF. Yes, it sure does still hurt my heart to see my daughter struggling. That is a really yucky part of detachment, you really are separate in an odd way, but it doesn't take the hurt away completely, it just doesn't take over your life anymore. It feels as if my daughter's life is one step further away, as if now there is a barrier between her choices and me.......... if that makes sense.</p><p></p><p>Cubsgirl, thank you. "Master of detachment" that line made me smile. I'm not sure one can master this, I think we can do our best to not have the choices of others impact our peace of mind to a pretty large degree..............however, because love is involved, there are always feelings present.........</p><p></p><p>Busywend, thanks. You said it simply and I believe that to be true too and it helps to have someone put that into words.</p><p></p><p>Tired, that is a good analogy, they do have the key. It takes awhile to learn not to open the door for them, doesn't it?</p><p></p><p>Cedar, I agree that our daughters want or need to live on that ragged edge. Sigh. I have seen some changes in my daughter and with all my heart I hope she can "sail into harbor under her own steam." That is my greatest wish.</p><p></p><p>Last night she wrote on FB "Is it crazy to want someone to just say, everything is going to be okay?" It made me sad to read that. </p><p></p><p>This morning I started thinking how I never wanted her to feel the way she feels now, alone, scared, not knowing what to do............it's a feeling I had quite a bit as a child and young adult as a result of having parents who could not parent..............I had to grow up fast and learn to take care of myself because there was no one to take care of me...................I did A LOT to prevent my daughter from ever feeling that way and the irony is that she feels that way A LOT now. I can't do it for her, she has to do it for herself. That's the only way she will ever be empowered or learn anything. I had to step out of the way. She will either sink or swim, I have no idea which way she will go. </p><p></p><p>She has painted herself into a corner which must seem overwhelming to her..............however, I do believe she can get herself out if she can stop waiting for someone to save her. I believe buried inside her is a deep abandonment issue because of her Dad and I think that child inside of her wants someone to save her....................she lost it when her husband committed suicide.............the ultimate abandonment............</p><p></p><p>I tried so desperately to "save her" and it doesn't work, only she can do that.</p><p></p><p>These are my mother's musings............in the end it's all up to her............I'm here on the sidelines cheering her on............hoping this is the bottom and now all she can do is go up............</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 608292, member: 13542"] Thank you all for your kind words, it's comforting to me to read them. Thank you JKF. Yes, it sure does still hurt my heart to see my daughter struggling. That is a really yucky part of detachment, you really are separate in an odd way, but it doesn't take the hurt away completely, it just doesn't take over your life anymore. It feels as if my daughter's life is one step further away, as if now there is a barrier between her choices and me.......... if that makes sense. Cubsgirl, thank you. "Master of detachment" that line made me smile. I'm not sure one can master this, I think we can do our best to not have the choices of others impact our peace of mind to a pretty large degree..............however, because love is involved, there are always feelings present......... Busywend, thanks. You said it simply and I believe that to be true too and it helps to have someone put that into words. Tired, that is a good analogy, they do have the key. It takes awhile to learn not to open the door for them, doesn't it? Cedar, I agree that our daughters want or need to live on that ragged edge. Sigh. I have seen some changes in my daughter and with all my heart I hope she can "sail into harbor under her own steam." That is my greatest wish. Last night she wrote on FB "Is it crazy to want someone to just say, everything is going to be okay?" It made me sad to read that. This morning I started thinking how I never wanted her to feel the way she feels now, alone, scared, not knowing what to do............it's a feeling I had quite a bit as a child and young adult as a result of having parents who could not parent..............I had to grow up fast and learn to take care of myself because there was no one to take care of me...................I did A LOT to prevent my daughter from ever feeling that way and the irony is that she feels that way A LOT now. I can't do it for her, she has to do it for herself. That's the only way she will ever be empowered or learn anything. I had to step out of the way. She will either sink or swim, I have no idea which way she will go. She has painted herself into a corner which must seem overwhelming to her..............however, I do believe she can get herself out if she can stop waiting for someone to save her. I believe buried inside her is a deep abandonment issue because of her Dad and I think that child inside of her wants someone to save her....................she lost it when her husband committed suicide.............the ultimate abandonment............ I tried so desperately to "save her" and it doesn't work, only she can do that. These are my mother's musings............in the end it's all up to her............I'm here on the sidelines cheering her on............hoping this is the bottom and now all she can do is go up............ [/QUOTE]
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