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Another development, another update. Oy.
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 617500" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I enjoyed reading your update which seems so positive and encouraging.......I know how hard you worked to get there, I am happy for you Cedar. I am particularly happy to read that your connection to your daughter and granddaughter is back on firm ground again. Hearing that your daughter applauds your changes really warmed my heart.........</p><p></p><p>Please let us know what happens at the hearing tomorrow with the abuser.</p><p></p><p>That dream is so promising, so filled with LIFE and what feels like vitality and joy........babies..........new life, a new beginning............for all of you. Yes, I have been told that everything in dreams represent us. New life Cedar, what a joy!</p><p></p><p>Thank you for asking about my daughter Cedar. Although, right now, it is quiet on that front. I haven't seen her since Christmas, when she seemed much more reserved. She gave me a beautiful gift and had gifts for everyone, the first time since her husband died. She then posted on FB on New Years Eve about how she missed her daughter and step daughter and wanted to have a relationship with them. And, how she had no social life and was at home alone on that night.</p><p></p><p>I think the man she is living with is more like a friend. He is a good guy I think. She emailed me a lengthy email which included a statement about how he didn't hear her. That was when I responded with my own lengthy email and opted to tell her, among other things, that her demands of others can be pretty daunting and unrealistic, that in fact, this guy didn't sign on to be her everything, just to help her get on her feet. She exhausts people with her relentless demands. That email was my best shot at the truth and I haven't heard much from her since. Although, that is not unusual. She has no real relationship with time, or responsibility to others, so it is what it is.</p><p></p><p>I really don't know what she is planning to do. She could simply stay in the same place and burn this guy out like she has done for years with various people. She stays a year or two in someone else's home, doesn't work, judges them and thinks somehow she deserves so much more but doesn't do anything to change anything. Or perhaps she has awakened on some level and will change. I just don't know. She usually gets lost for periods of time like now, when I don't hear from her and she surfaces when she needs something. She is a very unusual person Cedar, I cannot describe her and do her justice. She fits the profile of someone who has Narcissistic Personality disorder as well as some bi-polar and depression traits and also has anxiety issues. Sometimes I think the best I can do is keep out of her orbit as I've done, make sure I am not responsible for her choices, love her.......... and.................that's all I know now..........</p><p></p><p>I want to believe that she is using this time to regroup, find a job, look at alternatives, change, mend fences, shift her choices to positive ones, seek help.............but I really don't know. I email her information on occasion when I see something she might be interested in............I FB her caring thoughts..............but she rarely responds. She literally lives a few blocks from me now and I never see her. </p><p></p><p>It is sad Cedar, but actually it has ceased to be that hard or that sad anymore. Just in the last few months things have shifted for me in many different ways. There is nothing I can do about any of this and I have grieved my socks off, cried my eyes out, raged against fate and everything else we mothers do.............I am done with that now. I did everything I possible could and more to make this different and I have given up that fight now. I believe I have simply accepted what is.</p><p></p><p>I focus on my granddaughter now and making sure she gets the best shot out of the gate. Beyond that, in the bigger picture, I really feel as if I have completed this part of my journey, this karma, this destiny............there are no more little ones coming down the highway with my genetics through my daughter, she is now too old to have any more children. Thank God. </p><p></p><p>My granddaughter does not exhibit any strange behaviors at this point and although mental illness does often present later in life, having grown up with so much of it, there are almost always tendencies early on which one can observe if you are looking and she really is just a normal, healthy teenager.........Thank God once again. I love watching her develop into a woman who is healthy, strong, compassionate, funny, smart, insightful, perceptive and really cool to know. She and I have talked about how in some other "real" world, I am her mother, SO is her Dad and she is our daughter..................we all feel that very strongly. Even though she calls us the grandparent "units."</p><p></p><p>I have a distinct feeling that I am now on a different path entirely. All of the enabling, codependency, unhealthy family connections and dysfunctional relationships are a thing of the past...........I worked on all of that for................hmmmmmm...........40 years!! I'm done! Once granddaughter leaves the nest for college, SO and I have travel plans whether I am retired or not.............I have a lot of vacation time each year and we plan on using it up. I am focusing on ME now and what MY needs are...........it is actually thrilling! In that last few months so much dust has settled and now when I look around what I see is beauty, what I feel is joy and what I know is that life is precious, the most important thing is LOVE and connection.............. helping where you can......... enjoying the ride and having FUN. It's all good. