Oh but how to truly stop that. I am packing to go on a trip that has been scheduled since August - my daughter, her husband, and me and my husband - that we have counted down the months and the weeks and the days - and this evening, my son texted me to say he got fired. I can't believe it. I have truly tried so hard not to give him money and have gotten so much better at saying no. But he called Wednesday and said he somehow got behind on rent and needed a weeks rent not to get kicked out - which I said I wouldn't pay for anymore - but because I knew this trip was coming up and I didn't want to worry about him being homeless while I'm away (I know, selfish), I caved and gave him the money. And now I know he will be homeless because he won't have enough to pay rent for much longer with no job. I have spent a small fortune paying his rent and phone and food - and was doing so much better - but he's always a step behind. I know in my head that I can't keep rescuing him, especially to my own demise. I only have a few more years to work. In my head I can't justify spending money I'll need in my retirement for ME to live. The money I've given him was from an inheritance from may parents that has quickly run out. I feel like I have PTSD with him. My heart when he calls or texts or messages me - just WAITS for the bad news. And it isn't always bad news - but most of the time it is. And now the excitement and the joy has gone out of this trip like a pin in a balloon.... I pray the God will intervene with my son - and that He would please take the burden of his problems from me so I can live.... I am just sick..........physically sick. I know I deserve this trip but I just don't think I'll have a good time for worrying about what is going to happen with my son. Sometimes it's more than I can bear........ Anybody got a magic wand?????