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/love_heart.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":love_heart:" title="love_heart :love_heart:" data-shortname=":love_heart:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 617500, member: 13542"] I enjoyed reading your update which seems so positive and encouraging.......I know how hard you worked to get there, I am happy for you Cedar. I am particularly happy to read that your connection to your daughter and granddaughter is back on firm ground again. Hearing that your daughter applauds your changes really warmed my heart......... Please let us know what happens at the hearing tomorrow with the abuser. That dream is so promising, so filled with LIFE and what feels like vitality and joy........babies..........new life, a new beginning............for all of you. Yes, I have been told that everything in dreams represent us. New life Cedar, what a joy! Thank you for asking about my daughter Cedar. Although, right now, it is quiet on that front. I haven't seen her since Christmas, when she seemed much more reserved. She gave me a beautiful gift and had gifts for everyone, the first time since her husband died. She then posted on FB on New Years Eve about how she missed her daughter and step daughter and wanted to have a relationship with them. And, how she had no social life and was at home alone on that night. I think the man she is living with is more like a friend. He is a good guy I think. She emailed me a lengthy email which included a statement about how he didn't hear her. That was when I responded with my own lengthy email and opted to tell her, among other things, that her demands of others can be pretty daunting and unrealistic, that in fact, this guy didn't sign on to be her everything, just to help her get on her feet. She exhausts people with her relentless demands. That email was my best shot at the truth and I haven't heard much from her since. Although, that is not unusual. She has no real relationship with time, or responsibility to others, so it is what it is. I really don't know what she is planning to do. She could simply stay in the same place and burn this guy out like she has done for years with various people. She stays a year or two in someone else's home, doesn't work, judges them and thinks somehow she deserves so much more but doesn't do anything to change anything. Or perhaps she has awakened on some level and will change. I just don't know. She usually gets lost for periods of time like now, when I don't hear from her and she surfaces when she needs something. She is a very unusual person Cedar, I cannot describe her and do her justice. She fits the profile of someone who has Narcissistic Personality disorder as well as some bi-polar and depression traits and also has anxiety issues. Sometimes I think the best I can do is keep out of her orbit as I've done, make sure I am not responsible for her choices, love her.......... and.................that's all I know now.......... I want to believe that she is using this time to regroup, find a job, look at alternatives, change, mend fences, shift her choices to positive ones, seek help.............but I really don't know. I email her information on occasion when I see something she might be interested in............I FB her caring thoughts..............but she rarely responds. She literally lives a few blocks from me now and I never see her. It is sad Cedar, but actually it has ceased to be that hard or that sad anymore. Just in the last few months things have shifted for me in many different ways. There is nothing I can do about any of this and I have grieved my socks off, cried my eyes out, raged against fate and everything else we mothers do.............I am done with that now. I did everything I possible could and more to make this different and I have given up that fight now. I believe I have simply accepted what is. I focus on my granddaughter now and making sure she gets the best shot out of the gate. Beyond that, in the bigger picture, I really feel as if I have completed this part of my journey, this karma, this destiny............there are no more little ones coming down the highway with my genetics through my daughter, she is now too old to have any more children. Thank God. My granddaughter does not exhibit any strange behaviors at this point and although mental illness does often present later in life, having grown up with so much of it, there are almost always tendencies early on which one can observe if you are looking and she really is just a normal, healthy teenager.........Thank God once again. I love watching her develop into a woman who is healthy, strong, compassionate, funny, smart, insightful, perceptive and really cool to know. She and I have talked about how in some other "real" world, I am her mother, SO is her Dad and she is our daughter..................we all feel that very strongly. Even though she calls us the grandparent "units." I have a distinct feeling that I am now on a different path entirely. All of the enabling, codependency, unhealthy family connections and dysfunctional relationships are a thing of the past...........I worked on all of that for................hmmmmmm...........40 years!! I'm done! Once granddaughter leaves the nest for college, SO and I have travel plans whether I am retired or not.............I have a lot of vacation time each year and we plan on using it up. I am focusing on ME now and what MY needs are...........it is actually thrilling! In that last few months so much dust has settled and now when I look around what I see is beauty, what I feel is joy and what I know is that life is precious, the most important thing is LOVE and connection.............. helping where you can......... enjoying the ride and having FUN. It's all good. :love_heart: [/QUOTE]
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